This is so fucking hard. I alluded to some serious crying in my last post and let me tell you, it's getting out of hand. I don't know any way to soothe these kiddos except feeding them. Even just holding them isn't enough lately. And today I've learned that joining in on the sobfest doesn't help either.
I tend to just feed them because it is the only thing that works. Of course then that means I'm always feeding them and have no time to do anything else. My house is a disaster, I look like crap and I feel even worse.
There was a short window where I feel like I was making some headway with a schedule, but it's long gone now. Our days are total chaos.
Today, after a feeding (or so I thought) as the three of us were crying, and W was asking me what to do, I seriously considered giving up breastfeeding. I feel like maybe with bottles then I could have more control over things. They are the slowest eaters EVER, with each feed lasting 45-60 minutes, and often even more because they keep coming back for more. Sarah's a bit quicker than Matthew, but not much. And her quickness doesn't really benefit us since I'm tandem feeding. When I'm by myself I might try to get her into a boppy or bouncy when she's done, but she'll inevitably start squawking.
Right now I don't even feel like I have the brains to adequately express all my issues.
I went to the new mom's group, hoping that the babies would do ok, but, here's a shocker: they didn't. Oh the screeching. Thank god one of the women brought her mom because this lovely woman held Matthew for the entire meeting. I definitely felt like I was taking advantage of her, but since her daughter's baby never made a fucking peep for the entire two hours, I guess it was ok.
I did go get a Baby Einste1n dvd, but haven't tried it out yet. I'm a little afraid because if it works, I'd be tempted to run it on a loop all goddamn day.
Ok, now the mofo dog needs me to take her out. Ahhh, motherhood.