Friday, February 8, 2008

Lame-O

First things first, I had an OB appointment this morning and all went well. I'm pushing 30lbs of weight gain right now, most of which appears to be in my thighs and the backs of my ankles. 30 seems downright shocking, but I'm not that (much) huge(r than normal) and I've been eating pretty healthily (nightly bowl of ice cream notwithstanding), so I'm trying not to worry about it too much. The babies were very cooperative and their heartbeats were audible right away. They're 148 and 154 , so within the normal range and different enough for my doctor to be sure that he got both bambinos.

I also had my 1 hour gluc0se screening today. The drink was so much more palatable than I thought it would be! Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly hankering for another one, but it wasn't so horrible. It was cold, which made it way easier to get through. I won't get my results until Monday. Is it wrong to consider eating nothing but carbs and sugar until then? I know. It's wrong. And kind of gross. I won't do it, I promise.

U/S on the 13th - woo hoo! Can it really be true that on Sunday I will be 25 weeks pregnant? I am so very lucky.

So, yesterday Sticky Bun posted about the great news of her SIL's success on her first cl0mid/iui. Coincidentally, my very good friend is also pregnant from her first cl0mid/iui. Her betas are pretty sky high - 782 at 16dpo - and now she's almost 6 weeks along. Can you imagine if she got twins, too? I mean it does seem a bit likely, given that number. She kind of told me her day 18 number, saying it was in the 1400's but I didn't want to seem like a freak, so I didn't press her for the exact number. It was hard though! (Her first beta was taken in the afternoon and the 2nd was early in the morning, so especially without the 2nd number, I have no idea how to start calculating doubling times. She's damn close, though...) Anyway, however many babies there are in there, I think it's the most fabulous news ever.

But...

Would I feel even slightly happy for her if I wasn't pregnant myself? No. I know I wouldn't. I'd be spitting nails and would be posting a post full of venom and snark. It's probably dumb to be beating myself up for feelings I might have if things were different, but I feel like a jerk. To know that I probably wouldn't have been able to put aside my jealousy to be truly happy for my friend? That's kind of lame.

5 comments:

Waiting Amy said...

Don't beat yourself up too much about your reaction. Unfortunately, everything in life is all about context. And luckily, you are in a great place!

Congrats on making it to 25 weeks! What a relief that must be. And on your weight gain! Did you every imagine people would complement you on gaining lots of weight? I'm worrying a little since I haven't gained much, and really want to follow all the things I read about gaining a good amount in the first and early 2nd trimester. Hopefully that nightly bowl of ice cream will kick in for me soon too!

So happy for you!

The Dunn Family said...

Nah, it's normal. Do you know that I still cringe when I get pregnancy announcements? I guess it's a built in jealousy. I do get jealous when I hear that people get pregnant easier than I did. But it's all about context. Do you think you would feel that way if she got pregnant after her 3rd IVF? Probably not. It's hard not to be jealous of people that had an easier road than you. Even if you are where you want to be.

I hope that made sense. You aren't lame at all. We all get it.

Sticky Bun said...

No, you're totally right. The news on my end if I weren't pregnant right now would have been totally different. It's not lame, it's honest. And we all totally get it.

And, I'm so glad things are looking so great! 25 weeks!! So wonderful! Keep growing there, wonder twins!

Baby Step said...

That is totally normal - it is what it is. Don't dwell on it - it is great that you are acknowledging your feelings for what they are.

Wow - time is flying - you will meet your babies before you know it!

Ms. Planner said...

You are anything but lame. Waiting Amy is right. It is all about context. In the end this struggle (and the results - both good and bad) put a lens on everything that comes with such a unique perspective.

Wow. 25 weeks. Amazing!