Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....

It is serious sigh of relief time. I just got off the horn with Genevieve the Genetics Counselor with Genzyme (and I thought I had a thing with alliteration - she's three letters deep!). Good news - the WT's have the same chance of having DS as if I'd gotten knocked up at age 20! (That would have made them a whole different kind of WT - heh.) Anyhoo, there's a less than 1 in 10,000 chance of the other trisonomies, so W and I are both feeling good about moving past this genetics business, and skipping the amnio. PHEW!

Plus, I have to just say, my hair looks and feels fucking fantastic. The color is exactly my natural color (if it was pretty) with some golden highlights, and it's a pretty blunt bob to about 2 inches below my ears, which means she cut a good 5-6 inches off. We'll see how it stands up to my usual styling method: gently massage head with towel and...yeah, that's it. I'll see if I can get a good enough picture to post. I mean the hair looks good, but I can't do much with the rest.

And my 3rd ahhhh moment for today is the date. November 30. 30th November. Last day of November. No more days in November for this year. December is tomorrow. And I will not post. NaBloPoMo is a nice idea and all, but I liked when blogging was fun, or at least therapeutic. This made it sort of a chore. And probably not too inspiring to the reader. I'm no Alexa. She was made for this sort of thing. Me? Not so much. From now on I'll try to just post when I've got something to say.

And let's give an ahhh-out to plain ole Friday. After last week's luxurious two-day workweek, pulling this whole 5-day shit was rough! But it's nearly over now. And I'm going to meet my friend who's in town for just the weekend at our other friends restaurant, which hopefully means free food! Yay for potentially free food! Then we've got a meat-themed surprise birthday party for another friend tomorrow, and at some point I think I'll try to fit in some packing. W is going away for business all next week, which I assume is his way of getting out of packing. Luckily I've got some wine and can bribe my mom with it to help me out.

Happy Weekend!

Thursday Thrills

See, the alliteration, it won't stop! But really, there are lots of thrills today.

Best News: If you haven't heard, THEY'RE HERE!!! And so freaking cute! I will post the picture as soon as I get the ok. ApronStrings will probably get the ok before me, so check there, too. Everyone is happy and healthy. Such good news.

3rd Best News - going out of order here: In other good, but far less momentous news, the worries from yesterday have subsided. No more spotting, no more pain. Apparently blogging really IS healing!

And I totally agree with everyone about not poking the beast that is my polyp. I think I'm just frustrated because when W heard the doctor say that having sex could irritate it, he took that to mean we should live like we never heard of Intercouse, PA. It's cute and sweet, but then again, not so much. I may have to force the issue which will probably incur more spotting, which will then send me running to the keyboard for, dare I suggest a Friday Freakout? And then you'll all tell me to stop being such a horny bastard and leave the poor man be. Right? Prob'ly.

2nd Best News: I'm leaving my office in 15 short minutes to FINALLY get my hair cut and colored. It is nasty, nasty, nasty. Way too long, with a big swath of dishwater colored blahness running down the middle. Blech. Maybe if my hair looks really good the problem above will resolve itself!

Wednesday Worries

First of I all I worry about my constant use of alliteration. But...I'm missing the point (procrastinating pontificating the point?) here.

So last night when I got home from work and went to the loo, there was a bit of blood. And then in subsequent trips, brownness. After one or two more trips, there was nothing, but again this morning there is a light, light brown substance. I know brown is ok, but it's still freaky. I'm hoping it was just the polyp on my cervix. I'd really like that to be gone the next time I go to the doc.

And making it more worrisome are these two different pains I'm having. One is in my abdomen, at a spot right between my belly button and my...self and it feels just like when you touch a bruise, except I don't need to touch it to feel it. It just kind of twinges on and off occasionally and whenever I sit down. If I had to guess, I've probably felt it 10-15 different times this morning. It's gone as quickly as it comes, but it's weird. It's definitely not a crampy feeling; bruise-like is the best way I can describe it.

Then the other pain is even stranger. Whenever I stand or sit I feel it in the ole vagine, like the bits are tender and so sensitive that standing and sitting are (mildly) painful. This could be the excess blood in my system, but again, it's weirding me out.

Anyone feel anything twinges like these? Also, for those who've had a polyp removed from their cervix, what was the process? I had one in my uterus, and had a hysteroscopy, but I'm thinking (hoping) that being closer to the exit, this one could be slightly easier to get rid of? My ob wants to leave it, but it's kind of stressing me out. If the procedure is minor, I'm considering getting rid of it.

Thank You!

Wow - thanks so much for the great comments. Are you all trying to get with me too? Seriously, though, thanks. I feel so lucky to have found you! I'm still nervous, and I know that will never go away, but at least I know I'm not alone.

I've got a couple random notes for tonight.

1) How can I get Bob from the Biggest Loser to come be my trainer after the WT's arrive? I do have the dvd, and it's great, but I think having him there in the room with me would really help. Any ideas on how to make that happen?

1a) Could the weigh-in elimination portion of the Biggest Loser last ANY longer? Sweet mother!

2) Think good thoughts for Watson! She's scheduled for a c-section on Wednesday and Parker and Jackson will finally be here!

3) My lame ass bladder is not a fan of NaBloPoMo. Actually it's simply not a fan of anything that involves being away from the bathroom for more than 10 minutes.

3a) Gotta pee!

Scared

Is there some point at which the idea of becoming someone's mother is more than just a reason to freak out? I don't mean that it has to be right now, but I just wonder if it ever becomes real. Because at this moment it seems so incredibly far from it. And even if I did believe that it would happen, then what? What do I know about any of this?

Often when we're schmooping it up to each other and generally marveling over the twins, W will tell me that I'll be the best mom ever. I truly wonder why he thinks that. Maybe he's just saying it to get some? I mean, I'll love them like crazy, and I can cook, but I'm pretty sure there's more to it than that. And even the initial part I think I could handle. Diapers, sleep schedules, breastfeeding... but what about when they can talk? Or worse, understand!

That's where it gets really frightening.

I can read about how to be healthy during pregnancy, or how to pick out the safest car seat, but I don't think there are any books or magazines to help me figure out how to be someone's mom.

Back to Life...Back to Reality...

Even though we were gone for less than 4 days, and were fewer than 25 miles from home it is SO freakin' good to be home! Bella seems super happy and not at all miffed that we went to the beach for the weekend without her. Of course we wouldn't have chosen to do so, but my stepsister who found the house we rented forgot to check if they allow dogs.

Aside from the fact that we were pooch-free, the holiday weekend could not have been more perfect. Of course Wednesday was fabulous. My brother had arrived the night before and Wednesday morning we went out to a tasty breakfast. Once we got home I put him to work making the chili for dinner and W and I went to Part 1 of our two-part genetics counseling/NT scan appointment. The counseling part was a complete waste. It would have been valuable had we not ever seen a) the internet or b) any book on pregnancy. After about 15 minutes even the counselor was like, "Well, ok, you guys have this stuff down. Any other questions?" Since there were none, we went home to pack up the car and then on our way out of town we went to the NT scan portion.

It was my first non-dildocam ultrasound, so I finally felt like a real pregnant lady! The tech was totally into the twin thing, so we got to stare at them for a nice long time. I felt a little bad, since my brother was just sitting in the car waiting for us, but I sure as hell wasn't going to stop her. She took the NT measurements and I thought I could read that they were fine. Both babies were doing their thang and it was amazing. I can't even begin to explain how cool it was to see them like that. I wondered later if both the tech and doctor thought I was kind of nonplussed about the whole thing because I barely spoke. I just watched. You could tell that Snoozy is fucking LOVING LIFE in the top bunk. He's* got all the room, and is just kicking back and relaxing. I think I even saw a tiny ottoman for his tiny legs. At one point he gave us a little fist pump as if to say, "Hey 'Rents! It's all good in here!" As for poor G-Lo? There is a distinct cause of her* squirminess. Being on the bottom bunk, she's totally cramped. She seems to have a hard time finding a comfortable spot, but in her efforts to do so she got in a few good thumps to the top bunk, so at least she's making a stand.

Snoozy:










G-Lo









Once she was done, the tech said she was going to get the doctor to confirm some measurements. Of course at that point I started to wig out, worried that something was wrong. If only she'd said from the beginning that there would be two sets of measurements. We waited nearly 30 minutes which did not help my stress level. I was sure that the doctor had to be so baffled my our kids' rare medical condition that he was either consulting his library to find a treatment, or trying to find a way to give us the bad news.

Finally I sent W out to see if they were coming back for us. Not only was I nervous, I was starving, had to pee like a mofo and was supposed to pick up my mom very shortly. The doctor was on his way in as W went looking for him, so luckily we were "quickly" underway. Both babies made it really hard to get a good look at the neck area in need of measuring, so the doctor part of the scan took even longer than the first half. His technique of violently pulsing the wand into my abdomen had absolutely zero effect on the twins' placement, but very nearly caused me to piss my pants a couple of times. Pretty sweet. Eventually he got the measurement and confirmed what I'd seen on the tech's scan 1.3 and 1.6 and I could resume breathing. Luckily the relief didn't relax me so much that I actually peed my pants, but man, it was close. Now we just wait for the bloodwork. I guess they'll be calling mid-week. I go back for another u/s on 12/19 and can't wait to see how big the kiddies are by then. I wonder if they'll have made a masking tape line to mark out their respective territories like good siblings sharing cramped quarters should.

SO...that's a really long way of saying the weekend started out nicely. From there we drove to Tiburon to pick my mom up and headed out to Stinson. The house my stepsis(in-law, technically) found for us was so cute. We made a fire, and played Scrabble while the chili warmed up. My stepdad arrived a little later and then after dinner, he, my mom and my bro walked to the local bar while Will and I hung out by the fire.

Thanksgiving morning we woke up to crystal clear sun and went for a nice, long walk on the beach. In fact it was a little too long, because I had to practically sprint back for fear once again of soiling myself. Back at the house I got my brother and W to work assembling our appetizer - chipotle-lime marinated shrimp wrapped in bacon, which we grilled once we got to my stepbrother's house. So good! The rest of the meal was also pretty damn nice. There were about 40 of us and the food was amazing. Of course, as I phone-blogged, it was kind of rough not enjoying the tasty cocktails that were flowing, but I made myself a faux-garita and then had half a glass of pinot noir with dinner. The first couple sips were exactly what I'd hoped they'd be, but toward the end I had to give it to W because it just didn't feel worth it. After dinner we hung out by their newly built, giant outdoor fireplace and shot the shit with friends and fam.

On Feel Good Friday morning we took another beach walk and then I made rice krispie treats to bring to the beer pong party. Beer pong was out of control - mostly hilarious, and very drunken for those who could imbibe. A friend of my stepbro designated himself as shotboy and W had at least 4 shots of tequila. Everyone else had to be closer to 10. I have no idea how they do it! The shots had no effect on W's pong prowess, however and he became simultaneously the most desired partner and most targeted ringer. I was just hanging by the outdoor fire, enjoying my Becks N.A. and also loved watching shotboy (who was kind of a dick) get harassed by his pals for drinking one accidentally and not noticing that it was NA.

Yesterday after a little hike with my mom, we sent her and her husband on their way and W and I finally had the chance to hang out at the house alone. I promptly fell asleep. There was the most comfy window seat at our house and I couldn't help myself! I needed it, too because Saturday night is the annual Stinson Beach Fireman's Ball and my stepbro and their friends make quite the night of it. They have an annual cocktail party before the ball where everyone picks through several racks of costumes. The Ball itself is NOT a costume party, but don't tell them that! This is our second year going and it is a freaking blast. Last year I wore my slutty St. Pauli Girl dress, but this year I went for a hot pink mu-mu. W was resplendent in a red sequined one-piece Elvis/Superhero suit with a V down to THERE. He was so hot. I'll post pictures as soon as my brother sends them to me. As the sole sober person I drove a minivan full of 11 drunken, polyestered nutjobs to the dance. I'm sure we looked like a clown car. The music was great and I totally wanted to dance, but I felt like I should keep it sort of mellow.

Overall, such a great weekend. Back to work tomorrow and it's time to start packing! We move into our new place on 12/15! Woo hoo!

*I still have no confirmation of their gender. I'm just going by feel here.

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First day W and i have been alone (even for 10 minutes) since Weds. Ahhhhh... Naps, fire, football. Back to real life AND BELLA tomorrow. Cannot wait to see her!

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I heart Becks NA.

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Wow.
I did NOT expect thd alcohol to be such a temptation, but presented like this? It's a teeny bit torturous! Maaaybe just a wee glass of wine...

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NT scan went great. Heard hb's for the first time - so amazing! NT mearured 1.3 and 1.6 and babies were both doing the happy dance. Got lots of pics on cd and can't wait to get to a computer to see them!

Countdown

I am a mere 58 minutes from a 5-day weekend and I cannot wait! Granted, Day 1 of this bacchanalia will include our NT scan, but once that's over and the perfect results are achieved, it's time to relax! Not that I'd be doing anything but if I was staying home, but somehow it's different when you're staying somewhere else. My mom, stepdad, brother and W are staying in a rented house in Stinson Beach, just down the hill from my stepbrother's house where the Thanksgiving festivities will go down. I'm making dinner for tomorrow night - just some crock pot chili and corn bread to go alongside. We also have to find a way to watch the Syracuse basketball game, which may be tough since there's no tv at our rented house. I also have to make an appetizer for Thursday, which will probably be chipotle-lime, bacon wrapped shrimp, done on the bbq. They're a teeny bit labor intensive, but it's a short ingredient list, which makes me happy - I fucking HATE the grocery store. Then, turkey. Ahhh...Thanksgiving is far and away my favorite meal. I can't wait!

Friday is the 2nd Annual Feel Good Friday. Last year, my stepbrother decided that the Friday after Thanksgiving is actually the best day of the year and I think he might just be right. All your familial obligations are over, you don't have to go to work for a couple more days, and there's nothing to do but FEEL GOOD! Last year we started an "annual" beer pong tourney and I'm looking forward to it again, especially because of the new rule stating that my partner has to drink any beer penalties I incur. Is it mean to choose my mom? She can handle it, believe me. We just eat pizza on FGF, and I was thinking of making some peanut butter rice krispie treats decorated with autumnal reeses pieces, mostly because that sounds so good to me! The rest of the weekend is kind of an open slate, so we'll see what's in store.

My brother arrived from NYC a few hours ago, which to me means that the holiday has started. He and W are off on a walk w/ Bella and I can't wait to get home and meet up with them.

The babies seem huge today. I had gone to M1Mi Maternity over the weekend with the $100 gift certificate that my mom gave me and went a little bit to town. Like to $500 town. Oops. W picked out the most fab pair of capri-camo-maternity pants, so of course those were included in my haul. I cleaned my closet out of the pants and shirts that no longer fit me and MAN, does it look sparse in there! I guess I need to do some more shopping. Especially since today, the WT's seem to have really popped out. Maybe they want to be part of the Thanksgiving festivities, too? As long as they behave themselves tomorrow at our appointment, they can do whatever they want.

Along with the NT scan, we're also having a 45 minute genetic counseling session. I guess they will go through all the possibilities, which for the most part I know, but I think it will be good for both of us to be completely informed before making any further decisions. I tend to think that we wouldn't do an amnio, but who knows what tomorrow's results will have to say about that. I'm trying not to think about anything except seeing the WT's in hi-def. I hope G-Lo's been working on his dance routine and maybe Snoozy will even wake up to say hello.

Wish me luck, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Why is this so hard to remember?

Can someone please explain why it's so hard to remember that cleaning is NOT that hard? All weekend I put it off thinking I just didn't have it in me, but because my brother's coming tomorrow and we're leaving our apartment for a friend to house/dogsit for the holiday weekend, I felt like we had to do something. In about 20 minutes W and I made the place look great! Honestly, how stupid that I let it loom over me all weekend.

On another note, is anyone else as tired as I am of Nicole Richie's baby shower? Enough already! I did note that Mischa Barton (why is she famous?) got Nicole a super fancy double stroller as a joke because Nicole is just SO huge that she must be having two. Har dee har har. Think maybe I could ask Nicole to send it my way? Speaking of showers, though, my best friend has offered to throw me one on the East Coast. When I lived there a group of women would have pretty frequent "girls' nights" and I can't wait to see everyone. Besides, who doesn't want to go to Boston in January?

My bloglines is all messed up - saying it can't connect to most of my feeds, so I hope all's well in the world!

I'm psyched that I finally figured out the phone blogging. We're heading to Stinson Beach for Thanksgiving weekend and I doubt we'll bring the laptop and I've got to keep up with NaBloPoMo somehow.

Ok, final random thought for the day... I emailed our almostRealtor to let her know we've decided to rent for a year or so and will get back to her then. When we had toured houses with her, I told her the reason (or two reasons, I guess) for our move. So today when she replied to my email, can you guess what she told me?

Yup, she's pregnant with twins. Total surprise to her (beotch!), but still. Madness!

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And now I sent a picture! Even Bella gets to enjoy football day on the couch.

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If you can read this, I managed to blog from my phone!

Marin? Really?

I believe we have solved the housing crisis, at least for now. We've decided to rent a townhouse in Marin. I think we're more shocked than anyone about this development. Even though we'd accepted the idea of renting for another year, I really never expected to rent in the burbs. But this place does have quite a few plusses. The complex is right on the water, near a bike path, accepts dogs and has both and indoor and outdoor pool. I'm an absolute sucker for a pool, so offering all-season swimming was playing a little dirty on their part. The townhouse itself is pretty apartment-y, which is to say, BLAH. But I think once we get our stuff in there, along with a couple bright cheery babies, it will be perfectly fine. There are a couple nice decks and a wood burning fireplace and at least twice as much square footage as we could have hoped to get for the money in SF. There are lots of kids around (or at least a lot of people who have car seats in their cars) and I can walk to a grocery store and a cafe. AND...the best part is that it's just 3 miles from my mom, most of which can be done on a bike path. She is so amped up to be Granny of the Year that she'd probably have moved in with us if we'd been any further away. (I'm sure I'll come to the point where I'll be begging her to sleep over, but for now, let's just be glad her own home is nice and close.)

We still have to go put down a deposit, because neither of us brought checks with us today, so assuming no one stole the place from us since noon today, we'll take over around mid-December, wahoo! I haven't lived in an apartment complex since college, so this will definitely take some getting used to, but come March or April when I may easily be mistaken for a sumo wrestler, I bet that indoor pool is going to be mighty nice.

On another note entirely, I have become obsessed with trying to feel G-Lo move. Or Snoozy...either one! But after seeing that Psychobilly Freakout at the doctor on Wednesday, I keep thinking that if I press hard enough I've GOT to feel something. I mean, there are 2 1/2-inch long human beings inside me, at least one of which is dancing like crazy. How can I not feel it?!?

I have to say, they've gotten so much more real to me since that appointment. Even Snoozy, just seeing him sleeping there so perfectly has totally defined his personality to me. In fact, I've gone so far as to "decide" that Snoozy is a boy and is just like W. Exhibit A: W has been passed out on the couch next to me since 8pm. And I think G-Lo is a girl and is more like me, the poor thing, a hyperactive freakazoid.

Speaking of which, I tend to get restless leg syndrome, which I call "jumpy leg." I used to just get it before going to bed, usually on the couch, but certainly not every night. Now for the last couple nights I've been getting it in bed and it is SO frustrating. My mom gets it and it has kept her up for years now (along with her overactive worrywart brain, which mine will surely morph into). I had read on Watson's blog a while back that putting a bar of soap in the sheets with you can help. I tried it last night, but the fact that the soap was booted out to the floor kind of tells the tale on how that went. I'll try it again tonight, but I must say it's very odd to have a bar of soap in your bed. Any other home remedies out there?

But back to my two kids. Kids! It is crazy to me to talk about them like that. I get so caught up in trying to get pregnant, then getting pregnant, then the idea of twins, that I have to keep reminding myself that the end result is going to be us with two kids! It's fucking fantastic, but so hard to really and truly grasp. I have no hope that I will ever really grasp it until I'm actually changing a diaper or covered in spit-up, and maybe not even then, but I think the continued ultrasounds will help. My ob said that we'll probably have one at least once a month, so we'll have a bunch of chances to "get to know" them more and more. I cannot wait to get to know them for real. But will that even help? I see other people with babies and even some with twins, and they seem pretty together. I'm sure they all have their moments, but is my life going to be one big "moment"? I am just so terrified and ecstatic all at once. It's madness.

Whoa, it's getting late (for me, anyway - 10 is the new 2 am). I guess I need to go grab my Lever 2000 and hit the hay. I hope my legs agree!

Is it you, Gloria Estefan?

Hi there, person from Miami (Sound Machine). I am trying not to be paranoid, but it seems that you have googled me pretty often lately and are reading my entire blog, which while I am honored, also weirds me out the teeniest bit. You could very well be a fellow infertile reading a blog you like from start to finish, which I have done on occasion. But one of your search terms made me feel like you were someone I know in real life trying to hunt down my blog. Please reassure me! You can either leave a comment or email me. I'd really appreciate it!

Wha??

Me: Before we get into (boring work matter) I need to tell you something…uh, well, I, uh…I’M PREGNANT (totally blurted it out).

Boss: So’s my wife! It’s twins!

Me: Shut the fuck up! Mine are twins! (yeah, F-bomb. Felt right)

High-five (no shit – we did.)

Me: How far along is she?

Boss: About 12 weeks.

Me: Wha? I’m about 12 weeks.

Boss: Did you do the neck wrinkle test? We have that on Tuesday.

Me: Wha? Ours is Wednesday.

We went on to have a slightly more normal conversation with just a few more “Wha?!?’s” and “Shut the fuck up’s” I told him how I’d overheard him ordering the PIO and he was amazed that anyone might know what he was talking about. He was super nice and excited about the whole thing. Definitely gets it and now we have this crazy bond. It sounds like he was not as excited about the twin thing as W. Who was out of his fucking head with glee. But I think he’s into it now. God, I hope so anyway! Not much getting out of it at this stage!

Now I must sign off because I have to go buy some old lady skivvies. None of mine are working for me lately.

Form of...Snooze and Spazz!

Does anyone know if there was ever an episode of the Super Friends where one of the Wonder Twins took a peaceful snooze and the other had a spastic dance party? Because that's what we saw today at the ultrasound.

Sleepy who resides in the top bunk, apparently thought this would be a great time to snooze in the sweetest pose ever. It's a wonder sleep was a possibility considering the insanity that was going on down in the bottom bunk. G-Lo was going crazy. I think there must have been some kick ass techno music going on down there because the doctor could barely get a picture! He finally did, though and they both look great. I'm 12w3d today and 23rd measured at 12w6d. G-Lo is right on track at 12w3d.

And here they are! G-Lo is kind of hard to make out because the dance party just don't stop.

Sleepy











G-Lo











G-Lo is actually in the bottom sac, a total blur.

I am in love with the fact that they are in this bunk bed position. It's so cute!

My doc said that my cervix looks great, although there's a polyp on it. He thinks that's probably what caused the spotting. We had sex the night before the evil pink showed up, so now I guess we know what caused it. I'd made it a no-go zone since the spotting, but now since I know what the problem is, maybe the restriction can lift a bit. The doctor said he'd rather not remove it unless it becomes a problem and I'm fine with that.

I go for the nuchal translucency next Wednesday. That makes me a little nervous, but of course I'm excited to see the WT's again.

I'm telling my boss tomorrow. I'm absolutely convinced his wife is pregnant. Not only did I hear him ordering more progesterone, but then he was talking to a co-worker who suggested my boss needs to open a 529. So...not too many reasons for a 529 aside from impending fatherhood, right??

Wish me luck breaking the news! "Hi, I'm your brand-new employee and I'm pregnant!"

100

I had some big ideas about my 100th post, but they all kind of went by the wayside this morning. I was watching the Today Show, as is my wont, and there was this bittersweet story about a family who lost their 3 children in a car accident, and are now expecting triplets from IVF. Well, Meredith said "implant" about a million times, so I decided to email the show. Of course I just got the standard, automatic reply, but hoepfully someone will actually read it and they'll get it right. I know, once again I'm whining about semantics, but...not really. This is a big deal (to me) and it chaps me everytime!

So, here's my letter.

Hello there,

This morning I was touched by the story of the California family who lost their three children in a car accident and are now expecting triplets. While it was encouraging to see a woman who was so willing to discuss the fact that she used in-vitro fertilization ("IVF"), I was dismayed by Meredith's repeated use of the term "implanted" regarding the embryos. I have noted this during other stories on infertility, not just on your show. Use of the term "implanted" supports a common belief that IVF is a cure-all for infertility problems - that the embryos are simply "implanted" and nine months later, the family is complete. Unfortunately IVF is not an automatic solution for many women and in fact, whether or not the transferred embryos implant is one of the biggest variables. For the two weeks between the transfer procedure and the pregnancy test, IVF patients spend all their waking hours hoping and praying for the embryos to implant. So often they don't and women are forced to go through several expensive and emotionally draining IVF cycles before either finding success, finding other paths to parenthood, or deciding to live child-free.

Hopefully you can understand that using the word "implant" to describe the procedure itself is incorrect and gives a false sense of the procedure and its potential outcomes. I hope in the future you will be diligent in using the word "transfer" when describing this part of the IVF process. And I also hope you will continue to talk about this topic, as it affects millions of women.

About me - I have been struggling with infertility for the past four years and consider myself very lucky to have found success on my second IVF cycle. I'm expecting twins in May.

Thank you,
Erin C-

Stepping off soapbox...

Now go visit Watson! She's on bedrest and needs some diversion. Also, I have my first regular OB appointment tomorrow at 11:30. We're hoping for a good look at the Wonder Twins and good news all around. Wish me luck!

I Think I Need to Move

Did you know?

In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants - even, if she so requests, in a policeman's helmet.

Convenient and fun!

Seriously, though, a couple times this weekend, that law really would have come in handy. Not that I saw any helmeted policemen...

A Milestone

I bought my first pair of maternity pants today. I've been relying on my Bel1a Band for a few weeks now, but it will be really nice to have a pair of pants actually fit. We ran a bunch of errands today and I swear, I went to the bathroom at least 5 times in as many hours and each time my jeans were harder to close. I mean, the BB is great, but I can't expect it to actually defy gravity, at least not for long!

We're heading to the 8:00 showing of Amer1can Gangster tonight. It seemed like a good idea when I got the tickets, but now I'm a little worried that I'm going to fall asleep. Last night I was out at 8:45. That's right - rockin' Friday night! But my brother worked on the movie and his name will be in the credits. Plus he told me today that he's actually in one of the scenes. Just in the background, but cool nonetheless! I hope I'm awake when he's on!

Semantics Matter!

Say you’re a boss and your brand-new employee plans and executes a kick-ass event. Despite the fact that she went straight home to puke in some bushes and eat ice cream, you feel the need to celebrate her excellence by going to several bars. When you’re leaving at 2 pm the next day because you’re sooooo tired (hungover), if you want to reward your outstanding new employee don’t say, “Don’t stay too late.” What you need to say is, “Feel free to leave early if you want.”

Because I wasn’t planning on staying late at all. Now, I’m sure this is all semantics, but for god’s sake you need to be straight with people.

I think it doesn’t help that I am crazy tired today. Walking coma-tired. And I really did puke in a bush last night. The second half of the meeting went a little too long and I was STARVING. As soon as it was over I hit the buffet and gorged myself on egg rolls and mozzarella sticks and chips and guac and who knows what else, and it was NOT a good idea. Nor was playing DDR after eating all that. Dumbass. It was a full sized machine, though – so hard to resist. And I won!

But yeah, somewhere between where I parked the car and my apartment, it came back to haunt me. Luckily I didn’t have any sympathy pukers around, just an unlucky bush.

So Typical

I’m that girl. That girl who gets pregnant and becomes a blubbery, slobbery sobbing puddle anytime anything even slight happens.

Here are some recent examples:

-Watching Brothers & S1sters two weeks ago when Sarah lost custody of her kids…BAWLING

-Listening to W tell me how he wants that house to be our “forever house” and how he’ll do anything to make it happen so the babies and I can have it easy…BAWLING

-Pretty much any IF blog post these days, both good news and bad…BAWLING

-Watching the two IVF twin episodes of Bringing Home Baby on TLC…BAWLING

-Ok, I can’t believe I’m admitting this one, because it is seriously fucked up. And while I didn’t cry, I did become momentarily verklempt until I slapped myself upside the noggin. Are you ready? I was emotionally affected this morning by hearing that Ann Curry finally made it to the South fucking Pole. The people in the studio were cheering and she seemed so proud of herself for being only one of like 7,000 people to have made it. Somehow it affected me. And I don’t even really like her! Weird.

Alrighty – had to get my NaBloPoMo’ing done for today because I have a big work event tonight. The first one that I’ve planned here. We’re doing a big all-hands (about 100) meeting, then bowling, so not the toughest event ever, but here’s hoping it goes well! I’ve already had a few people tell me they’re buying me a beer (which…hello people, it’s FREE!) and I’m trying to figure out how I’ll carry the same beer around all evening without being too obvious.

Someone else's home, I guess

Well, my stepdad thought it was definitely a sound investment, but we found out today that someone made an offer already. We're not at all ready to get into a bidding war, so we decided to pass. Unfortunately for a lot of people, the market is only going to get worse, but it is good news for us. Now we don't know if we'll buy a condo in SF, rent a bigger apartment, or what.

I've been tagged for 8 random things by the newly un-busted Busted! I made the mistake of asking W to help me think them up. "ONLY EIGHT?" he says. Real nice, dude. I need to go beat him up, and I'll post those manana. Or, I was contemplating coming up with 100 tidbits about me for my upcoming 100th post (HOLY SHIT!) but it seems a) daunting and capital B) Boring.

It's Not a Hovel, It's a Home

Or at least it could be.

Perusing the local real estate websites on Sunday I saw what was described as a “diamond in the roungh (sic)” There were only exterior pictures, but the pretty high end neighborhood combined with a listing price in our range enticed me to learn more.

During a tour of open homes that afternoon we decided to drive by the place. As we slowed down to see what it was all about, a woman from the cleaning crew asked if we’d like to see the inside. Of course we were all over it!

The bones (if you’ll allow me that cheesy real estate term) are incredible. It’s got this HUGE living room with a fireplace and the layout is actually pretty good for an older home. It’s 100% NOT a ranch, which is nice because I feel like that’s all we’ve been seeing so far. Nothing against ranches, but this was a refreshing change. It just feels nice and old, which I love. There are 3 normal bedrooms and one tiny one that is almost all windows – would make a great office or something. The bad news is that the kitchen is a total disaster. Disgusting tile counters, dilapidated cabinets and no appliances. Other than that, although it’s old, the place is pretty liveable. Don’t get me wrong, just about everything needs fixing - new windows, new bathrooms and more, but for now it’s probably ok. It just happens to be at the top of our price range, so I’m totally stressed about having the money to live there, fix it up AND eat. On the other hand, it’s on a double lot and is in one of the more desirable communities in the East Bay and is walking distance to the little village. It’s got to be the cheapest house in town, so if we fixed it up the way we know how, maybe the equity could support the house flipping I want to do.

W (who has his heart set on it and is convinced this is our "forever house") is there right now with my stepdad who has made himself a lot of money in the real estate business. Hopefully he will help us figure out if we’re crazy TO do it, or crazy NOT to do it. It’s bank-owned, so we can’t get any disclosures and since W got lost on the way, they’re looking at it in the dark. Oh man, are we nuts?!?

***
Enough about me, though. If you haven’t had a chance, please stop over and let Ann know you’re thinking of her. She’s going through a nightmare I can’t even begin to comprehend.

From Bax to The Biz

Shortly after we got married Will and I adopted a sweet (looking) dog named Baxter that we were told was a 4-month old puppy. At his first vet appointment, we learned that he was closer to a year old. Come to find out he'd been a stray for almost his whole life and he was a little (lot) insane. 98.7% of the time he was the sweetest most perfect little guy, and then all of a sudden he would snap, usually it was food related, but not always. Our friend bent to tie his shoe and apparently was too close to Baxter and got chomped in the hand. Another time my cousin's 3 yr old daughter came too close and he snapped and clawed her in the face. It would have been much worse, but at that point I had him on a leash at all times. After about six months of attacks and meetings with behaviorists who insisted there was nothing wrong with him, we had to let him go. Our nephews (4 and 6 at the time) were coming to stay with us for a week and there was no way I could handle the stress of protecting them from Kujo 24 hrs a day. The day I took him back to the woman who facilitated the adoption was one of the saddest of my life. Of course he was perfect that day and looked at me with the sweetest eyes. I cried the whole way home, but I knew it was the right decision.





We knew we'd get another dog, but weren't sure when. I think we were both too afraid to bring the idea up after all we'd been through with Bax. Then about six months later we were driving to Syracuse for Thanksgiving and one of us (can't remember who now) said to the other...maybe it's time to get a dog. We arrived at my cousin's house that night and over some beers she mentioned that she thought W should get me a puppy for Christmas. A sign! THEN...at Thanksgiving dinner another cousin asked us outright if we were interested in a puppy because her brother in law had some he was going to give away. They were only 3 weeks old at the time, but she promised that if we wanted one she'd drive it up to us (in New Hampshire at the time) when it was ready. Ok, now if this sequence of events wasn't enough, we went to see the pups the next day and that's when we met...

Bella. We call her The Biz.

This is a skinny 9 yr old girl holding her, so believe me she was TINY! But so sweet. I knew I had to have her. More later! I'm milking these Bella posts to get me through!

Proof that I need your help

There's nothing like a little spotting scare and subsequent happy resolution to make an otherwise ordinary weekend seem downright glorious! There's been no return of the evil pink
and this has to be some of the best November weather ever. We spent the day in GG Park, laying about on a blanket, eating lots of tasty food, and watching others toss frisbees and nerf footballs. We also got to watch my pooch destroy some fellow picnickers Nerf, but handily I had brought the EXACT same one along so I easily replaced the one that Bella turned into a snack.

After our picnic we met up with a friend from the East Coast who stopped over to visit on his way to a business trip in LA. We went out to a kick-ass dinner here. It's a former KFC, hence the name. My fancy steak stroganoff with gnocchi was so fucking amazing. And the brownie a la mode that followed was everything a person could ever want. Ever.

Despite the over-eating of the night before, I woke up STARVING and off we went to our favorite breakfast place. I had a scramble with bacon, avocado and spinach w/ homefries and fruit, plus a biscuit with gravy and a pancake. Mmm mmm good.

Ok, so unless you want to just read about my culinary exploits over the next month, please - tell me. What have you always wanted to know about me? Or San Francisco? Or Bella?

All's Well

POSTED ON SATURDAY 11/3, NO MATTER WHAT BLOGGER HAS TO SAY ABOUT IT!

I haven't seen anything since about 10am yesterday when there was one brown blob. I came right home from work and hit the couch and things have been fine. I'm going to take it easy over the weekend (although I can't stay on the couch the whole time) and hopefully this will be the last of it.

Now I can focus on the important stuff, like hoping my twins are smart like these guys! (No, NOT the ones in the picture!!)

Thanks so much for all the kind wishes!!

Pink Stinks

Two stupid things I did.

1) I said how it must be true that the rain on my wedding day was good luck.

2) I signed up for NaBloPoMo. I felt like I’d been neglecting my blog and it would be a great way to chronicle the pregnancy and reconnect and yadda yadda…

But then yesterday at around noon I went to the bathroom and what to my TP Tango’ing eyes did appear? Pink.

Fucking pink.

So now that luck business is out the window and instead of NaBloPoMo’ing about ultrasounds or my cute growing belly or when to start buying maternity clothes I will be angsting about vaginal sludge.

So here’s the lowdown. In an attempt to be fully descriptive, you are about to receive a dose of TMI. If you can’t take it, it’s ok. Come back tomorrow. OK…Yesterday at noon, I see the pink. Freak out a little and then start an every 20 min bathroom cycle. Nothing else happens, but it kind of smells like blood – or like my period at least. But again, no further color issues, so I was starting to feel a little better. Then when I got home I passed two eeny weeny light tan clots - if they were even clots - “gobs of gunk” maybe?

Overnight there was nothing, and now this morning there’s been more sludge on three different occasions. Two clearish/milky, one with a tint of almost orangey-red. No actual blood so far, but I definitely feel weird…kind of period-y. Psychosomatic? Most likely. But it feels pretty fucking real.

I just called my new ob and they can’t see me until 11/8. This is not promising for any future emergencies. So now, I think I’ll start looking around for a new, new ob. Awesome. I left a message on the advice line and will hear back at some point today. But most likely it will be just the same as what the RE nurse told me yesterday. She said not to worry unless I’m gushing real, actual blood, going through a pad every 30 minutes, or if I pass a golf ball sized clot. I’m sorry, GOLF BALL SIZED??? That is approximately the size of one of the WT’s. So by that point, I would have lost my fucking mind. She crazy.

So this is my Friday. Freaking out and trying not to move much except for frequent trips to the loo. We were supposed to go back for a daylight-look at a house we liked, but to hell with that. It’s probably better to let them sweat out the weekend, anyway. So maybe some good will come of this.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

This has been the best four years ever. It was raining on the morning of our wedding day and everyone said that's good luck. At this point I have to believe them!

Thanks baby!

(It's also my dog's birthday. She's 3!)