Alive and Kickin

**UPDATE - ME is apparently in labor and it is too soon for this to be even remotely a good thing. This is so unfair.

That is, I’m alive and the babies are kickin’. It has been so long since my last post – madness! Part of it, I must say, is that this pregnancy is pretty letter-perfect so far and there is some seriously unfair shit going on out there with AMS, Alexa and ME just to name a few. it felt weird to be posting my happy happy la la bullshit while they're going through hell. Please send your thoughts their way if you haven’t already.

I do want to have this to look back to as a journal of sorts, so away we go. Firstly, my east coast shower was this past weekend just outside Boston and it was so incredibly fun. I will have to post some of the outfits we got because they’re just too cute. I didn’t really imagine there would be so many stylin' options for matching/coordinating boy/girl twins, but my friends were able to find them! I arrived in Boston on Thursday and took the T home with my friend’s husband. Unfortunately by the time I got there, their 5 month old baby was asleep, but the next morning I got to meet her and she is so gorgeous. And fun! She just smiles all the time and hops around in her jumper. Friday we did a little shopping, got pedicures and hung out with the baby. Can’t ask for much more than that, right? Then Saturday was the shower. All my Boston friends were there and it was so great to see everyone. Then, as I went to the buffet for my 22^nd slab of frittata, I looked out the window and saw my brother! He lives in Manhattan and I never expected him to be there. He’d grabbed a ride with my aunt, my cousin (who married us) and her family. They all live just north of NYC. I couldn’t believe it! I cried. How could I help it? Of course I should just realize that my brother would go to any length to be in a room full of women. In addition to holding court with the ladies, he kicked ass at the “name the melted candy bar in the diaper” game.

All my flights to and fro were right on time, and I shudder to think how tired and uncomfortable I would have been had there been any sort of delay. Flying was not all that fun, especially with my restless legs. On the way there I had aisle seats, but on the way back I changed my flight at the last second, so I was stuck in middle seats on both legs. The first was fine because the woman in the aisle seat got up a lot, but the second leg was rough. I was pinned between two champion plane sleepers. I had to shake the bejesus out of the guy on the aisle to wake him up. It was either that or piss myself and I'm pretty sure I made the right decision.

Speaking of peeing. I pee about 4,397 times a day. I take a sip of water, and ten seconds later, I'm off to the loo. But lately I have been sleeping through the night without peeing! I guess this is a good thing, but it's also weird, right?

The other day W took a look at me and said oh-so matter-of-factly, "You're large." Large. That's nice, thanks honey. Here’s the latest belly shot. (Sounds like something they serve at Coy0te Ugly – heh.) I was 23w2d. I'm wearing a size 12 non-maternity faux wrap dress, which is maybe getting a little indecent in it's tightness, but I won't let that stop me!

Other than getting bigger and noticing more and more swelling in my feet, I’m doing really well. The heartburn is only occasional and I sleep like the dead. In fact, my friend’s baby was teething while I was staying with them and apparently (I have to say apparently because as far as I know they could have been making it up) she was up screaming all night every night. Did I hear any of this? No, not really. A few whimpers here and there, but I easily rolled over and fell back to sleep. I sure I hope I hear it when it’s my kids! I highly doubt you’re supposed to start CIO right from birth. I think I’ll be more alert when the spawn is mine. Here’s hoping, anyway.

I’ve got an ob appointment next Friday and another ultrasound on 2/13. I can’t wait to see the little buggers again! They move around all the time, which is great because I’ve always wanted acrobats in the family. W has been able to feel them a couple times which he loves. Last night while I was watching the Clint0n/0bama lovefest, I was literally contemplating my navel and I think I saw my stomach actually move from a kick. Then I started huffing and puffing too much to see it again. I suppose one unfortunate side effect is the inability to take real breaths. I've always been a fan of the deep breath, but I guess I'll have to wait a few months before I can take another one. Drag.

This weekend I'm hoping to get the babies' room in some sort of order. During the move it became sort of the dumping ground for all the stuff that we weren't able to put away immediately, but I'll feel much better if that's all put away or at least out of sight. I also want to get a futon for the room, because I imagine I'll be sleeping in there w/ them occasionally when W goes back to work. (Speaking of working, I am torn right down the middle about whether or not I'll be going back. Many thoughts on that to come another day.) Also, I need to get our new car. I was driving my stepdad's car last night and as I was stuck in the middle of an intersection with the emergency brake firmly applied and no clue how to release it, I realized how awkward it can be to drive a different car, and I want to have some time to get used to the new one before I've got two tiny passengers. Hopefully we can do that in the next couple of weekends. We just paid off our GTI, so we might as well get a new car payment!

Happy Friday to all!

Please don’t forget to go visit AMS, Alexa and ME. They could all use your support right now. I hope my quick mention of them doesn’t seem crass or unfeeling. I think about them all the time, but I am finding it so hard to verbalize my thoughts on what they’re going through. If I'm honest, it's that it's too terrifying for me to even begin finding the words.

Jerry Springer Wannabe?

This makes me ill. Stupid T.yra B.anks is doing a show on infertility and she thinks this makes a good premise:

DO YOU KNOW A WOMAN OBSESSED WITH BECOMING PREGNANT?

Do you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom? Have you seen and heard her struggle for years, felt her unvoiced jealously and seen her desperation first hand? Have you watched silently for too long as she gets her hopes up only to be disappointed and heartbroken when she can’t conceive? Has she tried extreme methods and spent a lot of money to get pregnant with no luck? Do you want to finally tell her she needs to stop the emotional and physical stress on her body and seriously consider adoption or a surrogate alternative? If you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom and getting pregnant, then SUBMIT BELOW.

Click here if you want to tell her how you feel about this premise. (Thanks to KYFTI for bringing this to my attention.) I just envision her having these poor women on stage and then their mothers and husbands and best friends coming on to berate them about how adoption will solve all their problems. Hello? Don't you think they've thought of that already?? If it does happen, I kind of hope these women go all Springer on their asses and throw some chairs. I know I would.

Here's what I submitted.

Dear Producers,

I'm writing to urge you to change the premise of this show before it films. While I'm thrilled that you are planning to do a show on infertility and the struggles associated with it, this lead-in makes me believe that the show will be slanted against the women who try so hard to create a family, by describing them as obsessed and trying to coerce them to pursue methods they’re not yet ready for. Perhaps we infertile women do seem "obsessed" with becoming a mom, but the word obsessed is just wrong here. It misses the point of the emotional and physical struggles we go through. People can be obsessed with toy trains or celebrity gossip, but becoming a mom goes way beyond that.

I hope that your show will address the myriad medical conditions that can contribute to infertility, rather than simply talking about it as its own condition (although admittedly, some cases are unexplained), and that you'll discuss why it becomes so important to women to become pregnant and give birth to their own child.

Suggesting that your reason for bringing these women on is to urge them to "stop the emotional and physical stress on (their) bod(ies) and seriously consider adoption or a surrogate alternative?" is not going to help anyone. You must know that they've probably considered these options in depth already? And certainly you don't believe that adoption or surrogacy will eradicate or even diminish the emotional loss associated with losing the biological connection to your child or missing out on the opportunity to become pregnant and give birth?

Please do not bring these women on simply to be attacked for their choices and to be pressured by friends and family to rush into adoption or surrogacy too soon. ALL infertile women have considered these options and are working toward making a decision whether or not to pursue them.

Thank you for turning your focus to this subject, but please do your research and tread lightly as there are so many women out there looking for a voice and who continue to be disappointed in the media portrayal of our problem. You have the opportunity to do a show that will HELP millions of women, but with your current premise you will simply end up HURTING the women who appear on the show.

Best,

E-

Laughter through puke is my favorite emotion

I’ve been putting off posting because I have all these mini thoughts, but nothing cohesive enough to count as a real post. Today I say fuck that, because it’s only a matter of time before these thoughts vaporize in my twin-addled brain. So, in no particular order of importance or interest, here’s what’s going inside my head (and other parts of me…)

First things first, I will join the ranks of knocked up types out there and post a belly shot. Here I am at 19 weeks, 3 days. Please pardon the severed head syndrome, but W was adamant that I don’t post my head here. I did leave my chin(s) so you can see how short my hair is.

Pregnancy Issues (Physical):

-Restless leg like ya read about. Luckily enough it seems to flare up not when I’m in bed, but when I’m sitting at my desk, on the bus or on the couch. It’s really been interfering with my ability to concentrate on Project R.unway, so even though it’s not keeping me from sleeping, I’m going to have to categorize this as a major problem. I have found that taking a bath helps, so I’m going to do that more often for sure.

-Intermittent heartburn. NOTHING like it could be, so really I’m lucky on this front.

-Again I think I’m lucky here, but rather than constipation, I’ve got consta-poopin’. Seriously 3…4… times a day. I guess that’s a good thing!

-I’m going to need to buy new shoes. My favorite black boots are a) too small and b) too old (ratty), and now my other shoes are all getting too small as well. My boots have even been leaving marks around my calves which means I’m on my way to some lovely cankles – yay! I’ve started taking my arch supports out, which is helpful because then my shoes fit better, but then not so much because my feet are fucked up and I need the arch supports. Argh.

Pregnancy Issues (Mental):

-I have a clothes fit every single morning. I am so sick of looking like a frump and it’s only going to get worse from here! I just ordered a couple new things from AT Loft, so hopefully that will infuse a bit of life into my dreary get-ups.

-I’m still in disbelief that this is happening. Yes, I’ve registered and yes, I’ve got a crib up in our second bedroom, but I cannot for the life of me connect any of it to the fact that two human beings are going to live in my house and expect me to care for them. We’ll see someone with a double stroller and say, “Hey that’s us!” but it doesn’t feel even slightly real. We test drove cars last weekend and when I tried to envision the salesman in the backseat into two babies it just didn’t compute. (We're thinking H0nda Pil0t by the way.)

-In less than 3 weeks I will be 35. I’ll cross into oldpregnantladyville. No offense intended to those over 35 already, but this is a serious milestone in my mind. I know 50 is the new 20 or whatever, but 35 is really inching toward middle age. I almost never worry about my age, but this one? Hurts.

Random Good Bits:

-I got the Sn0ogle a week or so ago and LORDY! I have been sleeping so much better! W is not a fan of the “chastity pillow”, as he calls it, forming a wall between us, but I am in love.

-I’m going to Boston for the last weekend in January for a shower that my best friend is putting on for me! I can’t wait to see all my east coast peeps and have one last (for a while) girls’ weekend. My stepsis is hosting a shower out here in March, so I am definitely a lucky girl.

-Moving to our new place was so smart! We love it and the indoor pool has been so great. I love love love it!

Random Funny Stuff:

-W and I were at the grocery store when my friend called. She was suggesting bringing dinner over to our house, so of course I was all ears! As we were chatting I saw a display of commuter coffee mugs. Since I’m in need, I grabbed one and proceeded to stow it away in my PURSE. I just went on yammering away to my friend about the evening’s plans. Once I finished W just gave me this look and said, “You wanna go ahead and put the mug in our basket?” I had NO idea I had basically stolen the thing. Thanks be to hay-soos he was there!!

-My gag reflex is still really quick. Mostly if I’m coughing or laughing a lot I’ll gag a bit. Nothing ever came of it….until the other night. We had a perfect Saturday of not doing much aside from hanging out by the fire, playing scrabble, and eating some tasty crockpot chili. Just as we were snuggling (snoogling?) into bed, W made me pay for the chili by letting rip what seemed like a pretty tiny fart. However, what it lacked in amplitude it made up for in disgusting smellitude. I started laughing and saying, “Man, that’s terrible!” and then all of a sudden the gagging began and before I knew it I had thrown up in my mouth. I ran to the bathroom and unfortunately the laughing turned hysterical just as I made it so there I was laughing my ass off while puking. It was not pretty. But I couldn’t stop laughing! I mean, we’ve all said, “Ew that’s nasty, I’m gonna puke,” but how many of us actually do?

Sorry to end on that note, but that’s all I got. Oh - OB appt next Wednesday and then a peri/u/s appt on 1/17. Woo hoo!