Limbo

This is such a weird time in the life of the infertile. I'm on CD6, so for the next week or so, there's not much I can do to help my own cause. Yes, I can eat better, avoid coffee and booze and do nice things for myself like fertility yoga, nice dinners with W and walks with our dog, but beyond that it feels like my wheels are just spinning waiting around for Sexfest '07 (our last-ditch attempt to evade IVF). I suppose we can always practice. Or I could spend some time checking my cervical fluid. That's always fun.

If I had any self-control, this would be the perfect time to maybe take a mini-break from the IF blogosphere and bulletin boards and books, etc. In fact I'd suggested just that to myself this morning, but clearly that's not going so well, since here it is before noon and I'm writing a post.

It's just kind of addictive. There's so much information out there, and I'm a total glutton for that. And even better is the support I get by reading that other people are going through the same things I am. Like Sticky Bun who wrote this post describing exactly how I feel about IVF. Or like Carrie who's having her last (nearly) natural cycle before IVF - just like me!

The great thing about reading all these blogs is that I get a chance to root for everyone else. I see a pregnant woman on the street and I seethe. But when I read about someone getting a long-anticipated BFP I couldn't be happier. Partly because the woman on the street probably got pregnant by accident or in her first month of trying or some such bullshit, partly because I know the struggles my fellow bloggers go through and mostly because their success gives me inspiration.

The thing is, I'm not always the kind of person to be inspired by the successes of others. In fact, just this weekend I was golfing with W and we were paired up with a father-son duo who apparently came right from the PGA tour. They were freaking awesome. Of COURSE it was the day my pitching wedge decided to shit the bed.

When they made good shot after good shot I wasn't happy for them. Once the dad sent his drive into a tree and that made me smile inside. And a few times the son came up short on his putt. That was pretty cool.

Relevant? You decide. A nice chunk of Limbo used up not making a point? Absolutely.

Idyllic, Storybook, Urban Legendary Natural Pregnancy, Right This Way!

Well, I'm officially an IVFer-to-be, at least until the title of this post comes to fruition.

After talking with my RE, I'm taking this cycle off (from high-tech stuff, that is) and will attempt (most likely in vain) to be that mysteriously evil "friend of a friend" that we're always hearing about. "She signed up for IVF, and all of a sudden she got knocked up the old-fashioned way!"

That's me. Old-fashioned to the core. (She said on her blog.)

Information Overload

Go vegan!

Eat a high protein diet!

Get some exercise!

Don't exercise!

Do yoga!

Relax!

Focus!

High fat!

Low fat!

You're fat!

Jesus effin' Christ there is a lot of information out there. Information may be too kind a word. "Advice" I guess. But when it's published in a book that's available at my trusty library, it does kinda feel like information, ya know?

So I'm anxiously awaiting my phone consult with my RE tomorrow to talk about when I can start my IVF cycle. This will be my first, and we've got a few travel dates to work around, but I'm hoping we can start right away. I'm just starting my third month of acupuncture and herbs so most likely I'll have completed my "magic number" three months of TCM treatment just in time for IVF.

I got my period today, and it came on like a Mack truck. I guess that might be good so it will come and go fairly quickly, but writhing in pain is so much better at home on the couch. Doing it here at my desk is the pits. Another positive is that I can talk to my RE in real terms and not be waiting for my next CD 1.

(Insert your own eloquent transition here)

A friend of mine gave me "The Infertility Cure" and said that it really put her mind at ease and she attributes her pregnancy to it. This is the same friend w/ 2 sessions of acupuncture, some Clomid and BAM, knocked up! (That's not really fair, she was trying for a while, just nothing medical aside from the Clomid.)

Reading this book, really makes me wish I had time to try doing it all naturally. It sounds so nice to use food and herbs and acu to get my body working correctly, but with my recent diagnosis I just don't think it's a good idea. I just wish we got this information earlier in life rather than when I'm being threatened with eggstinction.

Unfortunately the book's not putting me at ease like it did my friend. The author tends to knock Western IF treatments a little. Not always unfairly, but for those who don't feel like they have the option to go all natural, it can feel kind of insulting.

Insults aside, I'm heading off to the local organic grocery to get my lunch today. Of all the information I've gotten, going organic is one that I can't find an argument against.

Going vegan? That's just crazytalk.

So much for a happy post

Well, it's a no. I was starting to have a feeling, although after spending the weekend with two pregnant friends, one damn cute baby and his mother, (a "friend" who knows that I'm going through all this yet spent the entire day we were together obsessing about my no-quotes-needed friend's pregnancy. And my NQN friend doesn't even want to talk about it. To her it's a fact of life not a reason to stop all other topics of conversation.) I could have used a BFP.

I think it's onto IVF now, which is pretty scary because it's kind of the last frontier.

10dpIUI and counting

Well, my 2ww isn't quite over, but I'm hoping that it will speed up a bit because my friends are arriving today! One in mid-afternoon and one around midnight. Tomorrow beach, mani/pedis and a ladies' lunch, Friday to wine country (for the scenery - and a couple sips here and there - for me), and Saturday a big dinner with lots of friends. 4 more hours of work and I'm out!

Probably no more posts until after my HPT, so here's hoping the next post is a happy one!

Sweet, sweet ignorance

Well, another friend of mine is pregnant. She has been ttc for a while, so it wasn't as frustrating as when it happens like magic for those Fertile Myrtles (I'm looking at you P!), but it was a bit of a blow. Is it wrong to be envious because she didn't go through any serious IF treatments? She took some Clomid, she had a couple acupuncture sessions...that was it. When I told her about my most recent IUI she said, "Is that the turkey baster thing?"

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be insulting. I'm just jealous of her ignorance. And her 16 week old pregnancy. (Not in that order)

I knew she was pg because we are going to see each other this weekend (after not having seen each other in about 6 months) and although we don't chat on the phone much (this has no bearing on our closeness, I swear!) she left me a message on Sunday saying she's looking forward to hanging out, but that I should call her back.

So I knew. Part of me wanted to not call her, but I did. I am happy for her, I swear, but do kind of wish I didn't have to hang out with TWO pregnant beotches this weekend. Along with another couple that just has their children at will. Awesome.

If only I could drink. Damn you 2ww!!!!!!!!!

A short story, part 1

Once upon a time there was a woman who was trying to get knocked up. Traditional methods didn't work, so she went to a doctor who injected her husband's sperm inside her, gave her some prometrium capsules and said "shove these where the sun don't shine and call me in 2 weeks."

Midway through those 2 weeks her brain melted and she developed carpal tunnel from her World (Wide Web) Tour of IF blogs and bulletin boards.

Will her brain return to normal function?

Will she be able to resist the siren call of the internet?

Will her Easter Sunday "egg hunt" be a success?

Stay tuned...