Tuesday, October 7, 2008

...with my mind on my babies and my babies on my mind.

"You're so laid back." 

"You're so relaxed."

I keep getting comments like these in relation to my mothering, and I just can't seem to take them as a compliment. 

Do they mean:

"Your holey-crotched yoga pants evoke a confident ease." or

"The way you put your greasy mop back in the same ponytail every day shows a true laissez-faire approach to hair care" or more likely,

"Watching you let those babies cry as you pee/shove a meal down your gullet/scratch your ass shows you've developed a truly casual parenting style."

I'm sure that's overthinking it a bit, but I just wonder what people mean exactly.  I don't notice that other moms are super hyper (Well, not all moms anyway).  I'm generally a laid back person in a lot of respects.  And I've discovered that babies cry.  Sometimes they're crying for a reason, but sometimes they're just crying because they don't know what else to do with their bountiful spare time. 

Also, I really subscribe to the theory that if I stay calm, the babies will too.  We keep a fairly quiet house.  The tv is low when it's on.  We don't yell much (ever) and I think (hope) that this will result in chill kids who don't need to shriek to be heard.  But now that I've been getting this comment so much, I wonder if I'm TOO relaxed.  Should I be rushing to them at every squawk?  Or wiping up every drop of drool?  I've recently renamed Sarah "Drooliette Lewis", so I would be extremely hard-pressed to keep up with that constant flow.  I guess I will just take it as a compliment, but I know that every time someone says it, I will wonder a little bit what about me seems so chill.

So, spill it.  Have you ever thought a mom was laid back?  So much so that you told her?  And were you being nice?  Come on - I can take it!

Friday, October 3, 2008


Ok, so what is the goddamn deal with bouncy houses taking over the universe? 

Seriously?  I get that they're fun.  But they're not always necessary are they?  It seems like every roadside attraction now has to have one.  Our local farmer's market has one, and what's worse...every pumpkin patch in our area has TWO!  I can only imagine the poor parents trying to get their kids out of the bouncy house, "Come on Johnny, you can't go in the other one until you pick out your pumpkin."  I mean, hello - isn't the fun of going to the pumpkin patch PICKING OUT YOUR PUMPKIN?  It's just insane to me.  I guess they'll be at the Christmas Tree joints, too.  I find it so odd.

I don't mean to be all old-fashioned, but I just wonder if my kids are going to grow up thinking that bouncy houses are everywhere.  It seems like a sign of the times, and not a good one.

You know what else is odd?  The idea that Sarah freaking Palin might be elected into the Vice Presidency.  It's more than odd, really.  It's fucking terrifying.  Not to mention her war mongering pal.  What is wrong with this country?  How has she made it this far?  Who thought that she'd appeal to to Americans?  Why are they a little bit right?  All that babbling last night probably appealed to a lot of people and that's just scary.  I can't even write much more about it, or I'll go nutty.   But I will say that there ought to be an Amendment stating that VP candidates should be able to name at least one major newspaper.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Arranged Friendships

Yes - Pictures below!

So, one of the most interesting things about new motherhood is this idea of Mom's groups. Let me start by saying I absolutely love mine and I would probably be a little lost without it. Having a standing weekly date with people who understand why your hair is so greasy is so nice.

But the concept is definitely a little strange, no? I'm not sure how many of you out there are part of a group and/or how you came to be a part of it, but basically mine was the equivalent of an arranged marriage. I joined the local mother's club at large and then was assigned to a "playgroup" of women who had their babies in April, May or June. Thanks for your $45, now here are your new friends!

Amazingly it is a great group of women. My friend keeps saying, "Has the psycho shown her true colors yet?" and I fully expected there to be at least one, right?  But so far so good. In fact, I am pretty thrilled with the group.  One woman brings wine to all our playdates, not caring that they start at 11am. I heart her a lot. Another had a mom and babies TGIF party at 3pm the other day, complete with beer, bubbly and apps. Heaven!

In an attempt to provide myself with more free outings, I've joined another group for twin moms (my other group is all singletons). More coming after our inaugural meeting next week!

Speaking of next week, my triathlon is one week from today. I haven't exactly been training much. I walk all the time, and now with the B0B have been tackling more hilly terrain, but as far as, you know, actual TRAINING... uh no. In fact, I recently convinced myself that it's better if I don't take a run between now and the race. I figure there's not nearly enough time for it to have any training-type effect, and in the worst case I'll injure myself! So, that run will be my first in 13 months. The last being another 5k that I did absolutely no training for. Smaht. This race is even shorter than a true sprint tri, and I know I could complete each component (somewhat) easily on its own, but put all together? Gawd. It could get ugly.

Ok, as promised, photos!


This is a happy girl.



My big man.


The quintessential twin picture



Daddy keeping his girl warm.



Matty doing his best "sack o flour" imitation at our twins club summer picnic.



Matty in the jumperoo - he has no idea what it is, but he likes it!


Sarah taking her turn.


Once you get your fill of the cuteness, look past the babies to the SEA of baby gear.  It's EVERYWHERE...


test post

testing Windows Live Writer...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


Let me start by saying that I'm not posting any photos in this post. I don't blame you if you decide to just move on without reading any further. I get it. I'll make up for it next time, but I'm just too damn lazy to go find the camera AND the cable. Just trust me, they're cute. Gummy, dimply smiles... Drooly, goofy grins... you get the idea.

So, I'm on night 3 of putting them to bed by myself. W has a wicked deadline and has been working til 9 or so for the past week and a half. Last week my mom was around to help out, but this week she's illin', so I'm flying solo. Honestly it hasn't been that bad. I'm pretty tired from being "on" all the time, but other than that it's going ok. Tonight I even went for a higher degree of difficulty by adding in baths! Madness. Of course, as I type I can hear Matthew starting to clamor for his "dreamfeed." Guess I'll deal with him before he wakes his sis.

To be continued...

Ok, let's hope that takes. They've both got colds, so nighttime hasn't been all that fun lately.

Oy. The whining has commenced. FUUUUUUUUCK. Come home W, come home!!! He's supposedly about 10 minutes away. I'm letting M sputter it out - at least until Daddy gets here. It's not like he needs more food. As of yesterday Matthew weighs 15lbs 4 oz to Sarah's waif-like 12-11. She looks so tiny next to him! It's funny, though - girls really do do everything first. She smiled first, grabbed toys first, rolled over first... all that. And now she's gabbing away. He does a Chewbacca like moan, but she has all different kids of sounds that are so friggin' cute. I could chat her up all day long. Especially because the babbling seems to make her SO happy. She giggles and talks and giggles... I just love it.

I feel like I need more angst to blog. I know I'll have this to look back on and I'll enjoy reading all about the day to day stuff, but god I am SO boring, right?

One angsty thing is the fact that my mom is leaving me. She and my stepdad live in Palm Springs during the winter and they're heading down early this year - on October 1. She isn't here every single day, but she does stop by most days and often for a few hours. She has been a lifesaver and I don't know what sort of state we'd all be in if not for her presence. So that begs the question... What the fuck am I going to DOOOOOO????

Thankfully I have my mom's group, but that's only once a week. I will be going on lots of walks, I think.

Also, I'll be busy unpacking... Assuming that all the inspections pass muster, we BOUGHT A HOUSE! Well, they just accepted our offer. So we've got a ways to go, but it's looking good. It's in need of a bit of cosmetic work, so once that's done we'll be moving in. I'm so glad because the winter is coming and our current townhouse is pretty dark. Also, it's on the 2nd floor, so if we're not actually going for a walk, when the dog needs to go out it is QUITE the production. One kid in the bj0rn, one in my arms, poop bag in my pocket, dog on leash and then navigating the stairs without falling. It aint' pretty. The idea of just opening a slider to the backyard is very exciting.

Ok W is finally home! Woo hoo! More frequent, boring posts to come, but from now on punctuated with cute pics.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

We're Alive!

I am a sucky blogger of late. My Firef0x has been open for weeks with six trazillion of your wonderful blogs open, just waiting for a moment so that I can comment. I have deep thoughts and supportive things to say, but just not when I've got two hands to type. When I have two hands, it means I have no babies, which means for some reason that my brain turns to absolute mush. And now, look at me - writing my own blog, while yours sit woefully uncommented-upon (by me - I'm sure there are many more together people who have their lives in order).

Since my brain function is fleeting at best, let me get in a few thoughts before it clicks off for the evening:

1. Overall the babies are doing SO great. Matthew is becoming a freaking giant. By our bathroom scale he is about 14.5 pounds. Sarah is around 12. For 16 weeks, that's not so bad! We have our 4 month appointment a couple weeks late on 9/16, so it will be fun to see how tall they are and what their weights are exactly. It still amazes me that my breastmilk makes them grow like this!

2. Speaking of bf'ing, it's still going well. I got another mini case of mastitis, but luckily Matty was extra hungry and he helped clear things out. What a guy. My little sumo wrestler... We are pretty much sticking to an every 3 hour schedule during the days and I nearly always feed them tandem style. This has been a lifesaver!

3. Once feeding time is over, we have a little play time - usually one kid in a bouncy and the other at the "gym". We signed up for gymb0ree class, so we've been going for the last two Mondays. It's probably too early for this, but I swear, they LOVE it! And it gives me good ideas for ways to engage them at home. I've been doing an assload of "itsy bitsy spider" of late. Thank god these two aren't too choosy when it comes to singing. They think I'm good! Or at least funny. They are both giggling all the time and I swear it has to be the best noise I've ever heard. Sarah's is this high-pitched squeak of glee, and Matty's is a bit deeper, but his entire face lights up, including the sweetest little dimples. Sarah contains her smile to her mouth and her eyes, almost like she's trying to hide the fact that she's smiling. I don't know who she's hiding from, but it's also super cute.

4. After playtime is naptime. Could someone let my kids know that? They're not really interested. I guess they just want to hear me sing! But seriously. A lil nap here and there couldn't hurt, could it? Sarah is better at it, and occasionally hers last 2 or 3 hours, but Matty thinks naps are for girls. You'd think he'd be all cranky from the exhaustion, but he is the sweetest, most-smilingest little dude! I will keep trying to put them down after 2 hrs of wake time, a la We1ssbluth, but it's getting a bit disheartening.

5. If only he'd sleep at night! Well, he does sleep, but not for long stretches. He was doing 5-6 hrs, and even did one 7 hour stretch, but now those seem to be gone. We put them down around 7:30, then he's usually up by midnight, then at 3ish, and then again at 6:30. It's no wonder he's so much bigger than his sister, because while he's eating the night away, she's sleeping like a champ. She's pretty good for between 10 and 12 hours, thank GAWD! I don't know what I'd do if they were both up all night. Sometimes we have luck with a good nap within an hour of their 6:30 wake up, but not always. Not even often. Just often enough to make me believe that it can happen.

6. As of two nights ago, we're done swaddling, which is nice. It was getting to be a pain, and Matty kept busting out, so we tried him for a few nights without. He did great, and then we stopped with Sarah, too. She hadn't had any issues with the swaddle, but didn't notice the change.

7. We got a B0B today! I cannot wait to get out on the trail with it! It is a dream compared to the snap-n-go. I mean, I totally love the sng for convenience, but we've been trying to take some fitness walks and it's just not cutting it. The kiddos are a little small for the B0B, but we'll probably make them take a ride tomorrow anyway.

8. Speaking of tomorrow... I'm going to 0utside Lands! It's this big concert in SF featuring two of my favorite bands. I cannot wait! W is staying home with the nugs. It will be great for him to get an idea of how my days are, and even more than that, to just hang with the babies. Basically by the time he gets home it's pretty much time to start the bedtime routine. The poor guy.

9. We had the most wonderful visit from Parker and Jackson (and their parents, of course!). I couldn't believe how big and fun P&J are! And CUTE! Man, are they ever cute. I guess it was good timing to see them when we did, as it was the eve of Watson's boot camp. I'm not sure she'll make it out alive!

10. I'm sure there's much more to say, but my brain is starting to fizzle.

11. Oh wait, I know - WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK with all the diving? Why do they need to do so many dives? They have been doing it for days and days and days. It's absolute insanity. Also? How does that chick analyze the dives so quickly? I mean, I know she probably was a diver and all that, but one's eyes can only take in so much! So, I'm simultaneously annoyed and amazed every time the diving is on, which is ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Ok, pardon the Olympic rant. Here are some photos...

At my mom's group, just chillin' on the couch. Not sure what Matthew's winking at.

My niece decided that Matty needed some friends for his nap. He actually did sleep pretty well that day, so maybe there's something to it! Note the paci off to the side. Neither baby has ANY interest in them. So devastating.

Posing in these cute outfits from my friend CA.

Tummy time! Although it doesn't last too long these days because they both prefer to roll over. They can both go front to back, and Matthew seems VERY close to going back to front!

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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

As promised

Ridiculous photos...

And from the outtakes...

Sunday, July 27, 2008


Babies are sleeping!

And sleeping and sleeping and sleeping!

The routine is kicking ass so far. We've done it every night, even those when we've been out way later than we should be, and night after night the babies fall right to sleep! We had so many nights of it taking forever to get them to sleep, but now they know the drill. Bath, food, slumber.

And the best part? Matthew has started giving us some long stints of shut-eye! The last few nights he's done anywhere between 5 and 6 hours at a time! Love it! And Sarah's been doing 8 to 9. It's just incredible.

I'm fully prepared for them to revolt, but for now I am loving life.

Also, we've been having actual FUN during playtime! Laughter, interaction, the whole works! Sarah's started reaching out for the toys dangling from the gym and on the bouncy chair, and I swear she reached out for Matthew the other day. Plus she's developed a fondness for this one particular elephant. He makes her so happy! And they laugh when I sing, make silly noises and smile at them! It has reduced me to acting quite the fool just to see those gummy grins, but hell, it's just us there, so who cares?!

We had a nice weekend. W had to work on Saturday, but our friends came over with their baby and we just hung out all day. She and I are former roommates, so it's very easy for us to hang out informally. She even took a nap at one point! Also, they live without tv, so she got good and sucked into some HGTV. Eventually W came home and we took the kidlets down to the pool. Unfortunately it was too cold for the littles, but their baby LOVED it. He's almost 6 months and has more meat on his bones, so the cool water didn't bother him. Today I played some tennis with my mom and got to have a swim on my own. GLORIOUS! (Except for the beating my mom gave me on the court. She plays almost every day, but still! It was rough.)

Ok, the laptop's dying and I'm too lazy to go get the power cord. Tomorrow I'll post these RIDICULOUS pictures I took of the babies. I dressed them up in Happy Birthday gear, popped them into the bumbos and will send a framed picture to my brother as his b-day prezzie. I never thought I'd be the type of person to give presents of my kids as gifts, but not even 3 months in, I've caved.

Last thing - I think we're going to make an offer on a house! We'll be a bit stretched, but I would LOVE to have a real house. This townhouse has done the job, but we need a yard and I really want to paint the babies' room orange.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Take Me Out to the...


Last night we got a call from my stepsis that her husband's G!ants tickets were available. We knew that we wanted to take the Littles to a game at some point this year, but we didn't think it would be so soon! We had four tickets, so my dad came along and we kept the last seat for the diaper bag.

They were perfectly well-behaved and the talk of Section 222! Sarah ate herself through the first and second inning, but after that she slept with her dad in the Bjorn, so we weren't able to get any good pictures of her. We more than made up for it with cute ones of Matthew, though!

Then tonight just before bathtime we took this picture. It's the first time I've gotten a good picture of Matthew smiling.

Speaking of bathtime tonight, we've instituted a nice routine for bedtime for the past few days. We head upstairs, they get baths, then I feed them and they go down. Not much to it, but at some point we'll incorporate a book. I was also thinking I would get a Baby E1nstein cd to play in their room while W gets them ready before and after the bath*. It's been MUCH easier to get them to sleep in the evenings, but I can't say the routine has done much for how long they sleep. Sarah had been good for 6-8 hrs lately, but then last night she was up nearly every time with her brother, which was 10, 2, 3:30 (swaddling escapage which was only corrected by bf'ing) then 5am. UGH. It's not fun. I'm so cranky by the time the morning rolls around. I just wish Matthew would show ANY teeny bit of interest in lengthening the time he sleeps. Just one 4 hour shot would make me so happy.

Oh well, they're doing great otherwise. That horribly cranky period of about a week ago seems to have passed for now. (As has any immediate thoughts of shelving the boob.) We get lots of happy times during the day. I still struggle with how to transition them from eating (tandem bf'ing) to a bit o' playtime, to naptime. So often I fall into the trap of letting them have the milk-drunk nap on the bf'ing pillow. I know it's not a good long term solution, but as long as I've got the remote, my laptop and some water, it's hard to make a case for moving them, you know? Plus, my mom (aka my only help) has been away for most of this week and won't be back until late next week, so we are just doing whatever we can to survive around here.

They will be 12 weeks old on Thursday, which just blows my mind.

Oh man, W just brought me some oatmeal choc chip cookies. Bye now!

*Bathtime - We got an infant bath at one of our showers, but it seemed like so much of their tiny nekkid bods were out of the water that they had to be freezing! So I've taken to hopping in the real bathtub and having W pass them to me one at a time. They seem to really like it, especially Sarah. I just hold her head and shoulders and she floats around so peacefully. I know I'm going to be shat on any day now, but for now I love bathtime!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

It's Official

I am in trouble.

My dad was coming over to dinner the other night and just before he arrived I rushed up to change into something "nice".

What did I choose?

Yoga pants with dog hair all over them and a hole in the crotch.

Granted, it was just my dad, but STILL. I changed into these pants to dress myself up a bit. This is how What N0t To Wear victims (aka "lucky bitches") get their start.

Seriously, Stacy and Clinton? I'm here. I'm a little busy (and pudgy) right this very minute, but in about six months, I would absolutely love you to ambush me. I'll really need it by then. Will you be mad if I want everything to have an elastic waist? Also? I only wear flip flops. Or running shoes. Is that going to be a problem?

Monday, July 14, 2008

A Teeny Tiny Favor

Dear Babies of the World,

You know when you get all yawny and droopy-looking in the evening? That gives your overtired mama the idea that you're ready for bed. It encourages her to wrap you up tight, rub your back, sing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall (because that's the only song she can think of the words to) and put you down gently in your crib.

Well if you're not planning to fall asleep, why not let us know in THAT exact moment? Why let us creep hopefully back to my dinner or bed, audaciously (thanks Barack) hoping that we're about to get some shut eye. Why must you wait exactly as long as it takes for us to start eating or get comfortable for the exact moment that we become certain that "Oh this is the one....he's definitely going to sleep now," to begin the pathetic warbling that quickly evolves into operatic shrieking. Why?

Just let it out! Make your status known! We don't mind. We get that it might take a few tries for you to fall asleep. We just need you to let us know a little sooner.


Moms of the World

Saturday, July 12, 2008

This just in: Twins are hard work.

This is so fucking hard. I alluded to some serious crying in my last post and let me tell you, it's getting out of hand. I don't know any way to soothe these kiddos except feeding them. Even just holding them isn't enough lately. And today I've learned that joining in on the sobfest doesn't help either.

I tend to just feed them because it is the only thing that works. Of course then that means I'm always feeding them and have no time to do anything else. My house is a disaster, I look like crap and I feel even worse.

There was a short window where I feel like I was making some headway with a schedule, but it's long gone now. Our days are total chaos.

Today, after a feeding (or so I thought) as the three of us were crying, and W was asking me what to do, I seriously considered giving up breastfeeding. I feel like maybe with bottles then I could have more control over things. They are the slowest eaters EVER, with each feed lasting 45-60 minutes, and often even more because they keep coming back for more. Sarah's a bit quicker than Matthew, but not much. And her quickness doesn't really benefit us since I'm tandem feeding. When I'm by myself I might try to get her into a boppy or bouncy when she's done, but she'll inevitably start squawking.

Right now I don't even feel like I have the brains to adequately express all my issues.

I went to the new mom's group, hoping that the babies would do ok, but, here's a shocker: they didn't. Oh the screeching. Thank god one of the women brought her mom because this lovely woman held Matthew for the entire meeting. I definitely felt like I was taking advantage of her, but since her daughter's baby never made a fucking peep for the entire two hours, I guess it was ok.

I did go get a Baby Einste1n dvd, but haven't tried it out yet. I'm a little afraid because if it works, I'd be tempted to run it on a loop all goddamn day.

Ok, now the mofo dog needs me to take her out. Ahhh, motherhood.

Friday, July 11, 2008

While I wait for CPS to get here...

Current sitch: Two babies in bouncies on the floor facing...Sesame Street. And? Complete silence. Aside from the inane singing and chattering coming from the tv, but I'm ok with that since it's not incessant crying. I don't even think the babies are looking at the tv, but there's something about the music and goofy puppet talking that seems to be working. I don't have any baby einste1ns or anything, so I'm trying this. Thanks PBS.

I KNOW 10 weeks is way too soon for tv, but the crying, OH the crying! It was getting rough this morning and I hadn't eaten, or peed, or taken my fenugreek...blah blah excuses excuses. I never imagined that this would work, but now that it has I fear for my childrens' brains.

Ok - had to relieve my guilty conscience. Now off to do all those things I was talking about...

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Two Months Old! (updated)

I cannot believe my little babies are two months old already! And then on the other hand, I can't believe that I was ever without them. This has been so much fun - even when it's absolute hell.

The babies are doing really well. We had our 8-week appointment and Matthew pulled ahead in the weight department, coming in at 9 lbs, 9 oz. Sarah is a more dainty 9-2. They're both the same height - 22 inches. This puts them both at the 10th percentile for weight. Matthew is 15th for height and Sarah is 25th. Still quite wee, but our pediatrician said they'll catch up soon enough so I'm not worried. Especially considering that they eat pretty much constantly from morning 'til night. It's just amazing. We constantly are asking ourselves, "They couldn't possibly be hungry again, could they?" And the answer is invariably, "Yes." I love my little bottomless pits. Sometimes they even look like overeaters. Check out Sarah from this angle...

YIKES! Those are some cheeks! Now, to be fair, here's a real picture of her.

We call Matthew "The Healer" because he spends a lot of time in this position. We assume he's healing the masses.

They are both smiling, and I cannot get enough! It is so damn cute. I only wish it happened more often. There are times when they're just awake and happy, but it's rare - especially when it's just me here. If there's someone else to hold one of them, then we're good, but when it's just me, it can get ugly. For instance today, Sarah was inconsolable, and I was bf'ing Matthew. He was laying across me on a b0ppy and I was holding her over my shoulder. She was so wild that she was booting him in the stomach repeatedly, but he was so intent on the grub that he didn't seem to notice. I'm sure he'll get her back for it in a couple years.

At least I could reach her, though. So often I'll be feeding one and the other will be in the crib/bouncy/knife drawer and the crying is just so sad. I try to tandem feed as much as I can, but it doesn't always work out. I can't wait until they're more entertain-able. For now there's not a ton that will get their mind off crying besides getting picked up or eating. I really want to be more independent, but for now I'm all about having someone here whenever they can be.

Luckily I've had a ton of help from my mom and for the past month my brother has been here. He works in the tv/film industry and took time between projects to come get to know his niece and nephew. Isn't that cute? I swear he did it just so that when he goes back to his swingin' single life, he'll have great anecdotes to woo the ladies with. "Oh that Sarah would never sleep unless I swaddled her just so." He knew nothing about babies when he got here, but now he is practically an expert! We call him our Manny. I honestly don't know what I would have done without him these last couple weeks. He's leaving on Sunday (back to NYC) and I can't even think how sad it will be. Look how into it he is - he even does tummy time!

The nights are going ok. Sarah had been sleeping for some decent stretches - 5, 6 and 8 hours, a couple of weeks ago, but those are a thing of the past (and hopefully the future!) Currently she and Matty are pretty much in synch. We put them to bed around 7, they wake up at 10ish, 2ish and 5:30ish. I tandem feed at night and thankfully they have been going right back to sleep. Last night I completed two of the feedings in less than 45 minutes, which for these guys is miraculous. It's not so easy during the day, so I'm very grateful that the nights are calmer. It has been pretty hard to get them down at 7, so tonight for the first time we've tried separating them. Matthew's in the crib in our room and Sarah is in their room. It's kind of sad, but so far it's been working, so I guess I'll just have to get over it! Plus, it's not like they've even noticed one another yet. Of course if we had any brains about us, we would have put Sarah in our room instead of our human video game. MAN - he makes the funniest squeaks and grunts. She sleeps pretty quietly, but I swear I'm in an arcade when Matthew is sleeping. Damn. Now I have the Super Mari0 Br0thers song in my head.

I have had so many instances of "Oh, I've got to blog about that!" but I can't even come close to remembering any of them. My brain is mush. My body, however, is coming along. I've lost another couple of pounds and have been doing pretty well with the exercise. In addition to nearly daily walks, I've gone on a couple bike rides, played tennis, played 9 holes of golf (and kicked ASS with a 46!) and today I took a spinning class. Or, I should say, a spinning class took me. Sweet jesus, that was hard. I hadn't taken a spinning class in about two years, and it had to have been one of the hardest I've ever done. I will pay for that tomorrow.

It's great that I've been able to get out, but I do feel pretty guilty about it. My friends and family, W included are so supportive and convince me that it's ok to be out there, but once I'm away from the babies I feel like such a jerk. So who cares if I have to wear my maternity jeans to their high school graduation - shouldn't I want to be here all the time? I know I need a break, but sometimes I feel like I'm getting off too easy. My mom wants me to play 18 tomorrow, but there's no way in hell. The course is over an hour away and just the golf alone would take nearly 5 hours. At least the 9 hole course is close by. I'm hoping to keep up with the spinning class though, at least a couple times a week. It's at the Mill Valley Community Center, which is so nice. And I just found out they have drop in child care. I only saw the room when it was closed, so I'll have to check it out during operating hours, but that could be a great help for when my mom can't watch them. They have to be 3 months old, so we'll see how much of a spinning habit I develop in the next month before I need to investigate any further.

I am looking forward to my next new mom's meeting with the multiples club, and I also joined a "regular" mothers' group. Our playgroup is planning it's first meeting for next week. I assume I'll have plenty to learn from and share with singleton moms and it will be nice to focus just on their baby-ness, rather than their twin-ness. Also I had great advice from another twin mom who suggested never going on a playdate w/ another set of twins. Better to befriend the singleton moms because then they can help you! Selfish? Yes. Practical? You betcha!

Alright - it's time for the adults in this house to get to bed. I kind of dread it actually. I feel like they know right when I get into a deep sleep and that's when the wailing starts. Also I've got this weird thing where when I do wake up, I'm drenched in sweat. It's not that hot in our room, but no matter what, I and my side of the bed are soaked. So I've taken to sleeping on the futon after the 2 am feeding so I don't have to go back to my clammy bed. I'm assuming it's something hormonal. And I'm kind of hoping it won't happen tonight since the spinning class wrung so much sweat out of me that I can't imagine there's any left.

Wait! I knew there was something I needed to blog about. I'm a stay at home mom. Yup. Told my boss I'm not coming back. It just wouldn't have made sense financially. Mostly I'm so glad, but it is pretty weird to be cutting myself out of the working world (and more importantly the dollar-earning world). I know what I'm doing is worth loads of dough, but that doesn't mean that anyone is actually giving us that money, you know?

Ok, I've got lots more thoughts on that, but I'm too tired for any sort of coherence.

Happy Birthday Babies. I love you!

UPDATE: Clearly Sarah didn't like me dissin' her sleeping skills. Last night she gave me a nice solid six hours straight! Matthew wasn't fazed by the dissin', though.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Be my Richard Simmons

Well, as I said, I got the all clear to exercise. I could very well ignore it and just let this flabby bonus stomach make itself comfortable. OR, I could do a little bit day by day and hope that I'm back in regular pants soon.

(I did wear a pair of my regular jeans yesterday, but it was practically indecent.)

Anyway, I'd love to use this as a place to chronicle any and all exercise I do. I think the accountability is a good motivator. A while back I added a running ticker, but I'm not sure I have the time or fortitude to be that ambitious. For now I'll just post about whatever I do, and any subsequent weight loss. I ended up gaining nearly 80 pounds with these lil suckers and I'm about 15 lbs away from my starting weight (which was too much!) So, encouragement is very welcome! And that includes pointing out if you see that I haven't done anything in a while.

So, since I got the go ahead, I have:

Gone to the driving range
Played tennis
Taken a few vigorous walks
Gone swimming
Had sex!

I look forward to you people telling me to keep at it! Especially that last one...heh heh.

Monday, June 16, 2008

I wonder

how a man can hear the low buzz of a vibrating phone, but NOT the banshee-esque shrieking of his only daughter...

Monday, June 2, 2008


Why are they crying? Because they gave me mastitis. Lil punks.

I was definitely feeling some pain, but just thought it was a new and improved sort of breastfeeding woe and didn't give it much thought. Then yesterday W and I took the runts for a nice walk on our local bike path. It shouldn't have been any more taxing than any of the other walks I've taken lately, but when we got home I was JUNK. So freaking exhausted and never really came around all day. I had some chills, a headache...the works. Then I got to internetin' and discovered that I was a prime candidate for mastitis. The hot showers help, but I can barely find time for a shower these days, so I need to figure some other remedies out. Warm compresses are supposedly good, too, but I've never been able to figure out how to keep a compress warm. Am I an idiot?

I went to my doctor today and he gave me some antibiotics, so I'm hoping it will be gone soon. Although I hear that the antibiotics can cause thrush. I'm wondering if I make sure to get some acidopholus then I can avoid it? I totally made that up in my head, though. Anyone?

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Woo Hoo!

Had a follow up weight check today and both babies are over their birth weight! At 13 days old, no less!! Matthew is 5.9 (5.7 at birth) and Sarah is 5.13 (5.11). I am so relieved. We're going to back off the formula supplements for now. I will probably start pumping in the next couple of days to build up a nice supply for the occasional bottle. Our pedi suggested that if they start cluster feeding a bunch in the evening that I could skip a feed and DH can give them a bottle. I'd much rather it be breastmilk, so we'll probably head out to rent a pump tomorrow.

She also said that as far as milestones we can ignore their early arrival and they can now be treated as full term babies. The title says it all - woo to the hoo!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Family Update!

Oy vey. I was SO looking forward to today. My first Mother's Day as a MOM! But I certainly did not anticipate welcoming the day from the Emergency Room.

Yup. So last night we were both noticing that the sleep deprivation was beginning to take its toll on us. Then the little man's left eye began to swell up. It had been kicking out some gunk throughout the day, but didn't seem too scary. Once we saw the swelling, though I got scared. But at the same time, we were both so tired that we couldn't decide what to do. First we called the advice line for our pediatrician. They said we could call at 7:30 this morning to make an appointment w/ the after hours clinic. I just couldn't see how we would make it through the night worrying about his eye as it was puffing up more and more with each passing minute. He's just so tiny, it seemed like any small affliction could be major to him, you know?

On the other hand, the ER just seems like a scary pool of other people's germs. And being so tiny and underdeveloped, it seems like he'd be so susceptible to them. In the end, we had my mom stop over and she was all for us going to the ER. Part of her reasoning is that I have had a rash since the delivery that covers my ENTIRE FUCKING BODY. It itches like hell and is really vile to look at. She was worried (as was I) that somehow my rash had manifested itself in his eye. Even though I've been so vigilant about sanitizer and hand-washing, the possibility was still there.

Of course, not a single health professional who has looked at my rash has even raised an eyebrow. Apparently it's just a rash and I need to suck it up. I did get some steroids from my ob, but they're not exactly doing anything. Wah wah me right?

Anyway - back to Matty. The ER doc (SO not George Clooney - more of an extra dorky William H. Macy) said that he's got conjunctivitis. ugh. they lubed him up with some antibiotics and today the eye is 1000% better. maybe we overreacted a bit, but I'm not sure how we could have - he's a 9-day old 5 pound preemie!! Now we're just hoping that Sister Sarah doesn't end up with it, too.

So, aside from that, everything is going really well. I know we're still dealing with sleepy preemies, but they are so well-behaved! We had a couple tough nights in the hospital, with 2 hr crying fits and marathon feeding sessions, so I was a little worried we had two little monsters on our hands. But since we've been home they've been perfectly behaved! My only concern is weight gain. They aren't gaining as quickly as they should be - as of yesterday's pedi appointment Sarah is at 5lbs, 5.5oz and Matthew is 5lbs, 1oz. They've gained since leaving the hospital (she was 5.2 he was 4.15), but they'd each only gained 1/2 an ounce from the appointment the day before. We've been told to supplement a few feedings each day with some formula. I wish we didn't have to, but in a way it does take the pressure off of breastfeeding and it lets W get involved with feeding time. I love that one-on-one time, so it's only fair he gets it, too.

Breastfeeding is going ok. It's really fucking hard, but for the most part it's working! In the hospital I had a few days where I wasn't sure if it would be so "easy". At first Matthew wouldn't latch on. To get out of the NICU he had to take 10 cc's of formula. Then once in our room he wasn't so into the boob and he had to have two more bottles overnight. then the next day he was on again/off again , but now I think the spoon feeding I mentioned before is behind us. There was also the time I was feeding them together and the nipple pain was so bad that tears were streaming down my face. Since I've been home I haven't been tandem feeding as much. Not because of the pain, but because single-feeding them allows me to pay more attention to how they're eating so I can be sure they're not just hanging out, snoozing away. Tandem will be great once they're a bit older and can relatch on their own, though.

My c-section recovery feels like it's taking longer than it should. I know it was major surgery and all, but I'm dying to feel like myself again. Even though it came on so late in the game, the preeclampsia seems to have fucked me up but good. I got super swollen (amazingly even moreso!) while in the hospital, and had to be on magnesium for the 24 hrs after delivery. Then the edema cause a bit of a rash on my stomach. And then of course the full body rash, which is unrelated to the stomach one.

All this stuff I'm whining about is SO unimportant, though. When I just look at these two babies I am amazed at the love I feel for them. I feel like I've known them forever, like these two people were destined to be a part of my life. I love being able to say, "Oh, Matthew always does that head shake thing when he's latching on." or "Sarah just loves it when you rub her back." They're mine! I know them better than anyone (W and I do, that is.) It's just incredible. How lucky am I?

Of course on the flip side, the responsibility is so scary. When we were on our way to the ER I was so overwhelmed by it that I kept breaking down into tears. NOT exactly painting the picture of the confident Mommy! Luckily Matthew loves the car and was passed out, so he didn't notice my pathetic blubbering.

Ok, so enough talk - to the babies!

Sarah on the left, Matthew on the right.

Sarah curled up on W's chest at the pediatrician.

Matthew Raising the Roof!

We could really use some smaller car seats, no?

Matthew attempting to suck his thumb. He's getting better at it every day.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Form of.... BABIES!

Here they are! We're going to load a bunch more pictures onto our picasa page soon, but for now this is all ya get!

Girlfriend came out at 5lbs 11oz and 19 inches and Boyfriend is 5lbs 7oz and 18.5 inches. We're doing our best at bf'ing and both kids have latched on on their own a few times. Boyfriend will latch on for a while, but mostly he likes to eat from a spoon - a habit I'm hoping he'll kick very soon, but for now if he's getting his grub on, I'm all for it. He had to spend about 3 hrs in the NICU to make sure he was breathing ok, but he was out in no time. She went straight to the nursery and was nursing with me within an hour or so of her debut and has been doing really well every since. Every 3 hours is really often. In case you didn't know...

C-section went fine. I'm starting to feel it a bit more funky this afternoon, now that the morphine has worn off, but all things considered I feel pretty good.

Ok, that's probably enough typing for now. Thanks for all the great comments!! I'll try to post when I have the Picasa link.


Thursday, May 1, 2008


Today's nonstress test has provided me with a bit of stress in the form of pre eclampsia. It's a minor case but I'm far enough along that the Wonder Twins are activating today!

C-section will be around 3:30, aka 90 short minutes from now!!!!

Pictures to follow, probably tomorrow.


Friday, April 25, 2008

Is anyone still out there?

Wow - long time no post! Even though I'm not yet full term, there is a part of me that would love this post to have been delayed by some baby-havin'. Oh well - I guess it's all for the best that these lil punks are dead set on taking full advantage of their current lodgings. They fucking love it up in here! And now that I'm done with work they may never want to leave. This week has been very chill - all about playing Scrabulous, catching up on tivo, reading and generally relaxing. I have thrown in a small amount of "nesting," but that's really just me cleaning up the horrid mess that I've made in the babies' room. It's shocking, though, how quickly I get tired! Also at my most recent ob appointment, I noticed that the street we always park on is a bit downhill from the office. I guess I always thought it was flat, but yesterday by the time I got to the corner I felt like I'd summited Everest! Oh the huffing and puffing...

Speaking of my appointment, my c-section has been rescheduled from 5/9 to 5/15. In my previous post I said that "my" doc suggested 5/12, but it was in fact another doctor in the practice. Please pardon the fib; it just didn't seem that important at the time. Then it was the scheduling nurse who went with the 9th when the 12th and 14th were full. Once my actual OB got wind of it, he decided to move it back because he wants to wait until I'm a full 38 weeks. So the 15th at 5pm is what we've got now and I'll be 38w4d and SO FUCKING READY! I'm hoping for something to open up on the 12th or 14th, mostly because the time of day of the current one kinda sucks. W and I were just saying how hard it will be to fall asleep the night before what was then a 10 am c-section. We described the range of excitement as being akin to Christmas morning. Then it was Christmas morning times 2. Then it was "exponentially better" than Christmas morning and then all of a sudden it was 11 at night and we're trying to figure out what the Twin Factorial of Christmas morning would be. DORKS! But now all that's out the window and we get to spend an entire DAY sitting around waiting for the littles to arrive. Madness!

I've started weekly nonstress tests, which are actually quite nice. The staff is very cheery and I get to lie in a pretty comfy bed and listen to my babies heartbeats for peaceful 30 minutes, give or take. I had my first one last Friday afternoon, which happened to be my last day of work, and I was having contractions like crazy. None that felt too major, but they were quite frequent. At today's test, after a week of chilling in my new recliner, there was just one teeny one. I guess this resting stuff works! My blood pressure had gone up a bit last week., but now it's down to 120/70. Can't complain about that.

Life is uncomfortable, but I really don't have much to whine about. Here's my list of non-complaints. :)

  • I'm huge (63 pounds gained - it's all in my legs, I swear*)
  • I have to pee so often that it's BEYOND cliche
  • My little girl continues to burrow into my back at around 3 am every morning. OUCH.
  • My right hand is pretty useless. I can't squeeze or hold onto much of anything with it.
  • I'm starving all the time. Constantly.
  • Except when I'm so full I could burst. Violently.
  • I find it hard at times to sit up at all because the little man is exploring the upper regions of my ribs.
So, you see? Nothing earth shattering. But I'm definitely ready for the next part of this adventure. But first...I gotta pee.

*Seriously, my legs are full of fluid. When the girl burrows in, I find it helpful to hang out on my hands and knees for a bit. Well, lately I've noticed that there's this extra layer of cushioning on the front half of my shins. It's FLUID! EW!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

And the countdown begins

Well, I tried to schedule for 5/14 as planned, but it's booked. As is 5/12, which is what my doctor suggested (and is also the anniversary of when W proposed!). So now I'm scheduled for May 9th at 10am! Which is less than one frickin' month away!!!


In other news, I was at BRU yesterday returning some stuff we don't need for some stuff we do, and when I was at the register, the manager offered me a deal on some diapers that had been returned. They were out of the box, but still in the wrappers. 192 dipes for $15!! I don't know how much diapers cost, but I knew that was a steal! It was kind of weird, though. Buying baby stuff like boppies and blankets is one thing, but DIAPERS? Moms buy those.

Also, I wanted to change my countdown thing to reflect the c-section date, but for some reason I can't find link to edit my Blogger Template/Layout. Anyone??

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

33 week update

I suck at titles these days. Anyhoo - we had an ultrasound this morning and things are looking really good in there! Our girl is 4 lbs, 7 oz and the little man is 4 lbs, 4 oz. That's like real live baby-sized! Smallish, but still! They have been holding tight in the same positions for the past two months (she's breech and he's transverse) so I'm not holding out too much hope for a vaginal delivery, but you never know! I've been getting (and googling) advice on how to encourage her to turn, so hopefully something will work. Otherwise, we're looking at 5/14 for a scheduled c-section. I should probably make sure my doctor's going to be around then, but assuming he is, we like that date. I'll be 38.5 weeks at that point and probably ready to burst. My cervix measured 4.5cm today, so I feel as confident as I can (for a total pregnancy rube) that I should be able to hang on til week 39.

We finally got a wee glimpse of the little man's face. Here he is all squnched up, apparently sucking on his knee. Clearly he's more flexible than either of his parents! For those who find r0rschach tests easier to decipher than these ultrasound pics (like me), he is giving us a profile shot, with his head on the far right of the picture. You can see his eye socket, a (kind of gigantic) schnozz, and his puffy cheek, and then his leg is the curved thing w/ the knee right near his mouth. The tech also said she could see that he's got some hair. We couldn't make that out, though. I honestly think they just make shit up at these appointments. I know she's a trained technician and all that, but how does she identify these blobs so quickly?? Ok, here he is...MY BLOB:

Even though it's been uncomfortable at times (like most of the time) and I'm ready to move on to the next phase, pregnancy has provided W and I with some funny moments. For instance, this morning before our u/s, just parking the car made for a bit o'hilarity. There was a huge cement column between me and the next car and for a few moments I thought I might be trapped on the wrong side of things. I had to hold on and squish in my belly to squeeze between the car and the column. W was just laughing hysterically, as there was nothing he could do. There was no space in front of the car to get around either. I suppose I could have gotten in the back seat and slid across, but with my 50+ pounds gained (yeah, baby!) the scooting would have been no easy feat. I dissolved into such a fit of laughter, that of course I started snorting, which echoed throughout the garage. Classy.

One weird thing was that I had a little spotting after the cervix check. My ob nurse said that it's just because of the wand. It hasn't happened before, so it's definitely a little concerning, but it's tapering off, and I have an ob appointment tomorrow, so I'm trying not to worry about it. I know there's still that polyp there, so I will just assume that it got irritated.

I also have my mid-week day off tomorrow, which I'm very excited about. Last week's was so lovely. I just hung out all by my lonesome. That is the best, isn't it? I mean, not all the time, but on occasion just being alone is so great. I actually am a little worried about the fact that it will be a long, long time before I get a day all to myself. Of course, one might point out that I DID ask for this influx of permanent company and I totally agree! I'm so excited, but parenthood definitely does come with sacrifices and that's going to be a big one for me.

In other exciting work news, I think we found the temp who will replace me. I will feel lots better about that, and will be able to bow out gracefully at the end of next week. Actually, probably more like Monday, 4/21, because we have a big event that day and I don't want the poor temp to be overwhelmed. I do feel kind of bad perpetuating this myth that I'm coming back, but I don't have much choice since I'd like to take advantage of the short term disability and all that.

I had another enlightening observation to make, but alas, it has escaped me. I guess typing a bunch of boring shit tends to erase all the important thoughts from ones head. Damn.

Update: As I sit here on the couch needing to pee for the 47th time and dreadfully sad about how difficult it is to extract myself from this godforsaken piece of shit, I am cruising Jezebel and found this. For a mere $13??? I'm seriously considering it...

Monday, March 31, 2008

You give a guy an inch!

I told W that it was ok if he was grossed out by my cankles. He can't be appalled by my many chins, my fat thighs, or my generally increased girth, but the cankles are fair game. I mean, they really are aesthetically heinous and they're occasionally cartoonish in shape and size. So I had to laugh when today after work I revealed the beasts only to hear,

"Holy shit! Your cankles have cankles!"

Frankly he's right. They were extra-specially ugly today. All lumpy and stuff.

Other than that, things are still going pretty well. I can feel some serious growth, though. And I'm definitely getting more uncomfortable on a daily basis. I can't remember if I mentioned this already, but my doctor said my last day of work should be at 36 weeks, which is 4/25. He also said that he'd be surprised if I make it that far. On one hand I agree, because my clothes and shoes don't fit at all and getting comfortable at my desk is really hard, but then on the other hand what the hell would I do at home? I hate my couch right now, because whenever I'm home I'm on it. We did buy a rocker/recliner this weekend, but it won't come in until mid-April sometime. Maybe that will be the sign for me to quit work. When I have a big, fat lazyboy to sit in. Not that we got a lazy boy. It's from Macy's and not so big and fat. Super comfy, though.

I guess being home would afford me lots of time to clean the house. It's been sinking into a bit of a state lately. If I were home, I could tackle it room by room. I guess I'll just take it week by week for now. I did have a big plan of taking off a day each week to prolong my work life, but it hasn't worked out for the past 2 weeks, and in fact, I've been working long hours, including one 12-hour day from hell last Thursday. That was rough. I'm hoping to have tomorrow off. Cross your fingers!

I've reached the 32 week milestone, which I understand is a big one, but I can't find any info on exactly why. Anyone? So in between g00gle searches for the answer to that, I spend my time waiting for my belly button to pop. It gets a little closer every day, and when I laugh it pops in and out a little bit. (Video of this ridiculousness to follow). However, I'm pretty certain there's another part of me that's apparently (and quite unfortunately) going to be an "outie" long before my belly button is. Any guesses?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

No words

Please go support Busted. What is wrong with this world?

Sunday, March 23, 2008

31 Weeks.

When we moved to Mar1n County, there was definitely a big part of me that hated leaving the City, especially my beloved neighborhood, the Mission. So much good food, easy public transportation, the "cool factor" and did I mention the food? One thing I knew I wouldn't miss, however, is pigeons. Ick. Ever since I was attached by a flock of them at the SF Zoo as an 8 year old (they wanted my hot dog) I've had a healthy disdain for most birds and especially pigeons.

But now I'm sitting here on my lovely deck and what do I see? Well, here, see for yourself...


Right above my feet there. And sorry to subject you to those suckers again, but I just didn't feel like taking them off the comfy pillow just for the picture. There are actually 3 of the nasty things flying about and it's starting to make me think about heading down to the R0d & Gun Club to see about a bb gun. Of course I doubt that there's a R0d & Gun Club in Mar1n, and I've got shitty aim, so that's probably a bad idea. I'd probably hit one of the guys across the way having the bbq with the crappy music. Hmmm.....now I'm starting to rethink the idea...

Anyway, don't worry. I hate guns. And I'm lazy. So I'm not going anywhere. I just needed to vent about my annoyance at these obvious city dwellers invading my tranquil suburbia.

Oh jesus. Now my neighbor is out on her upstairs deck with her feral-looking shelter cat. It looks like it would like nothing better than to jump down onto me and claw my eyes out. I thought I was just going outside to blog and enjoy the view and now it's like Wild Fucking Kingdom out here!

Ok, so my little lady just kicked my cervix in sort of a "This blog is about us!" kind of way. Just a second, kiddo! Because first, I have to direct our kind readers to go see the Stickies. They have arrived!!! And they are insanely gorgeous. Congrats to the whole Sticky Family!

Alrighty then! To the Wonder Twins. I am 31 weeks today, which is so cool and so crazy. I can't believe it's already been over a month since I had the weird bout of contractions. I have barely felt any since then, and I've been feeling exceptionally good. SURE, my feet swell up toward the end of the day and SURE I fit in absolutely nothing but tent dresses and SURE I get violent attacks of reflux that leave me gagging and vomurping. But seriously, I am amazed at how good I feel. Just yesterday W and I took the dog up for a nice walk, probably about 2 miles, and then I came home and went swimming. We ran a few other errands, and then watched basketball. I even made dinner! I've been slacking in the cooking department lately, but since it was W's last night in town for a while, I thought he deserved it.

He's off to New York for the week for work. He'll get to hang out with my brother while he's there, so that's cool, but a week is a long time! I always kind of enjoy it when I get a night or two to myself, but a whole week? That's a lot. Aside from fetching me things, he's very helpful with calming my mini-freakouts. I have them from time to time about this whole parenting/twins business.

For instance, last week we had a breastfeeding class. Each couple got a doll to use so that we could practice positioning. The instructor gave me a 2nd doll and when I was trying to hold onto both of them it just wasn't working and I started to hyperventilate a bit. Just having W there to make me laugh a little bit helped diffuse the situation, but still! So scary. Of course it didn't help that the dolls were so disgusting that they reminded me of something an evil MIL would send as a shower gift. And the second doll she gave me had this most menacing Chuckie sort of look happening. He scared me. There were other women in the class clutching those dolls more tightly than if they were the babies themselves. Is it bad that I just set mine on the chair in front of me? They were seriously SO dirty that I was grossed out. I felt better when I saw that the couple next to us had laid theirs face down on the floor. I got the impression that the "clutchers" thought that their skills as a mother would be determined by how lovingly they held onto a dingy classroom prop.

So...not much else to report from here. The pigeons are still swirling.

Oh, here's my gut.

I had an ob appointment on Friday and I only measured 30 weeks, despite being closer to 31 and having measured 36 weeks at my previous appointment. I guess baby positioning and twins can really fuck with the measurement. I have felt them get way huger in the past week or so - their presence is just so much more obvious - so I'm not worried by the weird measurements, but I was freakishly hoping to be way over 40 weeks. I don't know why exactly. The doctor did say that my stomach looked "very big," however. I haven't had time to got to w.ebmd to look up that oh-so-technical term, but I'll just take it to mean things are as they should be...

Ok, really this time. Nothing else to say. Except that I don't want to go to work tomorrow... Kinda goes without saying, though, doesn't it?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Pretty, Pretty!

I wish I had a before, but all I've got is this after:

Yeah. That's my foot. YOWZA, right?

Last week it was my left foot that would get more swollen, now it's the right. I'm such an equal opportunity cankle-ist!

So, aside from hideous disfigurement, all's well in Wonder Twinville. My ob was very pleased with the lack of contractions (no meds needed since last week) and he said it wasn't even worth doing another ffn. Basically his argument was that even if it was positive they wouldn't do anything about it unless I started having more contractions again, so it could only serve to worry me. Since I worried even with the negative result, I figured I'd take his advice and skip the test this time 'round. I measured 36 weeks at the appt (I was 28w5d) and both babies hb's sounded great. After they brought in the giant cattle-weighing scale, I discovered I'm now up 42 mofo pounds. Holy crap. Although my right foot probably weighs a good 10 pounds all on its own.

Then we had an u/s on Monday. W wasn't able to be there, but my mom came - she was so excited. Neither baby would show their face, but she loved hearing the heartbeats, seeing all their parts and CONSTANTLY asking the tech, "Oh, now that's a cute little face, right?" To which the tech had to answer: "Um no, ma'am, that's his kidneys/femur/placenta" She wanted to see a face so badly! They checked my cervix and all that showed up on the screen was:

And there was much rejoicing. It's measuring over 4 cm. and is apparently suffering no ill effects from the repeated beatings its getting from my dainty little girl. She's moved around so she's sitting right on my cervix, with her head up in my right ribs. She weighs 2 lbs 15 oz and her brother has his head right next to hers, with his body kind of sideways off to my left. Hopefully she'll flip, because as Baby A, she's got to be head down for us to try a vag birth. My doctor is totally open to repositioning the lil man once she's out, especially since he's a bit smaller than her, at 2 lbs 12 oz. I was really happy to hear that.

My stepsisters gave me a shower on Sunday and it was so lovely. One of them lives in Stinson Beach and we had THE most incredible day. Here's a picture that gives you the feel of the afternoon.

And now, here's a picture that gives you the feel of my MIL's gift. Also incredible, but in a different way.

So if you're sitting there saying, NO, that couldn't possibly be a stained, homemade Cabbage P.atch doll, I'm sorry, but you're wrong! And if you're thinking, well, it was probably the only stained/used/otherwise vile stuffed animal or burp rag in the box, well - wrong again.

She really and truly sent her grandchildren-to-be a box of stained, nasty, smelly old stuffed animals and burp rags, NONE of which W remembers as being his as a child. That might have excused some part of this unfathomable idea. He thinks one belonged to his sister, but the rest are totally unfamiliar. And did I mention GROSS? They smell bad, they look bad and they are going in the dumpster. I have no clue what to write in a thank you note. She didn't include a note in her package, so I'm going to comb Google to see if that exempts me from my thank you note duties. What do I say? "Thanks for the rubbish"? "Glad I could help with your mold abatement program"?

So odd. I felt so bad for W, because she just HAD to send it to the shower where everyone else brought these beautifully wrapped new and pleasantly non-smelly gifts for the babies. Why expose everyone else to her madness. If she really thinks that it's nice to pass on these relics, then why not just send them to our house? The box, by the way was a good 2' x 2', so there are like 25+ sad little stuffed animals that are destined for the dump. Poor things. I'm sure they made some kid happy one day.

JESUS! I thought I was just going to post the cankle and a speedy quip about its nastiness! Guess I had a bit to say!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

I Thought I Was Done with the 2WW

My first 2ww in a long time is just about over. The post-ffn two week window will be closing tomorrow. Luckily I've got an OB appointment in the morning and I assume he'll do another ffn test, which will of course be negative once again and I'll get another 2 weeks of supposed relief. We also have an ultrasound on Monday. I invited my mom to come along and she is SO excited.

Despite the fact that my doctor and all the nurses swear by the reliability of the ffn, it really didn't stop me from worrying. I mean, why believe years and years of scientific research when you can just look inside yourself and freak the fuck out? Despite the mental anguish, I've been doing pretty well as far as contractions go. I do get more as the work days and weeks go on. Yesterday afternoon I was having them pretty much every time I stood up. Probably not the best sign. But I took the speed... uh, terb... and then spent the evening prone on the couch and was ok for the rest of the night. Holy reality marathon - American Id0l, Su.pernanny and then Project Run.way!

Best moment of AI, by the way? During one of the performances me thinking to myself, "Who is this girl?" and then Simon telling her that her biggest problem is her "massive lack of personality." YEEEOUCH! True though. Seriously.

I'm very interested to see what my doctor has to say tomorrow about me continuing to work. Even two weeks ago he was kind of frowny on the whole idea. I think I could be VERY easily convinced to give it up. Probably too easily, but honestly, why do this when I could be at home protecting the Wonder Twins. They're not expected to be at the Hall of Justice for nearly 3 more months, so whatever I can do to help them arrive on time, and not too early is a good thing. Nobody likes an overeager superhero anyway. I'm very lucky in that I would receive short term disability at 70% of my salary. Given the price of lunch in SF, it would be practically even! So we'll see how things go tomorrow. I've been trying to limit my work activity, but it's much harder than I imagined.

Each of the past two weeks I've been almost entirely contraction-free from Sunday to Wednesday, and then on both Wednesday afternoons I have started to get them. Yesterday's flurry was probably not so good. We'll see what today brings. I'm taking a PTO day tomorrow after my appointment. It should be restful, but for some reason I offered to have my mom, stepdad, and aunt and uncle over for dinner tomorrow night and my mom agreed! The aunt and uncle are visiting from New York, so it will be great to see them, but I'm not sure why this couldn't happen at a restaurant. Stupid! Stupid!! Stupid!!!

Ok - a couple other random things.

We finished their room last weekend. All I'm waiting for is the matching crib skirt to be shipped from Tar.get and I might try to make a little throw rug with this bit of extra faux fur I've got. We'll see if I get to that. But for now, we're done! (Bragging alert - I made the curtains. They are so freakin' cute. Yellow fleece with green polka dot ribbon tabs. The fleece is so soft and babyish! I heart them a lot. I only just learned how to sew, but I really like it.)

YES...those decals are the very same ones that Watson used. It's just a coincidence, I swear!! What you can't see is the changing table. It happened to be covered in debris from the decal application. I should go clean that up, huh?

As you may know, my boss and his wife are having twins as well - two boys for them. Firstly, she cried on the exam table when the ultrasound tech told them it was two boys. So sad. Apparently she's almost over it. She might want to hurry up that getting over it business because she's only a week behind me. Anyhoo... he'd shared some names with me. While not my particular taste, they were perfectly fine names. But then we went to lunch the other day and he said they were considering Trey and Troy. We had JUST the other day been laughing over a co-workers friend who is naming her twins Derrick and Erik. Fine names on their own, but...WHAT?????? So, I thought for sure he was fooling me with Trey and Troy. Little life lesson here. (One which I already knew, but clearly need refreshing on.) When people tell you the names they've chosen for their children you nod and smile. That's it. Do not say, "Ha! Yeah, right!" Because they might not be joking. So I tried (pathetically) to cover for myself by saying, "Well at least it's not as bad as Erik and Derrick." And he asks why. I respond that they're marginally better because they don't rhyme. He counters that they do in fact rhyme. Trey and Troy. He even said it several times to demonstrate their rhymingitude. So I tried to explain the difference between alliteration and rhyming. Sadly, it was lost on him. LUCKILY he mentioned the names to another co-worker and she outright told him they suck together. One of them is fine, but together? Ew. I think he's starting to get it. He might still think they rhyme, though.

Ok, one final note. I have a cousin who's about 10 years older than I am. His wife doesn't get along with his parents that well, so they tend to stay in LA for the most part, so I haven't really seen him much since I was in high school. He was at my wedding, but do you really talk to people at your wedding? It was such a blur. So, anyway, after several IVF cycles, they finally had a baby in November with a surrogate. I'd been remiss in my Congrats to him, so I just sent him an email saying how cute all the pics I've seen are and yay you guys and all that. He wrote back and I had to share what he said about parenthood because it's awesome:

"Parenthood is more amazing than I imagined. People talk about the work and responsibility of having a child and that's what always stuck with me...but it's this incredibly indulgent pleasure. I feel like I get way more out of it than I could possibly give. It's like waking up to a miracle every day."

Monday, February 25, 2008

Quick Update

Everything's been pretty quiet. On Saturday we ended up going to visit some friends and their 1-week old baby. I just laid on their couch, so it was pretty much just like being at home. All was well there until about 6:00 while we were playing Super Scrab.ble. (Love it!) Because I was sitting upright, gravity caused more of the clunking on my cervix, and soon enough I had a mad bout of contractions. They were coming fast and furious and were damn scary. I popped some terb and we hightailed it home. It took a while, but eventually they stopped. I called L&D anyway, and the nurse was so reassuring. She said that passing the f.fn was huge, and that I will be contracting a lot and should get used to it, and she ok'd me to take some terb before bed, even though my doc told me to take it with contractions. She also said NOT to take it if my pulse was over 110, which NO ONE else had told me, so that was certainly good information!

Since then, I've been ok. I did absolutely nothing yesterday except drink water and pee. We decided to skip our Newborn Care class just to be on the safe side. I'm at work today and so far things have been fine. No contractions (that I can feel, anyway). I was worried that sitting up at my desk would bring on more of the cervix stomping, but it's been very mild so far.

So, for now, a sigh of relief. I was convinced that I would show up to work and start contracting like crazy and then be doomed to my bed for the next 10 weeks. I know I could do it, and would do it for the sake of the W0nder Twins, but I'm sure it it goes without saying that I REALLY don't want to.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Some excitement I didn't need

Yesterday on my way to work I felt what seemed like the little lady trying to escape. Or at least she was trying to thump me some kind of message. It felt weird. Not painful, just weird. I swear when I went to the bathroom I though she and I might have a little tug-o-war with the tp. I had meetings all morning, but at around noon I called my OB. I continued to feel the escape antics, but didn't really feel anything else throughout the day. I got a call back at 5:10. (Just long enough for me to well and truly freak out, of course.)

He said the feeling was pretty normal and was probably due to fetal position. But he added that if I felt any contractions, peed more often or noted any discharge overnight that I should come in today for a check up. I could only feel the contractions if I had my hand on my stomach, but they did seem to be happening. I also went to the bathroom a lot more than normal overnight, but I think a lot of that had to do with my general nerves. I couldn't fall into a good sleep, so every time I woke up I figured, why not pee?

ANYway...this morning I went in to my OB at 11. He did a fetal fibr0nectin test, manually checked my cervix (closed, but slightly soft) and then sent me down to L&D for some monitoring. I ended up being there for about 4 hours. I had quite a few contractions while on the monitor, but when my lovely nurse gave me a shot of hellfire...uh, I mean terbutaline, they stopped pretty immediately. Seriously, though, I never feel it when nurses say a shot is going to burn or sting, but this one? Felt like she administered it with a flamethrower! Incredibly quick and encouraging results, though, and the burning stopped pretty soon.

Thank god I had a book with me. I might have died of boredom otherwise. I also had a chance to sample the hospital fare and I have to give my Tuscan Chicken sammie an enthusiastic thumbs up! Of course I would have enjoyed gnawing on a piece of cardboard by the time they brought it to me.

Finally the nurse let me know that the fFN was negative, which is great news. She also gave me a presciption for more hellfire, but I assume that taking it in pill form doesn't result in the same burning. I hope so anyway! I'm to take it if I feel more than 6 contractions in an hour. The nurse said she'd take one if she felt 3 in 30 minutes. I like her assertiveness! If they don't go away over the weekend then my doc wants to take me out of work for the duration. He asked me to take it easy this weekend, but said I could go to our Newborn Care class on Sunday. I've loaded myself up with trashy magazines, so I'm ready to couch surf for the rest of the time.

I had a little talk with the babes last night explaining that it's just not time for them yet and urging them to hang on for a few more weeks anyway. I hope the teary breakdown I had while I was talking to them sufficiently demonstrated my lack of readiness and discouraged them from any further escape attempts.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Boundaries? What boundaries?

While I get the general excitement that people seem to feel about OPP's (Other People's Pregnancies) I will just never understand why or how it leads them to become so incredibly inappropriate. Two examples from the last hour here at work:

1. I'm standing at my boss' desk. One of his peers, who is generally pretty funny but not particularly appropriate, comes up and says, "Hey (E's Boss), if you stand next to her (me), you don't see those extra pounds at all."

Ohhh...I get it. I'm pregnant, so I'm fat! Har dee fuckin' har. Shut it, chump. He tried to make up for it saying, "But I was trying to say that (your boss) is fat!" I guess he didn't realize that he implied that if my boss is fat, I'm Orca.


2. I'm at my desk, surrounded by the two players from above, plus the Operations Manager for the entire West Region. We're talking babies (remember my boss' wife is having twins as well) and comparing weights and progress, etc. and my boss decides to ask me - in this group setting - "How's your cervix?"

Well, hopefully it's not shy! Jesus! It's good that at this point all of my reproductive organs have become mere tools to me. I actually keep them out in the garage in my handy Craftsman Cooter Container.

I know this dilemma will never be solved. People will rub bellies uninvited, ask about, point out, or greatly exaggerate weight gain, and turn genitals into everyday conversation fodder, as long as the subject is a pregnant lady. If only somewhere, sometime the "miracle of birth" will be accompanied by the "miracle of decorum." I'm not counting on it, though.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Holy Cheek

Great scan this morning. Man, I love these kids! The boy weighs 1 pound, 10 ounces and the girl is already hating her skinny brother - she’s a portly 1 lb, 12 oz. They're All Stars!

So, the little man was apparently having a bad hair day or something because he wasn’t into having his picture taken. Or maybe he’s waiting for the big “reveal” in May. Here’s a picture of him from the back.


The little lady was shy at first, too, but eventually she rolled over and gave us these two shots. Can ya stand it? She looks pretty peaceful for a Kung Fu master, no? But believe me, they both can kick and punch like nobody’s business.

girl.jpg look-at-her-cheek.jpg

I swear I've spent 95% of my workday looking at the picture on the right. Her cheek! I need to pinch it.

And here’s a great one of the two of them practicing their secret language.


Adorableness aside, the pregnancy continues to look really good! I’ve been so lucky. All the fluid levels are on track and my cervix measured at 4 cm so I don’t have to go back for another four weeks.

There is great debate at my work about whether or not I look big. According to people who’ve never had kids, like for instance the IT guy, I’m HUGE, but if you ask a mom they tend to say I’m not at all. I think I believe those with experience. Of course, I’d probably just believe whichever group thought I was smallest, right?

Quick question. Is this really happening to me? Do I really have two seemingly perfect babies? It is so insane. The invitation to the shower my SIL is having for me came last night and it made mention of my "son and daughter." Those are big words. "Baby" seems doable. Even "Babies" seems alright. Son and Daughter? Those throw me for a loop.