Family Update!

Oy vey. I was SO looking forward to today. My first Mother's Day as a MOM! But I certainly did not anticipate welcoming the day from the Emergency Room.

Yup. So last night we were both noticing that the sleep deprivation was beginning to take its toll on us. Then the little man's left eye began to swell up. It had been kicking out some gunk throughout the day, but didn't seem too scary. Once we saw the swelling, though I got scared. But at the same time, we were both so tired that we couldn't decide what to do. First we called the advice line for our pediatrician. They said we could call at 7:30 this morning to make an appointment w/ the after hours clinic. I just couldn't see how we would make it through the night worrying about his eye as it was puffing up more and more with each passing minute. He's just so tiny, it seemed like any small affliction could be major to him, you know?

On the other hand, the ER just seems like a scary pool of other people's germs. And being so tiny and underdeveloped, it seems like he'd be so susceptible to them. In the end, we had my mom stop over and she was all for us going to the ER. Part of her reasoning is that I have had a rash since the delivery that covers my ENTIRE FUCKING BODY. It itches like hell and is really vile to look at. She was worried (as was I) that somehow my rash had manifested itself in his eye. Even though I've been so vigilant about sanitizer and hand-washing, the possibility was still there.

Of course, not a single health professional who has looked at my rash has even raised an eyebrow. Apparently it's just a rash and I need to suck it up. I did get some steroids from my ob, but they're not exactly doing anything. Wah wah me right?

Anyway - back to Matty. The ER doc (SO not George Clooney - more of an extra dorky William H. Macy) said that he's got conjunctivitis. ugh. they lubed him up with some antibiotics and today the eye is 1000% better. maybe we overreacted a bit, but I'm not sure how we could have - he's a 9-day old 5 pound preemie!! Now we're just hoping that Sister Sarah doesn't end up with it, too.

So, aside from that, everything is going really well. I know we're still dealing with sleepy preemies, but they are so well-behaved! We had a couple tough nights in the hospital, with 2 hr crying fits and marathon feeding sessions, so I was a little worried we had two little monsters on our hands. But since we've been home they've been perfectly behaved! My only concern is weight gain. They aren't gaining as quickly as they should be - as of yesterday's pedi appointment Sarah is at 5lbs, 5.5oz and Matthew is 5lbs, 1oz. They've gained since leaving the hospital (she was 5.2 he was 4.15), but they'd each only gained 1/2 an ounce from the appointment the day before. We've been told to supplement a few feedings each day with some formula. I wish we didn't have to, but in a way it does take the pressure off of breastfeeding and it lets W get involved with feeding time. I love that one-on-one time, so it's only fair he gets it, too.

Breastfeeding is going ok. It's really fucking hard, but for the most part it's working! In the hospital I had a few days where I wasn't sure if it would be so "easy". At first Matthew wouldn't latch on. To get out of the NICU he had to take 10 cc's of formula. Then once in our room he wasn't so into the boob and he had to have two more bottles overnight. then the next day he was on again/off again , but now I think the spoon feeding I mentioned before is behind us. There was also the time I was feeding them together and the nipple pain was so bad that tears were streaming down my face. Since I've been home I haven't been tandem feeding as much. Not because of the pain, but because single-feeding them allows me to pay more attention to how they're eating so I can be sure they're not just hanging out, snoozing away. Tandem will be great once they're a bit older and can relatch on their own, though.

My c-section recovery feels like it's taking longer than it should. I know it was major surgery and all, but I'm dying to feel like myself again. Even though it came on so late in the game, the preeclampsia seems to have fucked me up but good. I got super swollen (amazingly even moreso!) while in the hospital, and had to be on magnesium for the 24 hrs after delivery. Then the edema cause a bit of a rash on my stomach. And then of course the full body rash, which is unrelated to the stomach one.

All this stuff I'm whining about is SO unimportant, though. When I just look at these two babies I am amazed at the love I feel for them. I feel like I've known them forever, like these two people were destined to be a part of my life. I love being able to say, "Oh, Matthew always does that head shake thing when he's latching on." or "Sarah just loves it when you rub her back." They're mine! I know them better than anyone (W and I do, that is.) It's just incredible. How lucky am I?

Of course on the flip side, the responsibility is so scary. When we were on our way to the ER I was so overwhelmed by it that I kept breaking down into tears. NOT exactly painting the picture of the confident Mommy! Luckily Matthew loves the car and was passed out, so he didn't notice my pathetic blubbering.

Ok, so enough talk - to the babies!

Sarah on the left, Matthew on the right.

Sarah curled up on W's chest at the pediatrician.

Matthew Raising the Roof!

We could really use some smaller car seats, no?

Matthew attempting to suck his thumb. He's getting better at it every day.