Boundaries? What boundaries?

While I get the general excitement that people seem to feel about OPP's (Other People's Pregnancies) I will just never understand why or how it leads them to become so incredibly inappropriate. Two examples from the last hour here at work:

1. I'm standing at my boss' desk. One of his peers, who is generally pretty funny but not particularly appropriate, comes up and says, "Hey (E's Boss), if you stand next to her (me), you don't see those extra pounds at all."

Ohhh...I get it. I'm pregnant, so I'm fat! Har dee fuckin' har. Shut it, chump. He tried to make up for it saying, "But I was trying to say that (your boss) is fat!" I guess he didn't realize that he implied that if my boss is fat, I'm Orca.

Fool.

2. I'm at my desk, surrounded by the two players from above, plus the Operations Manager for the entire West Region. We're talking babies (remember my boss' wife is having twins as well) and comparing weights and progress, etc. and my boss decides to ask me - in this group setting - "How's your cervix?"

Well, hopefully it's not shy! Jesus! It's good that at this point all of my reproductive organs have become mere tools to me. I actually keep them out in the garage in my handy Craftsman Cooter Container.

I know this dilemma will never be solved. People will rub bellies uninvited, ask about, point out, or greatly exaggerate weight gain, and turn genitals into everyday conversation fodder, as long as the subject is a pregnant lady. If only somewhere, sometime the "miracle of birth" will be accompanied by the "miracle of decorum." I'm not counting on it, though.