May Tomorrow Never Come

I know that's a weird post title for someone whose beta is tomorrow, but honestly there's this small part of me that wants to just stay right here in the 2ww. Here I can imagine the IVF worked and think about names and where we'll put the crib and how we'll tell our parents. Here I can have hope. What if tomorrow the hope is turned to despair? W has decided it worked and is already totally excited. It's so hard to temper my own enthusiasm.

I've got about 15 hours left until the ceremonial stick-peeage. "Hope"fully the results will allow me to keep the hope alive, because I'm pretty scared about how a no will hit me.

Pains and Posterity

I've been trying really hard not to constantly think about potential early symptoms and for the most part have been successful. But today I'm having some weird cramp-y type things. They're quick, sharp jabs in my lower abdomen and are making themselves fairly hard to ignore. The thing is, I never get cramps before AF. It's always about half a day in when the cramps start. So I can't believe I'm actually blogging this, since it's early and the pains are fairly minor, but I really feel like it's a good sign. And it really is a good sign, I'll be happy to have recorded it for posterity. (My First Pregnancy Symptom!)

Of course if isn't a good sign, then I will probably have to come back and delete this delusional post.

If only I was a better temp-keeper so I'd have something more solid to go out. It certainly worked for Bumble!! Please go give her your congrats. That little Sureshot really lived up to his name!

2WickedWeeks

My ET went well this morning. Or I guess I should say, "My ET happened this morning." I've got the 2ww to handle before I'll know how well it went.

I'm kind of in a state of shock because I ended up transferring 3, which is something I never thought I'd do, especially since I thought only two had fertilized. They gave us the news about the extra when we arrived this morning.

I'm definitely not down with multiples, especially of the high-order variety, but the math won out. My RE and W both thought 3 was the way to go, especially since the 3rd wasn't freeze-worthy. (Why would it be transfer-worthy, then?) Also, my RE said that I have to be treated like an older woman because of my high FSH. I was steadfast in my view that 2 was best, but when asked, "What if it doesn't work? Won't we regret not tossing in that 3rd one?" I realized that I would absolutely regret it, so here I am.

I just hate the idea of not rooting for them all to succeed. I guess my kid(s) first lesson will be that there IS an I in team. I really need to turn my brain around and be positive. It's so hard thought. I feel like I've made a mistake and there's no going back now.

First beta - May 29th

10dpIUI and counting

Well, my 2ww isn't quite over, but I'm hoping that it will speed up a bit because my friends are arriving today! One in mid-afternoon and one around midnight. Tomorrow beach, mani/pedis and a ladies' lunch, Friday to wine country (for the scenery - and a couple sips here and there - for me), and Saturday a big dinner with lots of friends. 4 more hours of work and I'm out!

Probably no more posts until after my HPT, so here's hoping the next post is a happy one!

Sweet, sweet ignorance

Well, another friend of mine is pregnant. She has been ttc for a while, so it wasn't as frustrating as when it happens like magic for those Fertile Myrtles (I'm looking at you P!), but it was a bit of a blow. Is it wrong to be envious because she didn't go through any serious IF treatments? She took some Clomid, she had a couple acupuncture sessions...that was it. When I told her about my most recent IUI she said, "Is that the turkey baster thing?"

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be insulting. I'm just jealous of her ignorance. And her 16 week old pregnancy. (Not in that order)

I knew she was pg because we are going to see each other this weekend (after not having seen each other in about 6 months) and although we don't chat on the phone much (this has no bearing on our closeness, I swear!) she left me a message on Sunday saying she's looking forward to hanging out, but that I should call her back.

So I knew. Part of me wanted to not call her, but I did. I am happy for her, I swear, but do kind of wish I didn't have to hang out with TWO pregnant beotches this weekend. Along with another couple that just has their children at will. Awesome.

If only I could drink. Damn you 2ww!!!!!!!!!

A short story, part 1

Once upon a time there was a woman who was trying to get knocked up. Traditional methods didn't work, so she went to a doctor who injected her husband's sperm inside her, gave her some prometrium capsules and said "shove these where the sun don't shine and call me in 2 weeks."

Midway through those 2 weeks her brain melted and she developed carpal tunnel from her World (Wide Web) Tour of IF blogs and bulletin boards.

Will her brain return to normal function?

Will she be able to resist the siren call of the internet?

Will her Easter Sunday "egg hunt" be a success?

Stay tuned...

Halfway through the 2ww!

I had a great day yesterday. No work because of Cesar Chavez Day and W got home early! Not being at work was great in many ways. Some are obvious - no working! Some less so - not being at work meant not being at the computer so I didn't spend time reading about (ok, obsessing about) infertility and withered insides. It felt so good.

Bella and I went to Fort Funston where she ran and swam and generally had a blast and then I did some shopping, finding a great new rug for our living room and some cute earrings. Then when W got home we went golfing and I actually played pretty well! I swear, going to the driving range first is a MUST! The evening was topped off with a delicious dinner at a mexican place near our house and the Giant's-A's exhibition game.

It totally felt like a Saturday and now TODAY'S Saturday. So great. Tomorrow we're going hiking with friends and next week I'm only working three days because my girls are coming to town. I'm hoping all this activity will help me get through this everlasting 2ww, because while I don't want to fast-forward through their trip, the wait until I POAS on Easter Sunday is killing me!