Thursday, March 29, 2007

Pro/Con Artist

I'm super anxious about my RE appointment today. For one thing, karma-wise, I feel like I should just be acting as if this IUI worked, right? Not making special appointments to evaluate and plan my future fertility treatments? But at the same time, if by chance this cycle is a BFN, it does make sense to be ready for the next one.

I've been thinking that the title of this blog is too harsh and not optimistic enough, but this post pretty much embodies what I'm describing as the VCoC.

The other reason I'm anxious is that I've been riding this train all the while as an unexplained IF'er. Now that I'm at a true fertility center that actually diagnoses its patients, as opposed to the old place that just treated me, I'm likely to find out that there's something really wrong with me. Even this has its pros and cons.

Everything has them lately, right? I can find arguments for and against pretty much any topic you throw at me these days. There is but one exception.

The pros are pretty obvious. A proper diagnosis will lead me and my RE down a more targeted path and we'll be able to focus on the actual problem. No duh.

But on the con side, having an actual diagnosis will mean that I'm probably not going to wind up pregnant on my own, and that I'm damaged goods. And he might even tell me that I'll need donor eggs or that I can't have children, or who knows what.

These kinds of panicked, over-stimulated imaginings are so bad. So they'll stop for now. More later after my appointment...

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