Zan and Jayna it is!

Or as W put it, “Now we get to buy ALL the toys!”

Our ultrasound this morning was seriously the bomb-diggity. The tech cut right to the chase and pointed her wand at each kid’s goods. The first was clearly a girl (to her) and then just like that she spotted our little man’s little man! That I could see. As she put it, he’s a proud little boy.

Then she went on to examine all their other bits and parts and we were so relieved to hear that everything is looking good. They each weigh about 6 oz and she said their really close in size. I don't know how much it matters, but it’s good to know I guess!

Other than giddy and in general disbelief at my good fortune, I’ve been feeling pretty ok these days. Occasionally unwieldy, like when I stand up I have to work a little extra to bring along the bowling ball that my stomach feels like. I know this is only going to get worse; maybe my next post will reference a giant medicine ball.

We’re all settled in to our place with just a few (hundred) more boxes to unpack. We like it even more than I thought we might! I was kind of just ready to enjoy the amenities and the location, but actually once all the previous tenants shit was gone it turns out to be a pretty cute little joint. Still plenty of brass framed mirrors, lest you be concerned that they were a mere figment of my imagination! But the fresh paint and new carpets definitely make it a whole new place.

And the best part is that about 3 years after purchasing it, I finally got to put this little stained glass turtle lamp in my babies’ room! I say “this” like I have a picture, but as I’m blogging at work, I will have to post the picture later. It’s sitting on the changing table that my stepsister passed on to us, along with two beautiful cribs. It’s weird having them so soon, but she was ready to turn her nursery into an office, so it was kind of now or never. Her twins (almost 4) slept in the cribs for the last night to “say goodbye”! They are SO excited about the new twins. They're giving up their pacifiers for their 4^th birthday and are planning to come over for a ceremony where they give them to our babies. So cute! It was their idea! And frankly, isn’t 4 a bit old? I’m thinkin’ anything I can do to get them over the bink is a good thing.

What kind of post would it be without some mention of one of my family members grabbing me inappropriately? But this one’s not so bad. Stay with me. Brendan, one of the aforementioned twins asked me if he could touch my twins. I said sure, warning him that he won’t feel them move or anything. He was ok with that, so I said go ahead. So he reaches his hands out and grabs onto each of my boobs like he’s in Porky’s 8 or something. It was hilarious. His 5 yr old sister’s like, “Not there dummy!” Or maybe that’s what he meant by “twins” who knows…

And now…

pictures of the nuggets. Jayna.

and Zan's a super short video - hopefully it will work.

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Well, I guess the issue of am I showing or not has been settled. Last night on the BART train an old man offered me his seat!! I didn’t take it since we were almost to my stop, but I have to say it felt pretty good. I definitely have popped out a bit over the last day or two after measuring at a mere 20 weeks at my OB appointment on Wednesday. (I’m 16w5d today.)

Speaking of that appointment, is it normal to have him just check the heartbeats, weigh me, check my blood pressure and that’s IT? I felt a little gypped. I mean, I didn’t even get to take my drawers off! What kind of doctor’s appointment is that?

I do have an ultrasound scheduled at the peri’s office next Wednesday, so that’s exciting. I’m really hoping to find out what flavor they are. I don’t care, of course, but I am SO curious! Plus I can’t get enough of just watching them bounce around in there. We had a friend suggest that if we can’t obviously see the gender, to have the tech write it down on a piece of paper and then go out to dinner that night and open it then in a less clinical environment. I kind of love that idea, so I’m hoping it will work out that way.

Or maybe we’ll open it in our new living room by the fire! We move in tomorrow and I’m so psyched. I hope I don’t actually hate the place upon seeing it again. I know the kitchen is circa Three’s Company and that those brassy, mirrored closet doors will still abound, but I’m hoping that once we get our beautiful crapola in there it will look more like home. I’m thinking about hanging fabric on the walls, either just tacking it up, using a strip of wood across the top or by doing the starch method. Anyone have any experience with either method? We can’t paint, but I need to have some color in there somehow.

Ok, so there have been a couple requests for clarification about just what I meant by my stepsister sticking her fingers up my business. What I meant was, she took her fingers and jammed them up my lady parts. She got to 3^rd base. I don’t know if she was pretending to BE a doctor or pretending to PLAY doctor, but either way the forcefield was broken. She was all up inside my grill. Hope that helps clear things up! Next year I’ll be sure to wear a cup.

Happy weekend!

A Yuletide List Like No Other

Things you shouldn’t have to endure during a holiday party, but since it was a FAMILY holiday party you should have known you were in for:

1.) Having to drink the same thing as the 4 year olds – a Shirley temple.

2.) Watching your mom constantly pester your husband about her ever changing music volume needs. (Were we really the only people at the party with an iPod? Or are we just the only ones nice enough to agree to be in charge of the music?)

3.) Being the only sober one among 35 drunken adults and 15 sugar-crazed children.

4.) Seeing your mom sit on your husband’s lap. Just because he’s dressed as Santa don’t make it right.

5.) Having your (usually lovely and appropriate) stepsister, in an effort to explain why she thinks you’re having boys, jam her fingers WAY up your business several times to describe just where she thinks girls are carried.

6.) Only having the tray of rock shrimp corn fritters come by twice

7.) Being told in one 5-minute conversation that a) you’ll never wear those (hot!) shoes again b) your pregnancy is all downhill from here and c) your life is over.

8.) Having to pretend that the fact that as children grow, their clothes take up more space is news to you.

9.) Being told first that you look pregnant and second that you don’t look at all pregnant, and being irrationally upset by both comments.

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In other news, I think I felt some baby movement on Saturday! W and I were out shopping and on the way home I collapsed onto the BART seat and felt the sort of popping fluttery feeling that I've read about. Nothing since then, but I think it was just one of them standing up and applauding for finally getting a rest after about 4 straight hours of shopping.

Check them out!

Parker & Jackson. So perfect.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....

It is serious sigh of relief time. I just got off the horn with Genevieve the Genetics Counselor with Genzyme (and I thought I had a thing with alliteration - she's three letters deep!). Good news - the WT's have the same chance of having DS as if I'd gotten knocked up at age 20! (That would have made them a whole different kind of WT - heh.) Anyhoo, there's a less than 1 in 10,000 chance of the other trisonomies, so W and I are both feeling good about moving past this genetics business, and skipping the amnio. PHEW!

Plus, I have to just say, my hair looks and feels fucking fantastic. The color is exactly my natural color (if it was pretty) with some golden highlights, and it's a pretty blunt bob to about 2 inches below my ears, which means she cut a good 5-6 inches off. We'll see how it stands up to my usual styling method: gently massage head with towel and...yeah, that's it. I'll see if I can get a good enough picture to post. I mean the hair looks good, but I can't do much with the rest.

And my 3rd ahhhh moment for today is the date. November 30. 30th November. Last day of November. No more days in November for this year. December is tomorrow. And I will not post. NaBloPoMo is a nice idea and all, but I liked when blogging was fun, or at least therapeutic. This made it sort of a chore. And probably not too inspiring to the reader. I'm no Alexa. She was made for this sort of thing. Me? Not so much. From now on I'll try to just post when I've got something to say.

And let's give an ahhh-out to plain ole Friday. After last week's luxurious two-day workweek, pulling this whole 5-day shit was rough! But it's nearly over now. And I'm going to meet my friend who's in town for just the weekend at our other friends restaurant, which hopefully means free food! Yay for potentially free food! Then we've got a meat-themed surprise birthday party for another friend tomorrow, and at some point I think I'll try to fit in some packing. W is going away for business all next week, which I assume is his way of getting out of packing. Luckily I've got some wine and can bribe my mom with it to help me out.

Happy Weekend!

Thursday Thrills

See, the alliteration, it won't stop! But really, there are lots of thrills today.

Best News: If you haven't heard, THEY'RE HERE!!! And so freaking cute! I will post the picture as soon as I get the ok. ApronStrings will probably get the ok before me, so check there, too. Everyone is happy and healthy. Such good news.

3rd Best News - going out of order here: In other good, but far less momentous news, the worries from yesterday have subsided. No more spotting, no more pain. Apparently blogging really IS healing!

And I totally agree with everyone about not poking the beast that is my polyp. I think I'm just frustrated because when W heard the doctor say that having sex could irritate it, he took that to mean we should live like we never heard of Intercouse, PA. It's cute and sweet, but then again, not so much. I may have to force the issue which will probably incur more spotting, which will then send me running to the keyboard for, dare I suggest a Friday Freakout? And then you'll all tell me to stop being such a horny bastard and leave the poor man be. Right? Prob'ly.

2nd Best News: I'm leaving my office in 15 short minutes to FINALLY get my hair cut and colored. It is nasty, nasty, nasty. Way too long, with a big swath of dishwater colored blahness running down the middle. Blech. Maybe if my hair looks really good the problem above will resolve itself!

Wednesday Worries

First of I all I worry about my constant use of alliteration. But...I'm missing the point (procrastinating pontificating the point?) here.

So last night when I got home from work and went to the loo, there was a bit of blood. And then in subsequent trips, brownness. After one or two more trips, there was nothing, but again this morning there is a light, light brown substance. I know brown is ok, but it's still freaky. I'm hoping it was just the polyp on my cervix. I'd really like that to be gone the next time I go to the doc.

And making it more worrisome are these two different pains I'm having. One is in my abdomen, at a spot right between my belly button and my...self and it feels just like when you touch a bruise, except I don't need to touch it to feel it. It just kind of twinges on and off occasionally and whenever I sit down. If I had to guess, I've probably felt it 10-15 different times this morning. It's gone as quickly as it comes, but it's weird. It's definitely not a crampy feeling; bruise-like is the best way I can describe it.

Then the other pain is even stranger. Whenever I stand or sit I feel it in the ole vagine, like the bits are tender and so sensitive that standing and sitting are (mildly) painful. This could be the excess blood in my system, but again, it's weirding me out.

Anyone feel anything twinges like these? Also, for those who've had a polyp removed from their cervix, what was the process? I had one in my uterus, and had a hysteroscopy, but I'm thinking (hoping) that being closer to the exit, this one could be slightly easier to get rid of? My ob wants to leave it, but it's kind of stressing me out. If the procedure is minor, I'm considering getting rid of it.

Thank You!

Wow - thanks so much for the great comments. Are you all trying to get with me too? Seriously, though, thanks. I feel so lucky to have found you! I'm still nervous, and I know that will never go away, but at least I know I'm not alone.

I've got a couple random notes for tonight.

1) How can I get Bob from the Biggest Loser to come be my trainer after the WT's arrive? I do have the dvd, and it's great, but I think having him there in the room with me would really help. Any ideas on how to make that happen?

1a) Could the weigh-in elimination portion of the Biggest Loser last ANY longer? Sweet mother!

2) Think good thoughts for Watson! She's scheduled for a c-section on Wednesday and Parker and Jackson will finally be here!

3) My lame ass bladder is not a fan of NaBloPoMo. Actually it's simply not a fan of anything that involves being away from the bathroom for more than 10 minutes.

3a) Gotta pee!

Scared

Is there some point at which the idea of becoming someone's mother is more than just a reason to freak out? I don't mean that it has to be right now, but I just wonder if it ever becomes real. Because at this moment it seems so incredibly far from it. And even if I did believe that it would happen, then what? What do I know about any of this?

Often when we're schmooping it up to each other and generally marveling over the twins, W will tell me that I'll be the best mom ever. I truly wonder why he thinks that. Maybe he's just saying it to get some? I mean, I'll love them like crazy, and I can cook, but I'm pretty sure there's more to it than that. And even the initial part I think I could handle. Diapers, sleep schedules, breastfeeding... but what about when they can talk? Or worse, understand!

That's where it gets really frightening.

I can read about how to be healthy during pregnancy, or how to pick out the safest car seat, but I don't think there are any books or magazines to help me figure out how to be someone's mom.

Back to Life...Back to Reality...

Even though we were gone for less than 4 days, and were fewer than 25 miles from home it is SO freakin' good to be home! Bella seems super happy and not at all miffed that we went to the beach for the weekend without her. Of course we wouldn't have chosen to do so, but my stepsister who found the house we rented forgot to check if they allow dogs.

Aside from the fact that we were pooch-free, the holiday weekend could not have been more perfect. Of course Wednesday was fabulous. My brother had arrived the night before and Wednesday morning we went out to a tasty breakfast. Once we got home I put him to work making the chili for dinner and W and I went to Part 1 of our two-part genetics counseling/NT scan appointment. The counseling part was a complete waste. It would have been valuable had we not ever seen a) the internet or b) any book on pregnancy. After about 15 minutes even the counselor was like, "Well, ok, you guys have this stuff down. Any other questions?" Since there were none, we went home to pack up the car and then on our way out of town we went to the NT scan portion.

It was my first non-dildocam ultrasound, so I finally felt like a real pregnant lady! The tech was totally into the twin thing, so we got to stare at them for a nice long time. I felt a little bad, since my brother was just sitting in the car waiting for us, but I sure as hell wasn't going to stop her. She took the NT measurements and I thought I could read that they were fine. Both babies were doing their thang and it was amazing. I can't even begin to explain how cool it was to see them like that. I wondered later if both the tech and doctor thought I was kind of nonplussed about the whole thing because I barely spoke. I just watched. You could tell that Snoozy is fucking LOVING LIFE in the top bunk. He's* got all the room, and is just kicking back and relaxing. I think I even saw a tiny ottoman for his tiny legs. At one point he gave us a little fist pump as if to say, "Hey 'Rents! It's all good in here!" As for poor G-Lo? There is a distinct cause of her* squirminess. Being on the bottom bunk, she's totally cramped. She seems to have a hard time finding a comfortable spot, but in her efforts to do so she got in a few good thumps to the top bunk, so at least she's making a stand.

Snoozy:










G-Lo









Once she was done, the tech said she was going to get the doctor to confirm some measurements. Of course at that point I started to wig out, worried that something was wrong. If only she'd said from the beginning that there would be two sets of measurements. We waited nearly 30 minutes which did not help my stress level. I was sure that the doctor had to be so baffled my our kids' rare medical condition that he was either consulting his library to find a treatment, or trying to find a way to give us the bad news.

Finally I sent W out to see if they were coming back for us. Not only was I nervous, I was starving, had to pee like a mofo and was supposed to pick up my mom very shortly. The doctor was on his way in as W went looking for him, so luckily we were "quickly" underway. Both babies made it really hard to get a good look at the neck area in need of measuring, so the doctor part of the scan took even longer than the first half. His technique of violently pulsing the wand into my abdomen had absolutely zero effect on the twins' placement, but very nearly caused me to piss my pants a couple of times. Pretty sweet. Eventually he got the measurement and confirmed what I'd seen on the tech's scan 1.3 and 1.6 and I could resume breathing. Luckily the relief didn't relax me so much that I actually peed my pants, but man, it was close. Now we just wait for the bloodwork. I guess they'll be calling mid-week. I go back for another u/s on 12/19 and can't wait to see how big the kiddies are by then. I wonder if they'll have made a masking tape line to mark out their respective territories like good siblings sharing cramped quarters should.

SO...that's a really long way of saying the weekend started out nicely. From there we drove to Tiburon to pick my mom up and headed out to Stinson. The house my stepsis(in-law, technically) found for us was so cute. We made a fire, and played Scrabble while the chili warmed up. My stepdad arrived a little later and then after dinner, he, my mom and my bro walked to the local bar while Will and I hung out by the fire.

Thanksgiving morning we woke up to crystal clear sun and went for a nice, long walk on the beach. In fact it was a little too long, because I had to practically sprint back for fear once again of soiling myself. Back at the house I got my brother and W to work assembling our appetizer - chipotle-lime marinated shrimp wrapped in bacon, which we grilled once we got to my stepbrother's house. So good! The rest of the meal was also pretty damn nice. There were about 40 of us and the food was amazing. Of course, as I phone-blogged, it was kind of rough not enjoying the tasty cocktails that were flowing, but I made myself a faux-garita and then had half a glass of pinot noir with dinner. The first couple sips were exactly what I'd hoped they'd be, but toward the end I had to give it to W because it just didn't feel worth it. After dinner we hung out by their newly built, giant outdoor fireplace and shot the shit with friends and fam.

On Feel Good Friday morning we took another beach walk and then I made rice krispie treats to bring to the beer pong party. Beer pong was out of control - mostly hilarious, and very drunken for those who could imbibe. A friend of my stepbro designated himself as shotboy and W had at least 4 shots of tequila. Everyone else had to be closer to 10. I have no idea how they do it! The shots had no effect on W's pong prowess, however and he became simultaneously the most desired partner and most targeted ringer. I was just hanging by the outdoor fire, enjoying my Becks N.A. and also loved watching shotboy (who was kind of a dick) get harassed by his pals for drinking one accidentally and not noticing that it was NA.

Yesterday after a little hike with my mom, we sent her and her husband on their way and W and I finally had the chance to hang out at the house alone. I promptly fell asleep. There was the most comfy window seat at our house and I couldn't help myself! I needed it, too because Saturday night is the annual Stinson Beach Fireman's Ball and my stepbro and their friends make quite the night of it. They have an annual cocktail party before the ball where everyone picks through several racks of costumes. The Ball itself is NOT a costume party, but don't tell them that! This is our second year going and it is a freaking blast. Last year I wore my slutty St. Pauli Girl dress, but this year I went for a hot pink mu-mu. W was resplendent in a red sequined one-piece Elvis/Superhero suit with a V down to THERE. He was so hot. I'll post pictures as soon as my brother sends them to me. As the sole sober person I drove a minivan full of 11 drunken, polyestered nutjobs to the dance. I'm sure we looked like a clown car. The music was great and I totally wanted to dance, but I felt like I should keep it sort of mellow.

Overall, such a great weekend. Back to work tomorrow and it's time to start packing! We move into our new place on 12/15! Woo hoo!

*I still have no confirmation of their gender. I'm just going by feel here.

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First day W and i have been alone (even for 10 minutes) since Weds. Ahhhhh... Naps, fire, football. Back to real life AND BELLA tomorrow. Cannot wait to see her!

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I heart Becks NA.

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Wow.
I did NOT expect thd alcohol to be such a temptation, but presented like this? It's a teeny bit torturous! Maaaybe just a wee glass of wine...

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NT scan went great. Heard hb's for the first time - so amazing! NT mearured 1.3 and 1.6 and babies were both doing the happy dance. Got lots of pics on cd and can't wait to get to a computer to see them!

Countdown

I am a mere 58 minutes from a 5-day weekend and I cannot wait! Granted, Day 1 of this bacchanalia will include our NT scan, but once that's over and the perfect results are achieved, it's time to relax! Not that I'd be doing anything but if I was staying home, but somehow it's different when you're staying somewhere else. My mom, stepdad, brother and W are staying in a rented house in Stinson Beach, just down the hill from my stepbrother's house where the Thanksgiving festivities will go down. I'm making dinner for tomorrow night - just some crock pot chili and corn bread to go alongside. We also have to find a way to watch the Syracuse basketball game, which may be tough since there's no tv at our rented house. I also have to make an appetizer for Thursday, which will probably be chipotle-lime, bacon wrapped shrimp, done on the bbq. They're a teeny bit labor intensive, but it's a short ingredient list, which makes me happy - I fucking HATE the grocery store. Then, turkey. Ahhh...Thanksgiving is far and away my favorite meal. I can't wait!

Friday is the 2nd Annual Feel Good Friday. Last year, my stepbrother decided that the Friday after Thanksgiving is actually the best day of the year and I think he might just be right. All your familial obligations are over, you don't have to go to work for a couple more days, and there's nothing to do but FEEL GOOD! Last year we started an "annual" beer pong tourney and I'm looking forward to it again, especially because of the new rule stating that my partner has to drink any beer penalties I incur. Is it mean to choose my mom? She can handle it, believe me. We just eat pizza on FGF, and I was thinking of making some peanut butter rice krispie treats decorated with autumnal reeses pieces, mostly because that sounds so good to me! The rest of the weekend is kind of an open slate, so we'll see what's in store.

My brother arrived from NYC a few hours ago, which to me means that the holiday has started. He and W are off on a walk w/ Bella and I can't wait to get home and meet up with them.

The babies seem huge today. I had gone to M1Mi Maternity over the weekend with the $100 gift certificate that my mom gave me and went a little bit to town. Like to $500 town. Oops. W picked out the most fab pair of capri-camo-maternity pants, so of course those were included in my haul. I cleaned my closet out of the pants and shirts that no longer fit me and MAN, does it look sparse in there! I guess I need to do some more shopping. Especially since today, the WT's seem to have really popped out. Maybe they want to be part of the Thanksgiving festivities, too? As long as they behave themselves tomorrow at our appointment, they can do whatever they want.

Along with the NT scan, we're also having a 45 minute genetic counseling session. I guess they will go through all the possibilities, which for the most part I know, but I think it will be good for both of us to be completely informed before making any further decisions. I tend to think that we wouldn't do an amnio, but who knows what tomorrow's results will have to say about that. I'm trying not to think about anything except seeing the WT's in hi-def. I hope G-Lo's been working on his dance routine and maybe Snoozy will even wake up to say hello.

Wish me luck, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Why is this so hard to remember?

Can someone please explain why it's so hard to remember that cleaning is NOT that hard? All weekend I put it off thinking I just didn't have it in me, but because my brother's coming tomorrow and we're leaving our apartment for a friend to house/dogsit for the holiday weekend, I felt like we had to do something. In about 20 minutes W and I made the place look great! Honestly, how stupid that I let it loom over me all weekend.

On another note, is anyone else as tired as I am of Nicole Richie's baby shower? Enough already! I did note that Mischa Barton (why is she famous?) got Nicole a super fancy double stroller as a joke because Nicole is just SO huge that she must be having two. Har dee har har. Think maybe I could ask Nicole to send it my way? Speaking of showers, though, my best friend has offered to throw me one on the East Coast. When I lived there a group of women would have pretty frequent "girls' nights" and I can't wait to see everyone. Besides, who doesn't want to go to Boston in January?

My bloglines is all messed up - saying it can't connect to most of my feeds, so I hope all's well in the world!

I'm psyched that I finally figured out the phone blogging. We're heading to Stinson Beach for Thanksgiving weekend and I doubt we'll bring the laptop and I've got to keep up with NaBloPoMo somehow.

Ok, final random thought for the day... I emailed our almostRealtor to let her know we've decided to rent for a year or so and will get back to her then. When we had toured houses with her, I told her the reason (or two reasons, I guess) for our move. So today when she replied to my email, can you guess what she told me?

Yup, she's pregnant with twins. Total surprise to her (beotch!), but still. Madness!

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And now I sent a picture! Even Bella gets to enjoy football day on the couch.

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If you can read this, I managed to blog from my phone!

Marin? Really?

I believe we have solved the housing crisis, at least for now. We've decided to rent a townhouse in Marin. I think we're more shocked than anyone about this development. Even though we'd accepted the idea of renting for another year, I really never expected to rent in the burbs. But this place does have quite a few plusses. The complex is right on the water, near a bike path, accepts dogs and has both and indoor and outdoor pool. I'm an absolute sucker for a pool, so offering all-season swimming was playing a little dirty on their part. The townhouse itself is pretty apartment-y, which is to say, BLAH. But I think once we get our stuff in there, along with a couple bright cheery babies, it will be perfectly fine. There are a couple nice decks and a wood burning fireplace and at least twice as much square footage as we could have hoped to get for the money in SF. There are lots of kids around (or at least a lot of people who have car seats in their cars) and I can walk to a grocery store and a cafe. AND...the best part is that it's just 3 miles from my mom, most of which can be done on a bike path. She is so amped up to be Granny of the Year that she'd probably have moved in with us if we'd been any further away. (I'm sure I'll come to the point where I'll be begging her to sleep over, but for now, let's just be glad her own home is nice and close.)

We still have to go put down a deposit, because neither of us brought checks with us today, so assuming no one stole the place from us since noon today, we'll take over around mid-December, wahoo! I haven't lived in an apartment complex since college, so this will definitely take some getting used to, but come March or April when I may easily be mistaken for a sumo wrestler, I bet that indoor pool is going to be mighty nice.

On another note entirely, I have become obsessed with trying to feel G-Lo move. Or Snoozy...either one! But after seeing that Psychobilly Freakout at the doctor on Wednesday, I keep thinking that if I press hard enough I've GOT to feel something. I mean, there are 2 1/2-inch long human beings inside me, at least one of which is dancing like crazy. How can I not feel it?!?

I have to say, they've gotten so much more real to me since that appointment. Even Snoozy, just seeing him sleeping there so perfectly has totally defined his personality to me. In fact, I've gone so far as to "decide" that Snoozy is a boy and is just like W. Exhibit A: W has been passed out on the couch next to me since 8pm. And I think G-Lo is a girl and is more like me, the poor thing, a hyperactive freakazoid.

Speaking of which, I tend to get restless leg syndrome, which I call "jumpy leg." I used to just get it before going to bed, usually on the couch, but certainly not every night. Now for the last couple nights I've been getting it in bed and it is SO frustrating. My mom gets it and it has kept her up for years now (along with her overactive worrywart brain, which mine will surely morph into). I had read on Watson's blog a while back that putting a bar of soap in the sheets with you can help. I tried it last night, but the fact that the soap was booted out to the floor kind of tells the tale on how that went. I'll try it again tonight, but I must say it's very odd to have a bar of soap in your bed. Any other home remedies out there?

But back to my two kids. Kids! It is crazy to me to talk about them like that. I get so caught up in trying to get pregnant, then getting pregnant, then the idea of twins, that I have to keep reminding myself that the end result is going to be us with two kids! It's fucking fantastic, but so hard to really and truly grasp. I have no hope that I will ever really grasp it until I'm actually changing a diaper or covered in spit-up, and maybe not even then, but I think the continued ultrasounds will help. My ob said that we'll probably have one at least once a month, so we'll have a bunch of chances to "get to know" them more and more. I cannot wait to get to know them for real. But will that even help? I see other people with babies and even some with twins, and they seem pretty together. I'm sure they all have their moments, but is my life going to be one big "moment"? I am just so terrified and ecstatic all at once. It's madness.

Whoa, it's getting late (for me, anyway - 10 is the new 2 am). I guess I need to go grab my Lever 2000 and hit the hay. I hope my legs agree!

Is it you, Gloria Estefan?

Hi there, person from Miami (Sound Machine). I am trying not to be paranoid, but it seems that you have googled me pretty often lately and are reading my entire blog, which while I am honored, also weirds me out the teeniest bit. You could very well be a fellow infertile reading a blog you like from start to finish, which I have done on occasion. But one of your search terms made me feel like you were someone I know in real life trying to hunt down my blog. Please reassure me! You can either leave a comment or email me. I'd really appreciate it!

Wha??

Me: Before we get into (boring work matter) I need to tell you something…uh, well, I, uh…I’M PREGNANT (totally blurted it out).

Boss: So’s my wife! It’s twins!

Me: Shut the fuck up! Mine are twins! (yeah, F-bomb. Felt right)

High-five (no shit – we did.)

Me: How far along is she?

Boss: About 12 weeks.

Me: Wha? I’m about 12 weeks.

Boss: Did you do the neck wrinkle test? We have that on Tuesday.

Me: Wha? Ours is Wednesday.

We went on to have a slightly more normal conversation with just a few more “Wha?!?’s” and “Shut the fuck up’s” I told him how I’d overheard him ordering the PIO and he was amazed that anyone might know what he was talking about. He was super nice and excited about the whole thing. Definitely gets it and now we have this crazy bond. It sounds like he was not as excited about the twin thing as W. Who was out of his fucking head with glee. But I think he’s into it now. God, I hope so anyway! Not much getting out of it at this stage!

Now I must sign off because I have to go buy some old lady skivvies. None of mine are working for me lately.

Form of...Snooze and Spazz!

Does anyone know if there was ever an episode of the Super Friends where one of the Wonder Twins took a peaceful snooze and the other had a spastic dance party? Because that's what we saw today at the ultrasound.

Sleepy who resides in the top bunk, apparently thought this would be a great time to snooze in the sweetest pose ever. It's a wonder sleep was a possibility considering the insanity that was going on down in the bottom bunk. G-Lo was going crazy. I think there must have been some kick ass techno music going on down there because the doctor could barely get a picture! He finally did, though and they both look great. I'm 12w3d today and 23rd measured at 12w6d. G-Lo is right on track at 12w3d.

And here they are! G-Lo is kind of hard to make out because the dance party just don't stop.

Sleepy











G-Lo











G-Lo is actually in the bottom sac, a total blur.

I am in love with the fact that they are in this bunk bed position. It's so cute!

My doc said that my cervix looks great, although there's a polyp on it. He thinks that's probably what caused the spotting. We had sex the night before the evil pink showed up, so now I guess we know what caused it. I'd made it a no-go zone since the spotting, but now since I know what the problem is, maybe the restriction can lift a bit. The doctor said he'd rather not remove it unless it becomes a problem and I'm fine with that.

I go for the nuchal translucency next Wednesday. That makes me a little nervous, but of course I'm excited to see the WT's again.

I'm telling my boss tomorrow. I'm absolutely convinced his wife is pregnant. Not only did I hear him ordering more progesterone, but then he was talking to a co-worker who suggested my boss needs to open a 529. So...not too many reasons for a 529 aside from impending fatherhood, right??

Wish me luck breaking the news! "Hi, I'm your brand-new employee and I'm pregnant!"

100

I had some big ideas about my 100th post, but they all kind of went by the wayside this morning. I was watching the Today Show, as is my wont, and there was this bittersweet story about a family who lost their 3 children in a car accident, and are now expecting triplets from IVF. Well, Meredith said "implant" about a million times, so I decided to email the show. Of course I just got the standard, automatic reply, but hoepfully someone will actually read it and they'll get it right. I know, once again I'm whining about semantics, but...not really. This is a big deal (to me) and it chaps me everytime!

So, here's my letter.

Hello there,

This morning I was touched by the story of the California family who lost their three children in a car accident and are now expecting triplets. While it was encouraging to see a woman who was so willing to discuss the fact that she used in-vitro fertilization ("IVF"), I was dismayed by Meredith's repeated use of the term "implanted" regarding the embryos. I have noted this during other stories on infertility, not just on your show. Use of the term "implanted" supports a common belief that IVF is a cure-all for infertility problems - that the embryos are simply "implanted" and nine months later, the family is complete. Unfortunately IVF is not an automatic solution for many women and in fact, whether or not the transferred embryos implant is one of the biggest variables. For the two weeks between the transfer procedure and the pregnancy test, IVF patients spend all their waking hours hoping and praying for the embryos to implant. So often they don't and women are forced to go through several expensive and emotionally draining IVF cycles before either finding success, finding other paths to parenthood, or deciding to live child-free.

Hopefully you can understand that using the word "implant" to describe the procedure itself is incorrect and gives a false sense of the procedure and its potential outcomes. I hope in the future you will be diligent in using the word "transfer" when describing this part of the IVF process. And I also hope you will continue to talk about this topic, as it affects millions of women.

About me - I have been struggling with infertility for the past four years and consider myself very lucky to have found success on my second IVF cycle. I'm expecting twins in May.

Thank you,
Erin C-

Stepping off soapbox...

Now go visit Watson! She's on bedrest and needs some diversion. Also, I have my first regular OB appointment tomorrow at 11:30. We're hoping for a good look at the Wonder Twins and good news all around. Wish me luck!

I Think I Need to Move

Did you know?

In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants - even, if she so requests, in a policeman's helmet.

Convenient and fun!

Seriously, though, a couple times this weekend, that law really would have come in handy. Not that I saw any helmeted policemen...

A Milestone

I bought my first pair of maternity pants today. I've been relying on my Bel1a Band for a few weeks now, but it will be really nice to have a pair of pants actually fit. We ran a bunch of errands today and I swear, I went to the bathroom at least 5 times in as many hours and each time my jeans were harder to close. I mean, the BB is great, but I can't expect it to actually defy gravity, at least not for long!

We're heading to the 8:00 showing of Amer1can Gangster tonight. It seemed like a good idea when I got the tickets, but now I'm a little worried that I'm going to fall asleep. Last night I was out at 8:45. That's right - rockin' Friday night! But my brother worked on the movie and his name will be in the credits. Plus he told me today that he's actually in one of the scenes. Just in the background, but cool nonetheless! I hope I'm awake when he's on!

Semantics Matter!

Say you’re a boss and your brand-new employee plans and executes a kick-ass event. Despite the fact that she went straight home to puke in some bushes and eat ice cream, you feel the need to celebrate her excellence by going to several bars. When you’re leaving at 2 pm the next day because you’re sooooo tired (hungover), if you want to reward your outstanding new employee don’t say, “Don’t stay too late.” What you need to say is, “Feel free to leave early if you want.”

Because I wasn’t planning on staying late at all. Now, I’m sure this is all semantics, but for god’s sake you need to be straight with people.

I think it doesn’t help that I am crazy tired today. Walking coma-tired. And I really did puke in a bush last night. The second half of the meeting went a little too long and I was STARVING. As soon as it was over I hit the buffet and gorged myself on egg rolls and mozzarella sticks and chips and guac and who knows what else, and it was NOT a good idea. Nor was playing DDR after eating all that. Dumbass. It was a full sized machine, though – so hard to resist. And I won!

But yeah, somewhere between where I parked the car and my apartment, it came back to haunt me. Luckily I didn’t have any sympathy pukers around, just an unlucky bush.

So Typical

I’m that girl. That girl who gets pregnant and becomes a blubbery, slobbery sobbing puddle anytime anything even slight happens.

Here are some recent examples:

-Watching Brothers & S1sters two weeks ago when Sarah lost custody of her kids…BAWLING

-Listening to W tell me how he wants that house to be our “forever house” and how he’ll do anything to make it happen so the babies and I can have it easy…BAWLING

-Pretty much any IF blog post these days, both good news and bad…BAWLING

-Watching the two IVF twin episodes of Bringing Home Baby on TLC…BAWLING

-Ok, I can’t believe I’m admitting this one, because it is seriously fucked up. And while I didn’t cry, I did become momentarily verklempt until I slapped myself upside the noggin. Are you ready? I was emotionally affected this morning by hearing that Ann Curry finally made it to the South fucking Pole. The people in the studio were cheering and she seemed so proud of herself for being only one of like 7,000 people to have made it. Somehow it affected me. And I don’t even really like her! Weird.

Alrighty – had to get my NaBloPoMo’ing done for today because I have a big work event tonight. The first one that I’ve planned here. We’re doing a big all-hands (about 100) meeting, then bowling, so not the toughest event ever, but here’s hoping it goes well! I’ve already had a few people tell me they’re buying me a beer (which…hello people, it’s FREE!) and I’m trying to figure out how I’ll carry the same beer around all evening without being too obvious.

Someone else's home, I guess

Well, my stepdad thought it was definitely a sound investment, but we found out today that someone made an offer already. We're not at all ready to get into a bidding war, so we decided to pass. Unfortunately for a lot of people, the market is only going to get worse, but it is good news for us. Now we don't know if we'll buy a condo in SF, rent a bigger apartment, or what.

I've been tagged for 8 random things by the newly un-busted Busted! I made the mistake of asking W to help me think them up. "ONLY EIGHT?" he says. Real nice, dude. I need to go beat him up, and I'll post those manana. Or, I was contemplating coming up with 100 tidbits about me for my upcoming 100th post (HOLY SHIT!) but it seems a) daunting and capital B) Boring.

It's Not a Hovel, It's a Home

Or at least it could be.

Perusing the local real estate websites on Sunday I saw what was described as a “diamond in the roungh (sic)” There were only exterior pictures, but the pretty high end neighborhood combined with a listing price in our range enticed me to learn more.

During a tour of open homes that afternoon we decided to drive by the place. As we slowed down to see what it was all about, a woman from the cleaning crew asked if we’d like to see the inside. Of course we were all over it!

The bones (if you’ll allow me that cheesy real estate term) are incredible. It’s got this HUGE living room with a fireplace and the layout is actually pretty good for an older home. It’s 100% NOT a ranch, which is nice because I feel like that’s all we’ve been seeing so far. Nothing against ranches, but this was a refreshing change. It just feels nice and old, which I love. There are 3 normal bedrooms and one tiny one that is almost all windows – would make a great office or something. The bad news is that the kitchen is a total disaster. Disgusting tile counters, dilapidated cabinets and no appliances. Other than that, although it’s old, the place is pretty liveable. Don’t get me wrong, just about everything needs fixing - new windows, new bathrooms and more, but for now it’s probably ok. It just happens to be at the top of our price range, so I’m totally stressed about having the money to live there, fix it up AND eat. On the other hand, it’s on a double lot and is in one of the more desirable communities in the East Bay and is walking distance to the little village. It’s got to be the cheapest house in town, so if we fixed it up the way we know how, maybe the equity could support the house flipping I want to do.

W (who has his heart set on it and is convinced this is our "forever house") is there right now with my stepdad who has made himself a lot of money in the real estate business. Hopefully he will help us figure out if we’re crazy TO do it, or crazy NOT to do it. It’s bank-owned, so we can’t get any disclosures and since W got lost on the way, they’re looking at it in the dark. Oh man, are we nuts?!?

***
Enough about me, though. If you haven’t had a chance, please stop over and let Ann know you’re thinking of her. She’s going through a nightmare I can’t even begin to comprehend.

From Bax to The Biz

Shortly after we got married Will and I adopted a sweet (looking) dog named Baxter that we were told was a 4-month old puppy. At his first vet appointment, we learned that he was closer to a year old. Come to find out he'd been a stray for almost his whole life and he was a little (lot) insane. 98.7% of the time he was the sweetest most perfect little guy, and then all of a sudden he would snap, usually it was food related, but not always. Our friend bent to tie his shoe and apparently was too close to Baxter and got chomped in the hand. Another time my cousin's 3 yr old daughter came too close and he snapped and clawed her in the face. It would have been much worse, but at that point I had him on a leash at all times. After about six months of attacks and meetings with behaviorists who insisted there was nothing wrong with him, we had to let him go. Our nephews (4 and 6 at the time) were coming to stay with us for a week and there was no way I could handle the stress of protecting them from Kujo 24 hrs a day. The day I took him back to the woman who facilitated the adoption was one of the saddest of my life. Of course he was perfect that day and looked at me with the sweetest eyes. I cried the whole way home, but I knew it was the right decision.





We knew we'd get another dog, but weren't sure when. I think we were both too afraid to bring the idea up after all we'd been through with Bax. Then about six months later we were driving to Syracuse for Thanksgiving and one of us (can't remember who now) said to the other...maybe it's time to get a dog. We arrived at my cousin's house that night and over some beers she mentioned that she thought W should get me a puppy for Christmas. A sign! THEN...at Thanksgiving dinner another cousin asked us outright if we were interested in a puppy because her brother in law had some he was going to give away. They were only 3 weeks old at the time, but she promised that if we wanted one she'd drive it up to us (in New Hampshire at the time) when it was ready. Ok, now if this sequence of events wasn't enough, we went to see the pups the next day and that's when we met...

Bella. We call her The Biz.

This is a skinny 9 yr old girl holding her, so believe me she was TINY! But so sweet. I knew I had to have her. More later! I'm milking these Bella posts to get me through!

Proof that I need your help

There's nothing like a little spotting scare and subsequent happy resolution to make an otherwise ordinary weekend seem downright glorious! There's been no return of the evil pink
and this has to be some of the best November weather ever. We spent the day in GG Park, laying about on a blanket, eating lots of tasty food, and watching others toss frisbees and nerf footballs. We also got to watch my pooch destroy some fellow picnickers Nerf, but handily I had brought the EXACT same one along so I easily replaced the one that Bella turned into a snack.

After our picnic we met up with a friend from the East Coast who stopped over to visit on his way to a business trip in LA. We went out to a kick-ass dinner here. It's a former KFC, hence the name. My fancy steak stroganoff with gnocchi was so fucking amazing. And the brownie a la mode that followed was everything a person could ever want. Ever.

Despite the over-eating of the night before, I woke up STARVING and off we went to our favorite breakfast place. I had a scramble with bacon, avocado and spinach w/ homefries and fruit, plus a biscuit with gravy and a pancake. Mmm mmm good.

Ok, so unless you want to just read about my culinary exploits over the next month, please - tell me. What have you always wanted to know about me? Or San Francisco? Or Bella?

All's Well

POSTED ON SATURDAY 11/3, NO MATTER WHAT BLOGGER HAS TO SAY ABOUT IT!

I haven't seen anything since about 10am yesterday when there was one brown blob. I came right home from work and hit the couch and things have been fine. I'm going to take it easy over the weekend (although I can't stay on the couch the whole time) and hopefully this will be the last of it.

Now I can focus on the important stuff, like hoping my twins are smart like these guys! (No, NOT the ones in the picture!!)

Thanks so much for all the kind wishes!!

Pink Stinks

Two stupid things I did.

1) I said how it must be true that the rain on my wedding day was good luck.

2) I signed up for NaBloPoMo. I felt like I’d been neglecting my blog and it would be a great way to chronicle the pregnancy and reconnect and yadda yadda…

But then yesterday at around noon I went to the bathroom and what to my TP Tango’ing eyes did appear? Pink.

Fucking pink.

So now that luck business is out the window and instead of NaBloPoMo’ing about ultrasounds or my cute growing belly or when to start buying maternity clothes I will be angsting about vaginal sludge.

So here’s the lowdown. In an attempt to be fully descriptive, you are about to receive a dose of TMI. If you can’t take it, it’s ok. Come back tomorrow. OK…Yesterday at noon, I see the pink. Freak out a little and then start an every 20 min bathroom cycle. Nothing else happens, but it kind of smells like blood – or like my period at least. But again, no further color issues, so I was starting to feel a little better. Then when I got home I passed two eeny weeny light tan clots - if they were even clots - “gobs of gunk” maybe?

Overnight there was nothing, and now this morning there’s been more sludge on three different occasions. Two clearish/milky, one with a tint of almost orangey-red. No actual blood so far, but I definitely feel weird…kind of period-y. Psychosomatic? Most likely. But it feels pretty fucking real.

I just called my new ob and they can’t see me until 11/8. This is not promising for any future emergencies. So now, I think I’ll start looking around for a new, new ob. Awesome. I left a message on the advice line and will hear back at some point today. But most likely it will be just the same as what the RE nurse told me yesterday. She said not to worry unless I’m gushing real, actual blood, going through a pad every 30 minutes, or if I pass a golf ball sized clot. I’m sorry, GOLF BALL SIZED??? That is approximately the size of one of the WT’s. So by that point, I would have lost my fucking mind. She crazy.

So this is my Friday. Freaking out and trying not to move much except for frequent trips to the loo. We were supposed to go back for a daylight-look at a house we liked, but to hell with that. It’s probably better to let them sweat out the weekend, anyway. So maybe some good will come of this.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

This has been the best four years ever. It was raining on the morning of our wedding day and everyone said that's good luck. At this point I have to believe them!

Thanks baby!

(It's also my dog's birthday. She's 3!)

Delusions, Whining and a Lesson

Ok, so our delusion has ended. W and I had seriously considered staying in our wee lil apartment even after the Wonder Twins arrive. It’s cheap, it’s in a great neighborhood, we’d be hip, city dwelling parents! It’s small, it’s a one-bedroom, it’s a third floor walk-up. We are idiots.

But we’ve seen the light. Many of our friends and family have responded with a kind, “Um yeah, DUH.” We’re meeting with our realtor-to-be tonight to look at some houses in the East Bay. Goodbye hip, city-dwelling status. Hello suburbia! I think in the long run it will be far better to have more space and a yard and all that. It’s just a matter of picking the right one in the right neighborhood, you know? Plus we are real estate geeks and home improvement fools. So much so that even in our rented apartment, we put in a new kitchen floor. Gotta keep those skilz sharp!

So, although I’m excited, I’m also a little wary of this house tour. I tend to get carsick even on the best of days, and we’re going to be riding in our realtor’s car in a very hilly, curvy-roaded neighborhood. I’m fucked. Evenings have been the worst time for me, as far as “morning” sickness is concerned. Unfortunately it’s been getting worse lately instead of better. Kinda frustrating. (But of course I’m not complaining! Just whining a little!) Last night we were at the Bridge School Benefit and I made us leave early - before Metallica. W is so nice. He tried to pretend he wasn’t upset! I tried to stay, but I was heaving and vomurping (thank you Leah!) and figured I want the time I puked all over myself at a 1990 Steve Miller show to stand alone. I don’t really need multiple concert-puking stories, do I?

Wish me luck tonight! For A) no puking and B) finding the perfect house!

I will definitely be getting to my 8 random things, I promise! This job is just crazy busy. It’s good, but I’m really missing the blogosphere! I have a post in my head about the stress of gaining weight with twins. Check back soon for more self-centered freaking out!

And now...your Lesson of the Day:

If you’re on your way to an open house, and you notice a donut shop, by all means, stop. Get two. It’s ok. Eat them. Voraciously. While driving. It’s ok, really! BUT…when you are about to go meet with the realtor and you ask your husband to check your shirt for crumbs, go ahead and have him check your crotch, too. Otherwise you might go through the ENTIRE house showing with a one-inch flake of glaze stuck to your business.

Graduation Day!

Yep, I'm released! I got a little gift bag with a pregnancy book and some massage oil (??). The babies (as you can see below) are gorgeous. In the picture, one has a slightly detached head, but I'm sure this is the week when it fuses to the rest of the body, right? And if not, I'm sure will come in handy in low-ceilinged rooms. Still...detached heads or no, cute, right?

Now it's OB time! I have an appt for mid November, which seems like a LONG time from now.

This weekend we're going to the SF Parents of Multiples consignment sale. I don't know if we'll actually buy anything, but it will be fun to kind of get in the spirit of things. Ok, now that I think about it, I'm gonna have to buy something.

I'm still really enjoying my job. The tequila party is now a bowling party, which is a good thing. Taking the emphasis off the booze will help a little. I don't need that to be my coming out party. I really don't know when to make that happen. If I don't start feeling better it's going to start being obvious. Plus, I had the first chance to use my new Bella Band today! I wore some pants that I could have buttoned, but feeling as ill as I have been, it just felt gross to do so. But with the BB, voila! So great. Other than feeling kind of permanently nauseated, I also get a slammin' headache every night right about 4 or 5. My boob soreness is pretty much gone, and the tiredness that washes over me around mid-afternoon is pretty easily fixed with the walk to BART and then home from where I get off. I do go to bed like a pioneer, though at 9 or so and HATE waking up. Usually I'm a morning person, so it feels kind of weird to be lying there so useless in the morning. But I'm sure this will pass, and even though it goes w/o saying, I am NOT complaining!!!

So that's about it from the House of the Wonder Twins! Happy Weekend to all!

You Just Never Know Who Else is in the Club

You’ll never guess what I overheard my new boss ordering over the phone…

PIO for his wife! Well, all I heard was, “I need to order more progesterone for my wife. She likes it in the peanut oil…” That was enough for me! And the fact that he said “more” I wonder if she’s pregnant now?

I am so tempted to talk to him about it, but then I might have to give up my supersecretstealth pg status. I guess that will have to happen very soon, anyway since I’m planning a company event at the local tequila bar. We’ll be doing margarita lessons. Break my heart, why don’t you? I may need to have a teeny sip.

Anyway, about the job…it’s going really well! I even got email from my boss saying that I’m doing a fabulous job. Woo hoo! I am super busy without being overworked, and never get to read blogs anymore. Makes me sad, but I guess in the long run, I’d rather be challenged at work than stalking the interwebs all day. And the weekend’s a’comin’ so I’ll be reading like a fiend to catch up.

As for pg-ness... I was feeling pretty gross for a while, and like Leah, reveling in every nasty bit of it. But on Wednesday, I stupidly went to my acupuncturist who had the unmitigated gall to fix me! Since I saw her I’ve had almost NO symptoms. I refuse to worry about it; instead I’ll chalk it up to her misguided intention to prevent me from wonder twin-induced misery. Silly silly girl.

We’re still out of our heads with glee(k! Get it?) over the WT’s. Every time one of us says, “when the babies come…” we look at each other and go, “Babies?!?!?” We go back and forth about moving. The main issue with our apartment is, well, aside from its relative teeniness, is that it’s a 3rd floor walk-up with no real storage on the ground floor for strollers/etc. My thought right now is to suck it up and stay there as long as we can stand it. Hauling my ass up and down the stairs will definitely help get rid of the baby weight, and we’ll be saving major money and be able to buy a nicer place in a year or so when the babies...BABIES!?! take up more space. If we were to buy, our monthly housing expense would pretty much double. Of course, in just a few months time, just getting myself up and down the stairs may prove to be too much, so we might end up just renting a bigger, lower place. I hate to give up my top floor-ness, though. It’s no penthouse, but it’s so nice having no one above us. Although on the other hand, if we were on the ground floor I wouldn’t feel so bad about playing DDR at night. Hmm… so much to consider!

Those Wonder Twins Sure Take Things Literally!

Yep. It's Two-Fer Friday! They have great looking heartbeats, measure 6w3d (I'm 6w5d) are unbelievably adorable.

More later after I eat and probably after I take the IL's wine tasting. W's drinking for 4 now, so he's got to get started!

In a word - OMGTHISISSOAMAZINGANDICAN'TFRIGGINBELIEVEHOWLUCKYWEARE!!!!!

I. P. Freely, Finally!

You'll never guess who I got to go see today...

Eddie!

Um yeah, so I got word that the sample I worked so hard to produce was too diluted so I to do another. On the upside it was a good excuse to dump the IL's at the base of the GG Bridge so they could walk across while I went back to the lab to pee. So ridiculous. But this time I went for the big cup straight away and it was a triumphant success.

14 hrs, 30 minutes til the u/s!!!!!!! Please oh please let it be good news!

Eddie & Erin, BFF

Yesterday afternoon I went to LabC0rp to pee in a cup for the drug test required for my new job. I'm pregnant, so this should be easy as pie, right?

Um...no. I purposely didn't go to the loo before heading to the lab, and once I got all the directions and the little cup from Edward, my lab tech, I was more than psyched for the opportunity to "go" for it.

Except I couldn't! I did pee a little, but because the receptacle was so narrow, most of it missed. So I waited, sure that more was to come. I mean these days I pee about every 6.7 minutes, so it wouldn't be long!

Or so I thought. Finally, Edward comes and knocks on the door to ask if I'm ok. Humiliating! (Of course, he was probably thinking I'm somehow swapping out my smack filled urine with the "clean" sample I snuck in or something, but honestly I haven't taken any fun drugs in YEARS!)

So, I'm forced to admit my failure and shamefully emerge from the room with my 1.2 millileters of pee. He tells me to drink some water and try again in 20 minutes. So I do.

Was my luck any better this time around? Nope! Almost nothing comes out. It was so freakin' frustrating! After my second flop Edward tells me just to come back the next day. Just what I wanted to hear. Ugh!

When I turned up this morning, Eddie (I mean, at this point we're pals, right?) yells out from the back, "Oh, is that Erin? Come on back and try again!" This gets me more than one odd look from the other people in the waiting room.

I had pounded a huge glass of water before leaving home, but do you think I could put any of it into that motherfucking teeny ass cannister? No. Well, not much. Not enough to make it to the minimum line, anyway.

Holy cripes. Now I'm embarassed, frustrated and starting to wonder just what the eff is wrong with me. I skulk back out the waiting room, have 4 more glasses of water and read my book. Eddie then brings me a glass of warm water, and I laugh thinking of that old slumber party trick, but no - he wants me to drink it. I do, and wait, and finally I told him I'm ready, but that I think the small cannister is what's getting to me. I think the eensy weensy target was messing with my head.

Magically Eddie provides me with a giant Solo-beer-keg-esque kind of cup. Now we're talking! I head right into the bathroom and thankfully am able to march out triumphantly head (and plentiful urine sample) held high.

Eddie's reasoning for not offering the bigger cup from the very beginning is that it doesn't have a lid and he doesn't want to smell the pee. From a man who spends his entire day handling urine sample cups (with plenty of pee on the OUTSIDE), flushing the toilet for people post-sample, and generally working in the nastiest smelling office I've ever had the displeasure of visiting twice in 24 hours this seemed a bit finicky. Now, this could be because I'd spent way too much time in said stank ass office, and I was peeved (ha!) that this easy solution hadn't been presented sooner.

So, after much hullabaloo, all's finally well in the drug test department. Thanks to the 8 million liters of water I drank, I've been peeing even more than usual today. Good thing, because other than that, I've got NOTHING TO DO at this temp job. Nada. So insane. I arrived late today and took a two hour lunch with my cousin and no one had a clue! That's certainly nice, but for the many, many hours in between, it is SO BORING. Only one more day to go and then I'm taking next week off.

Woo to the Hoo!

I got the job! Woo hoo! I'm gainfully employed again! Or at least I will be on October 8.

(Am I really cheering about this?)

Yes. Yes, I am. It seems like a great company, my new boss appears to be very pleasant and I'm getting a nearly 50% raise from my old job. All very good things.

PLUS, I'll have much better healthcare than I would have if I had to stay with W's insurance. Kaiser's great if you sprain an ankle, but I am psyched to be a little choosier about my ob. MY OB!

So I'll continue my hole-punching gig for next week, then take the first week of October off to hang out with my mom and then with W's parents. I expect them to give me some good material for the blog, so just keep those reading glasses handy!

2WW Redux

Oh what a day!

It all started with an email to my friend about how I wasn’t going to stress about getting an earlier appointment and I would just “bask in glee.” Ok, that is just fucking hilarious because not 2 hours later I was smack dab in the middle of a total freakout. I don’t know exactly what brought it on, but it was crazy. I ended up emailing the nurse at my RE’s telling her a little bit about my freakout and beating wimpishly around the bush to ask if they ever let people do earlier ultrasounds. Olga, the nurse who looked after me during my retrieval sent back a really nice email about how things were looking great and while I could come in for another beta if I want, they really discourage earlier ultrasounds because it’s hard to see anything and they can add stress rather than relieve it.

At the end of her email she said “I know this waiting period is hard but you honestly are in very good standing for a viable pregnancy.” As I read the words “viable pregnancy” I started crying. Happy tears, of course, but they were kind of unexpected to say the least. I guess I’m a little hormonal! I also had to restrain myself from throwing W’s laptop across the room last night because he kept watching these annoying clips from You Tube. Normally I’m all over the You Tube, but last night I thought I’d kill him. Then later he was wrestling with the dog and that was bothering me. I’m usually pretty even keeled, (despite my profane outbursts here, of course) so these ups and downs are kind of strange. But good-strange. I want to feel different. I would also like to feel a little more secure about this pregnancy, but I guess that will have to wait until October 5th. Which is 2 weeks away, hence the title of this post. If only Leah had a special u/s stick for me to pee on!

In other news, at lunchtime today I had my second interview at the real estate firm from last week. Things have juuuust a bit since I had my first one, but I think I’d still like the job. 9 months is a long time and unless we hit the lottery (Note to self: Start buying lottery tickets.) I will probably have to go back to work at least in some capacity. The company is supposedly very family friendly, although I’m not sure if that extends to people informing them about a month after they start that they’ve got a bun in the cubicle… They also offer the curious “Maternity Management” so we’ll see what that’s all about, as well as part-time/flex hours and job sharing. There are two open positions in different departments and at today’s interview I met with people from both groups. I definitely have a preference of the two. It wasn’t so hard – what would you prefer “Churning out lease agreements” or planning fun events and creating a newsletter? My dream job is to be “Company Party Planner” so I’m hoping I’ll be able to move forward with the second position. Plus I got a good vibe from the guy who would be my boss, and that’s always a good thing. I already heard back from the HR woman that the people from both departments liked me and I told her my preference. Now I just need the official offer! It will be really tough leaving this temp job, though. I mean, who is going to three hole punch these papers???

I did warn that there would be mad ramblings here, so if you’ve made it this far, at least you were warned!

Beta Numero Dos

I just got the call and my second beta is 558. That's a doubling time of 36.76 hours. This time it was a different nurse who called and I could actually feel her smiling through the phone, so that was nice. She also said what a great number it is. Three cheers for enthusiasm! I'm still trending in the twin range on betabase.info, but hell, I did name those little suckers the Wonder Twins. I guess maybe they're just starting out as the most obedient and mama-pleasin' kids on the planet?

Now comes the really hard part. I've read about these long waits for the first ultrasound and thought, "Shut it sister, you're pregnant, what's your beef?" But now I see! At my RE they bring you in at 7 weeks which would have been sometime the week of 10/8. W's parents are coming to town 10/3 - 6 so I pleaded with Nurse Nicety Nice to move it up and she did! So I'll go in the morning of 10/5, and will hopefully see wonderful things which will make it a breeze for me to serve as chauffeur to W and his 'rents for a day of wine tasting.

Until then, feel free to visit here for the ramblings of a happy, slightly nervous, but HAPPY girl!

Tsk! Tsk!

I was so excited to go to my beta appointment on Sunday morning, especially since that morning I’d peed on two more sticks and despite a middle of the night trip to the loo, both the FRER and the digital came up positive almost immediately. So I was feeling good about the trip and was excited to share the news with people who actually had a hand in it.

So, once we’re safely out of earshot of any other patients, I tell the nurse (who I was pleased to see was the one who’d been at most of my appts) about my good fortune and after a little nod, there is almost NO reaction aside from saying, “I had a feeling you’d do that.” I knew that they might be nonplussed about a pee stick, so I had been totally honest and told her just how many sticks had given me the thumbs up (5). She is none too impressed. Asks me about any symptoms, I tell her (round ligament pain, sore boobs) and then she says, well that could be the prometrium, you know. Um, yes, but HELLO! I’m pregnant. Can’t you give me a smile or something? And “I had a feeling you’d do that”??? All scoldy like? I thought we’d bonded, man! And all along I’d been planning to test on the morning of my beta. I was just hurried along by Ms. Leah T. Stickpusher is all. I know some people don’t do the hpt’s, but I’m sure we POAS’ers can’t be THAT much of a minority, can we? Are we just a small band of urine cup wielding rebels wreaking havoc with RE's offices across the land?

Nurse Killjoy makes a few notes in my file and it’s on with the blood sucking. I left a few minutes later feeling a bit sad about her lack of enthusiasm. Luckily I had enough of my own and I was over it by the time the elevator hit the ground floor.

Then later in the afternoon when another nurse called to give me the results she said with a smidgeon of disbelief, “Well it looks like all those tests you took were right.” Um, first of all – DUH! And second, did they make a note of just how many I took? And the way she said it made it seem like I was being naughty. Maybe I have an RE demerit now (or 5).

Anyway, does anyone else ever get scolded for POAS’ing?

Beta results are in!

I just deleted a long ranting post about how the nurse promised me I'd hear by 2, and they were late and blah di blah who cares about that?

230. 14dpo.

Kind of twinny, no? Must do research to appropriately freak out.

Lest you misunderstand if I'm freaking out good or bad, I guess it's really neither. I'd certainly prefer a singleton, but I'm happily accepting babies in any and all quantities. (really it can only be 2.) (Unless one split.) (Holy fuck!!)

All in all fab news. Thanks so much for all the well wishes!!!!

Circle of Life -Digitally Enhanced

My mom had been trying not to tell me about Cody's illness until I was through the 2WW because she didn't want to add stress to my life. She told W, though, who of course promptly told me. No way should she go through this without me.

Once we began talking about it She sweetly offered that Cody would send us down a little blond baby. I didn't think he'd be gone so quickly, but he's failing really quickly, and they're putting him down this morning. I haven't told her anything yet, but she does know she'll hear one way or the other on Sunday. I felt like she should have some time with her grief, and then I can whack her upside the head with this piece of good news.

I'm moving onto a digital test for my next one. The idea would be to wait until tomorrow morning, but I really don't know if I can make it that long. We'll see... In the meantime, thanks for all the happy wishes!!!!!!!!

So, yeah, wasn't so able to wait until tomorrow. I just took a digital test and I am

P!R!E!G!N!A!N!T!

Holy motherfucker. Does it mean I'm going to be a bad mom if I forgot my prometrium supp this morning?

Uh... Ughpdated.. Again with pic and further speculation

No use beating around the bush.










This is 8dp3dt. I don't really have words. I've never been pregnant.

Until today.

I'll update tomorrow with a new stick and a (hopefully) darker line.

9/14 The line this morning? It is not darker. It's there, but it's a bit lighter. Could the trigger still have been in my system, 13 days later? I highly doubt it. Was it a chem? Maybe? Did the fact that I had to pee in the middle of the night screw up my FMU? I'm hoping so. More tests to come...

Check out Leah! That stick pusher is knocked up!

Here's the picture of today's stick. You're going to need to squint to see the line, but it's there.
I did notice that my pee was much darker when I tested last night than it was this morning. Kind of opposite, right?

#1 v. #2

So throughout this process of #2, I’ve noted many differences between the two cycles and I’m thinkin’ with this many differences, the outcome must be different, too, right?

RIGHT??

Here are the differences

#1
Eager newbie, brimming over with enthusiasm
#2
Slightly seasoned vet, enthusiasm tempered by continued lack of babything from #1

#1
Wheatgrass supplements
#2
Wheatgrass and DHEA

#1
Antagon protocol, no bcp, no lupr0n, 2-3 shots/day
#2
Microdose lupr0n protocol, bcp 2 weeks, 7 shots a day

#1
Working at stress-filled, hated job
#2
Gloriously unemployed with no pressure to become employed until post IVF cycle

#1
Right ovary non-participatory
#2
Right ovary joins the game

#1
W’s sample produced at home
#2
W’s sample produced at RE’s office

#1
Four eggs retrieved
#2
Six eggs retrieved

#1
None fertilize or show 2PN status within 24 hours
#2
Two fertilize and are 2PNs after 24 hours

#1
Went to work straight from transfer, then after work took subway downtown and walked to acupuncture. Walked/subway’d home.
#2
Driven straight to acupuncture then driven straight home for day of couch potatoing

#1
Post-transfer acu session totally normal – peaceful, relaxing, snoozy
#2
Post-transfer acu session totally out of fucking control. Restless Leg Syndrome became Restless BODY seizure attack. Two needles fell out during the session.

I know there are more differences, but these are the ones that come to mind right off the bat. I’m not including anything about symptoms, because frankly they are all just fucking with me right now. Round ligament pain, sore boobs…I’ve got ‘em alright, but do they mean anything? Who the hell knows…

Random Updates

Well, the update on Cody is not good. His only option is chemo which would just prolong things a bit, not cure him, and my mom is against it. I agree with her that it is really just for the people and doesn’t do anything for the pet. She wants to remember him as the happy, bouncy sweet guy that he is. Of course if this was my dog, I don’t know that I could make such a decision, but I do get where she’s coming from. It is so so sad, though.

**********

My interviews yesterday went well. The first was more of a “Is she breathing and can she string a coherent sentence together?” kind of deal. And apparently I am and I can! Because now I’m here temping (blogging) away! So far it’s boring as hell. They’re still getting me hooked up to the network, and so far my only task has been to print out the attachments from a couple e-mails and 3-hole punch them. WHEW! I am beat! Not to mention I’m giving Rachel a run for her money for most ridiculous task that a person can do themselves and does not need a temp for. Hopefully I’ll get something a little meatier soon. So far I’m not so sure I’d want to work her long-term though. It’s a little quiet around here. Although there is free ice cream in the “cabanas” (their completely misleading term for the kitchenettes).

Ugh, another "please print this email" request. Pardon me a minute…

Wow. That is really taxing. I think I have a headache from all this thinkin’. How does it go again? Double click to open, Ctrl-P to print…hmm maybe I should write this down.

Thanks be to hay-soose the other interview at the Real Estate firm also went well. It was with two women from HR, but I think we hit it off and I should hear back by the end of this week if I’ll make it to the next round. It definitely seems like a nice place to work and the job sounds fun. Plus W and I own a 2-family in Manchester, NH and are kind of into the whole real estate thing (despite being SF renters at the moment).

This morning I got to the temp gig and was given a form to take down to the building’s security office so I could get a photo id. It turns out this building is managed by the company I interviewed with yesterday, so when I saw their logo on the form, I was so confused. “Did I already get the job? Where am I?” Man, just a few days of unemployment and my brain goes to mush!

***************

I don’t think I already mentioned this on the ole’ blog or not, but poor W thought that my beta was this past Sunday, not next Sunday. He was kind of devastated. Now he’s kind of wanting me to POAS, but I just don’t know. I think once Leah gets her BFP tomorrow I’m going to be more inclined, but for now I remain steadfast in my resolve (heh) not to bust out the sticks.

Cody

My mom's dog has cancer. He is the sweetest golden retriever ever. He's my dog's favorite playmate, the de facto mayor of his town and most importantly a HUGE part of my mom's life. She'll know more about his outlook after a battery of tests today. Please think some good thoughts about him.

...Activate! Update

Well, I'm hoping that the Wonder Twins' powers really DO activate today. I'm heading in for my transfer in about an hour. Only the two made it through. This is ok. Last time I transferred more than I wanted to and this time, I will be able to really and truly root for these two lil guys to latch on for a nine month ride.

More on their quality, etc. when I get back! Transfer is at 10:15 PST and then I'm going to acu on the way home.

Go give good luck to Leah too! Her transfer is this afternoon.

Updated with embie stats - I transferred two decent looking embryos. One 6 cell grade 1 and one 7 cell grade 2. Acu went ok, although I was wide awake and had wicked RLS. Now I'm at home watching some tivo and relaxing my arse off.

A Wee Bit O' Optimism

So firstly, thanks for all the comments and shout-outs. They are such a huge help. I am still kind of bummed that more didn't fertilize, but on the plus side, this is a shitload better than last time! I guess I sort of erased from my mind that last time my doc essentially transferred a bunch of garbage into my ute. At least this time around I have actual embryos! I'm calling them Zan and Jayna.

And now for a funny little story. W had to "produce his sample" as they so nicely put it, at the RE's office, which was a first for him. We live close enough that in the past they've said it's fine to do so at home, but this time I decided we should do everything different that we could. Anyway, when I asked him how it went, he said he tried starting out with a Penthouse, but had to choose a different mag because there were too many articles! Luckily he was able to find something "raunchier" that did the trick. So ladies, I guess when you hear that old "I just get it for the articles!" it might actually be true!

Dos

Well, of the six only two fertilized. I am obviously pretty bummed, but mostly ok. After all, it only takes one! (Slaps self upside head...)

Awesome news for Leah, though!