The Vicious Cycle of Cycles

Help me out! Vote for me!!

2009-05-31T08:59:00.000-07:00

I'm in a contest to become a new contributor to How Do You Do It, a super-helpful blog for Multiples Moms. I'm not entirely sure how the vote is going to work. They've got a couple bloggers posting each day on their site w/ a poll at the end that includes that day's writers. It goes for a week, so I may remind you again later this week.

My post is the middle one, and is a re-tread of the Babyprison post I wrote a couple of months ago.

Here's a link to where you vote! Thanks in advance!

And don't forget to come visit me over at my new home: MomSprung.com!

Pics!

2009-02-25T22:02:00.000-08:00

I posted some kid pics over at Momsprung. I'm trying to phase this space out, if you haven't already updated your RSS feeder to go to my new blog, I'd surely appreciate it!

Workout Wednesday

2009-02-17T22:22:00.001-08:00

Come on over to read about how I can sweat my arse off AND neglect my kids. Sweet!

I've been interviewed!

2009-02-13T09:35:00.000-08:00

Check it out!

Lost Post?

2009-02-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

Does anyone use Windows Live Writer to write their posts? Apparently I deleted an entire post from my wordpress blog in Live Writer, but I have no idea how, nor do I know how to get it back. Crap.

Can anyone help, or am I screwed?

Is this getting annoying?

2009-02-09T21:32:00.000-08:00

I guess I have a lot to say.

Yoo hoo...

2009-02-08T20:18:00.000-08:00

more blatherings over thisaway...

I'll do this for a little while when I post at my new digs.

Psst...

2009-02-06T20:55:00.000-08:00

Over here...

...with my mind on my babies and my babies on my mind.

2008-10-07T16:37:00.001-07:00

"You're so laid back."

"You're so relaxed."

I keep getting comments like these in relation to my mothering, and I just can't seem to take them as a compliment.

Do they mean:

"Your holey-crotched yoga pants evoke a confident ease." or

"The way you put your greasy mop back in the same ponytail every day shows a true laissez-faire approach to hair care" or more likely,

"Watching you let those babies cry as you pee/shove a meal down your gullet/scratch your ass shows you've developed a truly casual parenting style."

I'm sure that's overthinking it a bit, but I just wonder what people mean exactly. I don't notice that other moms are super hyper (Well, not all moms anyway). I'm generally a laid back person in a lot of respects. And I've discovered that babies cry. Sometimes they're crying for a reason, but sometimes they're just crying because they don't know what else to do with their bountiful spare time.

Also, I really subscribe to the theory that if I stay calm, the babies will too. We keep a fairly quiet house. The tv is low when it's on. We don't yell much (ever) and I think (hope) that this will result in chill kids who don't need to shriek to be heard. But now that I've been getting this comment so much, I wonder if I'm TOO relaxed. Should I be rushing to them at every squawk? Or wiping up every drop of drool? I've recently renamed Sarah "Drooliette Lewis", so I would be extremely hard-pressed to keep up with that constant flow. I guess I will just take it as a compliment, but I know that every time someone says it, I will wonder a little bit what about me seems so chill.

So, spill it. Have you ever thought a mom was laid back? So much so that you told her? And were you being nice? Come on - I can take it!

Ubiqui-bounce

2008-10-03T21:05:00.001-07:00

Ok, so what is the goddamn deal with bouncy houses taking over the universe?

Seriously? I get that they're fun. But they're not always necessary are they? It seems like every roadside attraction now has to have one. Our local farmer's market has one, and what's worse...every pumpkin patch in our area has TWO! I can only imagine the poor parents trying to get their kids out of the bouncy house, "Come on Johnny, you can't go in the other one until you pick out your pumpkin." I mean, hello - isn't the fun of going to the pumpkin patch PICKING OUT YOUR PUMPKIN? It's just insane to me. I guess they'll be at the Christmas Tree joints, too. I find it so odd.

I don't mean to be all old-fashioned, but I just wonder if my kids are going to grow up thinking that bouncy houses are everywhere. It seems like a sign of the times, and not a good one.

You know what else is odd? The idea that Sarah freaking Palin might be elected into the Vice Presidency. It's more than odd, really. It's fucking terrifying. Not to mention her war mongering pal. What is wrong with this country? How has she made it this far? Who thought that she'd appeal to to Americans? Why are they a little bit right? All that babbling last night probably appealed to a lot of people and that's just scary. I can't even write much more about it, or I'll go nutty. But I will say that there ought to be an Amendment stating that VP candidates should be able to name at least one major newspaper.

Arranged Friendships

2008-09-20T22:48:00.001-07:00

Yes - Pictures below!

So, one of the most interesting things about new motherhood is this idea of Mom's groups. Let me start by saying I absolutely love mine and I would probably be a little lost without it. Having a standing weekly date with people who understand why your hair is so greasy is so nice.

But the concept is definitely a little strange, no? I'm not sure how many of you out there are part of a group and/or how you came to be a part of it, but basically mine was the equivalent of an arranged marriage. I joined the local mother's club at large and then was assigned to a "playgroup" of women who had their babies in April, May or June. Thanks for your $45, now here are your new friends!

Amazingly it is a great group of women. My friend keeps saying, "Has the psycho shown her true colors yet?" and I fully expected there to be at least one, right? But so far so good. In fact, I am pretty thrilled with the group. One woman brings wine to all our playdates, not caring that they start at 11am. I heart her a lot. Another had a mom and babies TGIF party at 3pm the other day, complete with beer, bubbly and apps. Heaven!

In an attempt to provide myself with more free outings, I've joined another group for twin moms (my other group is all singletons). More coming after our inaugural meeting next week!

Speaking of next week, my triathlon is one week from today. I haven't exactly been training much. I walk all the time, and now with the B0B have been tackling more hilly terrain, but as far as, you know, actual TRAINING... uh no. In fact, I recently convinced myself that it's better if I don't take a run between now and the race. I figure there's not nearly enough time for it to have any training-type effect, and in the worst case I'll injure myself! So, that run will be my first in 13 months. The last being another 5k that I did absolutely no training for. Smaht. This race is even shorter than a true sprint tri, and I know I could complete each component (somewhat) easily on its own, but put all together? Gawd. It could get ugly.

Ok, as promised, photos!

This is a happy girl.

My big man.

The quintessential twin picture

Daddy keeping his girl warm.

Matty doing his best "sack o flour" imitation at our twins club summer picnic.

Matty in the jumperoo - he has no idea what it is, but he likes it!

Sarah taking her turn.

Once you get your fill of the cuteness, look past the babies to the SEA of baby gear. It's EVERYWHERE...

test post

2008-09-20T22:37:00.001-07:00

testing Windows Live Writer...

Yawn

2008-09-17T21:42:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying that I'm not posting any photos in this post. I don't blame you if you decide to just move on without reading any further. I get it. I'll make up for it next time, but I'm just too damn lazy to go find the camera AND the cable. Just trust me, they're cute. Gummy, dimply smiles... Drooly, goofy grins... you get the idea.

So, I'm on night 3 of putting them to bed by myself. W has a wicked deadline and has been working til 9 or so for the past week and a half. Last week my mom was around to help out, but this week she's illin', so I'm flying solo. Honestly it hasn't been that bad. I'm pretty tired from being "on" all the time, but other than that it's going ok. Tonight I even went for a higher degree of difficulty by adding in baths! Madness. Of course, as I type I can hear Matthew starting to clamor for his "dreamfeed." Guess I'll deal with him before he wakes his sis.

To be continued...

Ok, let's hope that takes. They've both got colds, so nighttime hasn't been all that fun lately.

Oy. The whining has commenced. FUUUUUUUUCK. Come home W, come home!!! He's supposedly about 10 minutes away. I'm letting M sputter it out - at least until Daddy gets here. It's not like he needs more food. As of yesterday Matthew weighs 15lbs 4 oz to Sarah's waif-like 12-11. She looks so tiny next to him! It's funny, though - girls really do do everything first. She smiled first, grabbed toys first, rolled over first... all that. And now she's gabbing away. He does a Chewbacca like moan, but she has all different kids of sounds that are so friggin' cute. I could chat her up all day long. Especially because the babbling seems to make her SO happy. She giggles and talks and giggles... I just love it.

I feel like I need more angst to blog. I know I'll have this to look back on and I'll enjoy reading all about the day to day stuff, but god I am SO boring, right?

One angsty thing is the fact that my mom is leaving me. She and my stepdad live in Palm Springs during the winter and they're heading down early this year - on October 1. She isn't here every single day, but she does stop by most days and often for a few hours. She has been a lifesaver and I don't know what sort of state we'd all be in if not for her presence. So that begs the question... What the fuck am I going to DOOOOOO????

Thankfully I have my mom's group, but that's only once a week. I will be going on lots of walks, I think.

Also, I'll be busy unpacking... Assuming that all the inspections pass muster, we BOUGHT A HOUSE! Well, they just accepted our offer. So we've got a ways to go, but it's looking good. It's in need of a bit of cosmetic work, so once that's done we'll be moving in. I'm so glad because the winter is coming and our current townhouse is pretty dark. Also, it's on the 2nd floor, so if we're not actually going for a walk, when the dog needs to go out it is QUITE the production. One kid in the bj0rn, one in my arms, poop bag in my pocket, dog on leash and then navigating the stairs without falling. It aint' pretty. The idea of just opening a slider to the backyard is very exciting.

Ok W is finally home! Woo hoo! More frequent, boring posts to come, but from now on punctuated with cute pics.

We're Alive!

2008-08-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

I am a sucky blogger of late. My Firef0x has been open for weeks with six trazillion of your wonderful blogs open, just waiting for a moment so that I can comment. I have deep thoughts and supportive things to say, but just not when I've got two hands to type. When I have two hands, it means I have no babies, which means for some reason that my brain turns to absolute mush. And now, look at me - writing my own blog, while yours sit woefully uncommented-upon (by me - I'm sure there are many more together people who have their lives in order).

Since my brain function is fleeting at best, let me get in a few thoughts before it clicks off for the evening:

1. Overall the babies are doing SO great. Matthew is becoming a freaking giant. By our bathroom scale he is about 14.5 pounds. Sarah is around 12. For 16 weeks, that's not so bad! We have our 4 month appointment a couple weeks late on 9/16, so it will be fun to see how tall they are and what their weights are exactly. It still amazes me that my breastmilk makes them grow like this!

2. Speaking of bf'ing, it's still going well. I got another mini case of mastitis, but luckily Matty was extra hungry and he helped clear things out. What a guy. My little sumo wrestler... We are pretty much sticking to an every 3 hour schedule during the days and I nearly always feed them tandem style. This has been a lifesaver!

3. Once feeding time is over, we have a little play time - usually one kid in a bouncy and the other at the "gym". We signed up for gymb0ree class, so we've been going for the last two Mondays. It's probably too early for this, but I swear, they LOVE it! And it gives me good ideas for ways to engage them at home. I've been doing an assload of "itsy bitsy spider" of late. Thank god these two aren't too choosy when it comes to singing. They think I'm good! Or at least funny. They are both giggling all the time and I swear it has to be the best noise I've ever heard. Sarah's is this high-pitched squeak of glee, and Matty's is a bit deeper, but his entire face lights up, including the sweetest little dimples. Sarah contains her smile to her mouth and her eyes, almost like she's trying to hide the fact that she's smiling. I don't know who she's hiding from, but it's also super cute.

4. After playtime is naptime. Could someone let my kids know that? They're not really interested. I guess they just want to hear me sing! But seriously. A lil nap here and there couldn't hurt, could it? Sarah is better at it, and occasionally hers last 2 or 3 hours, but Matty thinks naps are for girls. You'd think he'd be all cranky from the exhaustion, but he is the sweetest, most-smilingest little dude! I will keep trying to put them down after 2 hrs of wake time, a la We1ssbluth, but it's getting a bit disheartening.

5. If only he'd sleep at night! Well, he does sleep, but not for long stretches. He was doing 5-6 hrs, and even did one 7 hour stretch, but now those seem to be gone. We put them down around 7:30, then he's usually up by midnight, then at 3ish, and then again at 6:30. It's no wonder he's so much bigger than his sister, because while he's eating the night away, she's sleeping like a champ. She's pretty good for between 10 and 12 hours, thank GAWD! I don't know what I'd do if they were both up all night. Sometimes we have luck with a good nap within an hour of their 6:30 wake up, but not always. Not even often. Just often enough to make me believe that it can happen.

6. As of two nights ago, we're done swaddling, which is nice. It was getting to be a pain, and Matty kept busting out, so we tried him for a few nights without. He did great, and then we stopped with Sarah, too. She hadn't had any issues with the swaddle, but didn't notice the change.

7. We got a B0B today! I cannot wait to get out on the trail with it! It is a dream compared to the snap-n-go. I mean, I totally love the sng for convenience, but we've been trying to take some fitness walks and it's just not cutting it. The kiddos are a little small for the B0B, but we'll probably make them take a ride tomorrow anyway.

8. Speaking of tomorrow... I'm going to 0utside Lands! It's this big concert in SF featuring two of my favorite bands. I cannot wait! W is staying home with the nugs. It will be great for him to get an idea of how my days are, and even more than that, to just hang with the babies. Basically by the time he gets home it's pretty much time to start the bedtime routine. The poor guy.

9. We had the most wonderful visit from Parker and Jackson (and their parents, of course!). I couldn't believe how big and fun P&J are! And CUTE! Man, are they ever cute. I guess it was good timing to see them when we did, as it was the eve of Watson's boot camp. I'm not sure she'll make it out alive!

10. I'm sure there's much more to say, but my brain is starting to fizzle.

11. Oh wait, I know - WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK with all the diving? Why do they need to do so many dives? They have been doing it for days and days and days. It's absolute insanity. Also? How does that chick analyze the dives so quickly? I mean, I know she probably was a diver and all that, but one's eyes can only take in so much! So, I'm simultaneously annoyed and amazed every time the diving is on, which is ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Ok, pardon the Olympic rant. Here are some photos...

At my mom's group, just chillin' on the couch. Not sure what Matthew's winking at.

My niece decided that Matty needed some friends for his nap. He actually did sleep pretty well that day, so maybe there's something to it! Note the paci off to the side. Neither baby has ANY interest in them. So devastating.

Posing in these cute outfits from my friend CA.

Tummy time! Although it doesn't last too long these days because they both prefer to roll over. They can both go front to back, and Matthew seems VERY close to going back to front!

As promised

2008-07-30T10:08:00.001-07:00

Ridiculous photos...

And from the outtakes...

Shhhhhh!

2008-07-27T21:07:00.001-07:00

Babies are sleeping!

And sleeping and sleeping and sleeping!

The routine is kicking ass so far. We've done it every night, even those when we've been out way later than we should be, and night after night the babies fall right to sleep! We had so many nights of it taking forever to get them to sleep, but now they know the drill. Bath, food, slumber.

And the best part? Matthew has started giving us some long stints of shut-eye! The last few nights he's done anywhere between 5 and 6 hours at a time! Love it! And Sarah's been doing 8 to 9. It's just incredible.

I'm fully prepared for them to revolt, but for now I am loving life.

Also, we've been having actual FUN during playtime! Laughter, interaction, the whole works! Sarah's started reaching out for the toys dangling from the gym and on the bouncy chair, and I swear she reached out for Matthew the other day. Plus she's developed a fondness for this one particular elephant. He makes her so happy! And they laugh when I sing, make silly noises and smile at them! It has reduced me to acting quite the fool just to see those gummy grins, but hell, it's just us there, so who cares?!

We had a nice weekend. W had to work on Saturday, but our friends came over with their baby and we just hung out all day. She and I are former roommates, so it's very easy for us to hang out informally. She even took a nap at one point! Also, they live without tv, so she got good and sucked into some HGTV. Eventually W came home and we took the kidlets down to the pool. Unfortunately it was too cold for the littles, but their baby LOVED it. He's almost 6 months and has more meat on his bones, so the cool water didn't bother him. Today I played some tennis with my mom and got to have a swim on my own. GLORIOUS! (Except for the beating my mom gave me on the court. She plays almost every day, but still! It was rough.)

Ok, the laptop's dying and I'm too lazy to go get the power cord. Tomorrow I'll post these RIDICULOUS pictures I took of the babies. I dressed them up in Happy Birthday gear, popped them into the bumbos and will send a framed picture to my brother as his b-day prezzie. I never thought I'd be the type of person to give presents of my kids as gifts, but not even 3 months in, I've caved.

Last thing - I think we're going to make an offer on a house! We'll be a bit stretched, but I would LOVE to have a real house. This townhouse has done the job, but we need a yard and I really want to paint the babies' room orange.

Take Me Out to the...

2008-07-19T17:51:00.000-07:00

BALL GAME!

Last night we got a call from my stepsis that her husband's G!ants tickets were available. We knew that we wanted to take the Littles to a game at some point this year, but we didn't think it would be so soon! We had four tickets, so my dad came along and we kept the last seat for the diaper bag.

They were perfectly well-behaved and the talk of Section 222! Sarah ate herself through the first and second inning, but after that she slept with her dad in the Bjorn, so we weren't able to get any good pictures of her. We more than made up for it with cute ones of Matthew, though!

Then tonight just before bathtime we took this picture. It's the first time I've gotten a good picture of Matthew smiling.

Speaking of bathtime tonight, we've instituted a nice routine for bedtime for the past few days. We head upstairs, they get baths, then I feed them and they go down. Not much to it, but at some point we'll incorporate a book. I was also thinking I would get a Baby E1nstein cd to play in their room while W gets them ready before and after the bath*. It's been MUCH easier to get them to sleep in the evenings, but I can't say the routine has done much for how long they sleep. Sarah had been good for 6-8 hrs lately, but then last night she was up nearly every time with her brother, which was 10, 2, 3:30 (swaddling escapage which was only corrected by bf'ing) then 5am. UGH. It's not fun. I'm so cranky by the time the morning rolls around. I just wish Matthew would show ANY teeny bit of interest in lengthening the time he sleeps. Just one 4 hour shot would make me so happy.

Oh well, they're doing great otherwise. That horribly cranky period of about a week ago seems to have passed for now. (As has any immediate thoughts of shelving the boob.) We get lots of happy times during the day. I still struggle with how to transition them from eating (tandem bf'ing) to a bit o' playtime, to naptime. So often I fall into the trap of letting them have the milk-drunk nap on the bf'ing pillow. I know it's not a good long term solution, but as long as I've got the remote, my laptop and some water, it's hard to make a case for moving them, you know? Plus, my mom (aka my only help) has been away for most of this week and won't be back until late next week, so we are just doing whatever we can to survive around here.

They will be 12 weeks old on Thursday, which just blows my mind.

Oh man, W just brought me some oatmeal choc chip cookies. Bye now!

*Bathtime - We got an infant bath at one of our showers, but it seemed like so much of their tiny nekkid bods were out of the water that they had to be freezing! So I've taken to hopping in the real bathtub and having W pass them to me one at a time. They seem to really like it, especially Sarah. I just hold her head and shoulders and she floats around so peacefully. I know I'm going to be shat on any day now, but for now I love bathtime!

It's Official

2008-07-16T22:11:00.000-07:00

I am in trouble.

My dad was coming over to dinner the other night and just before he arrived I rushed up to change into something "nice".

What did I choose?

Yoga pants with dog hair all over them and a hole in the crotch.

Granted, it was just my dad, but STILL. I changed into these pants to dress myself up a bit. This is how What N0t To Wear victims (aka "lucky bitches") get their start.

Seriously, Stacy and Clinton? I'm here. I'm a little busy (and pudgy) right this very minute, but in about six months, I would absolutely love you to ambush me. I'll really need it by then. Will you be mad if I want everything to have an elastic waist? Also? I only wear flip flops. Or running shoes. Is that going to be a problem?

A Teeny Tiny Favor

2008-07-14T17:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Babies of the World,

You know when you get all yawny and droopy-looking in the evening? That gives your overtired mama the idea that you're ready for bed. It encourages her to wrap you up tight, rub your back, sing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall (because that's the only song she can think of the words to) and put you down gently in your crib.

Well if you're not planning to fall asleep, why not let us know in THAT exact moment? Why let us creep hopefully back to my dinner or bed, audaciously (thanks Barack) hoping that we're about to get some shut eye. Why must you wait exactly as long as it takes for us to start eating or get comfortable for the exact moment that we become certain that "Oh this is the one....he's definitely going to sleep now," to begin the pathetic warbling that quickly evolves into operatic shrieking. Why?

Just let it out! Make your status known! We don't mind. We get that it might take a few tries for you to fall asleep. We just need you to let us know a little sooner.

Thanks!

Sincerely,
Moms of the World

This just in: Twins are hard work.

2008-07-12T16:28:00.000-07:00

This is so fucking hard. I alluded to some serious crying in my last post and let me tell you, it's getting out of hand. I don't know any way to soothe these kiddos except feeding them. Even just holding them isn't enough lately. And today I've learned that joining in on the sobfest doesn't help either.

I tend to just feed them because it is the only thing that works. Of course then that means I'm always feeding them and have no time to do anything else. My house is a disaster, I look like crap and I feel even worse.

There was a short window where I feel like I was making some headway with a schedule, but it's long gone now. Our days are total chaos.

Today, after a feeding (or so I thought) as the three of us were crying, and W was asking me what to do, I seriously considered giving up breastfeeding. I feel like maybe with bottles then I could have more control over things. They are the slowest eaters EVER, with each feed lasting 45-60 minutes, and often even more because they keep coming back for more. Sarah's a bit quicker than Matthew, but not much. And her quickness doesn't really benefit us since I'm tandem feeding. When I'm by myself I might try to get her into a boppy or bouncy when she's done, but she'll inevitably start squawking.

Right now I don't even feel like I have the brains to adequately express all my issues.

I went to the new mom's group, hoping that the babies would do ok, but, here's a shocker: they didn't. Oh the screeching. Thank god one of the women brought her mom because this lovely woman held Matthew for the entire meeting. I definitely felt like I was taking advantage of her, but since her daughter's baby never made a fucking peep for the entire two hours, I guess it was ok.

I did go get a Baby Einste1n dvd, but haven't tried it out yet. I'm a little afraid because if it works, I'd be tempted to run it on a loop all goddamn day.

Ok, now the mofo dog needs me to take her out. Ahhh, motherhood.

While I wait for CPS to get here...

2008-07-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

Current sitch: Two babies in bouncies on the floor facing...Sesame Street. And? Complete silence. Aside from the inane singing and chattering coming from the tv, but I'm ok with that since it's not incessant crying. I don't even think the babies are looking at the tv, but there's something about the music and goofy puppet talking that seems to be working. I don't have any baby einste1ns or anything, so I'm trying this. Thanks PBS.

I KNOW 10 weeks is way too soon for tv, but the crying, OH the crying! It was getting rough this morning and I hadn't eaten, or peed, or taken my fenugreek...blah blah excuses excuses. I never imagined that this would work, but now that it has I fear for my childrens' brains.

Ok - had to relieve my guilty conscience. Now off to do all those things I was talking about...

Two Months Old! (updated)

2008-07-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe my little babies are two months old already! And then on the other hand, I can't believe that I was ever without them. This has been so much fun - even when it's absolute hell.

The babies are doing really well. We had our 8-week appointment and Matthew pulled ahead in the weight department, coming in at 9 lbs, 9 oz. Sarah is a more dainty 9-2. They're both the same height - 22 inches. This puts them both at the 10th percentile for weight. Matthew is 15th for height and Sarah is 25th. Still quite wee, but our pediatrician said they'll catch up soon enough so I'm not worried. Especially considering that they eat pretty much constantly from morning 'til night. It's just amazing. We constantly are asking ourselves, "They couldn't possibly be hungry again, could they?" And the answer is invariably, "Yes." I love my little bottomless pits. Sometimes they even look like overeaters. Check out Sarah from this angle...

YIKES! Those are some cheeks! Now, to be fair, here's a real picture of her.

We call Matthew "The Healer" because he spends a lot of time in this position. We assume he's healing the masses.

They are both smiling, and I cannot get enough! It is so damn cute. I only wish it happened more often. There are times when they're just awake and happy, but it's rare - especially when it's just me here. If there's someone else to hold one of them, then we're good, but when it's just me, it can get ugly. For instance today, Sarah was inconsolable, and I was bf'ing Matthew. He was laying across me on a b0ppy and I was holding her over my shoulder. She was so wild that she was booting him in the stomach repeatedly, but he was so intent on the grub that he didn't seem to notice. I'm sure he'll get her back for it in a couple years.

At least I could reach her, though. So often I'll be feeding one and the other will be in the crib/bouncy/knife drawer and the crying is just so sad. I try to tandem feed as much as I can, but it doesn't always work out. I can't wait until they're more entertain-able. For now there's not a ton that will get their mind off crying besides getting picked up or eating. I really want to be more independent, but for now I'm all about having someone here whenever they can be.

Luckily I've had a ton of help from my mom and for the past month my brother has been here. He works in the tv/film industry and took time between projects to come get to know his niece and nephew. Isn't that cute? I swear he did it just so that when he goes back to his swingin' single life, he'll have great anecdotes to woo the ladies with. "Oh that Sarah would never sleep unless I swaddled her just so." He knew nothing about babies when he got here, but now he is practically an expert! We call him our Manny. I honestly don't know what I would have done without him these last couple weeks. He's leaving on Sunday (back to NYC) and I can't even think how sad it will be. Look how into it he is - he even does tummy time!

The nights are going ok. Sarah had been sleeping for some decent stretches - 5, 6 and 8 hours, a couple of weeks ago, but those are a thing of the past (and hopefully the future!) Currently she and Matty are pretty much in synch. We put them to bed around 7, they wake up at 10ish, 2ish and 5:30ish. I tandem feed at night and thankfully they have been going right back to sleep. Last night I completed two of the feedings in less than 45 minutes, which for these guys is miraculous. It's not so easy during the day, so I'm very grateful that the nights are calmer. It has been pretty hard to get them down at 7, so tonight for the first time we've tried separating them. Matthew's in the crib in our room and Sarah is in their room. It's kind of sad, but so far it's been working, so I guess I'll just have to get over it! Plus, it's not like they've even noticed one another yet. Of course if we had any brains about us, we would have put Sarah in our room instead of our human video game. MAN - he makes the funniest squeaks and grunts. She sleeps pretty quietly, but I swear I'm in an arcade when Matthew is sleeping. Damn. Now I have the Super Mari0 Br0thers song in my head.

I have had so many instances of "Oh, I've got to blog about that!" but I can't even come close to remembering any of them. My brain is mush. My body, however, is coming along. I've lost another couple of pounds and have been doing pretty well with the exercise. In addition to nearly daily walks, I've gone on a couple bike rides, played tennis, played 9 holes of golf (and kicked ASS with a 46!) and today I took a spinning class. Or, I should say, a spinning class took me. Sweet jesus, that was hard. I hadn't taken a spinning class in about two years, and it had to have been one of the hardest I've ever done. I will pay for that tomorrow.

It's great that I've been able to get out, but I do feel pretty guilty about it. My friends and family, W included are so supportive and convince me that it's ok to be out there, but once I'm away from the babies I feel like such a jerk. So who cares if I have to wear my maternity jeans to their high school graduation - shouldn't I want to be here all the time? I know I need a break, but sometimes I feel like I'm getting off too easy. My mom wants me to play 18 tomorrow, but there's no way in hell. The course is over an hour away and just the golf alone would take nearly 5 hours. At least the 9 hole course is close by. I'm hoping to keep up with the spinning class though, at least a couple times a week. It's at the Mill Valley Community Center, which is so nice. And I just found out they have drop in child care. I only saw the room when it was closed, so I'll have to check it out during operating hours, but that could be a great help for when my mom can't watch them. They have to be 3 months old, so we'll see how much of a spinning habit I develop in the next month before I need to investigate any further.

I am looking forward to my next new mom's meeting with the multiples club, and I also joined a "regular" mothers' group. Our playgroup is planning it's first meeting for next week. I assume I'll have plenty to learn from and share with singleton moms and it will be nice to focus just on their baby-ness, rather than their twin-ness. Also I had great advice from another twin mom who suggested never going on a playdate w/ another set of twins. Better to befriend the singleton moms because then they can help you! Selfish? Yes. Practical? You betcha!

Alright - it's time for the adults in this house to get to bed. I kind of dread it actually. I feel like they know right when I get into a deep sleep and that's when the wailing starts. Also I've got this weird thing where when I do wake up, I'm drenched in sweat. It's not that hot in our room, but no matter what, I and my side of the bed are soaked. So I've taken to sleeping on the futon after the 2 am feeding so I don't have to go back to my clammy bed. I'm assuming it's something hormonal. And I'm kind of hoping it won't happen tonight since the spinning class wrung so much sweat out of me that I can't imagine there's any left.

Wait! I knew there was something I needed to blog about. I'm a stay at home mom. Yup. Told my boss I'm not coming back. It just wouldn't have made sense financially. Mostly I'm so glad, but it is pretty weird to be cutting myself out of the working world (and more importantly the dollar-earning world). I know what I'm doing is worth loads of dough, but that doesn't mean that anyone is actually giving us that money, you know?

Ok, I've got lots more thoughts on that, but I'm too tired for any sort of coherence.

Happy Birthday Babies. I love you!

UPDATE: Clearly Sarah didn't like me dissin' her sleeping skills. Last night she gave me a nice solid six hours straight! Matthew wasn't fazed by the dissin', though.

Be my Richard Simmons

2008-06-18T10:38:00.000-07:00

Well, as I said, I got the all clear to exercise. I could very well ignore it and just let this flabby bonus stomach make itself comfortable. OR, I could do a little bit day by day and hope that I'm back in regular pants soon.

(I did wear a pair of my regular jeans yesterday, but it was practically indecent.)

Anyway, I'd love to use this as a place to chronicle any and all exercise I do. I think the accountability is a good motivator. A while back I added a running ticker, but I'm not sure I have the time or fortitude to be that ambitious. For now I'll just post about whatever I do, and any subsequent weight loss. I ended up gaining nearly 80 pounds with these lil suckers and I'm about 15 lbs away from my starting weight (which was too much!) So, encouragement is very welcome! And that includes pointing out if you see that I haven't done anything in a while.

So, since I got the go ahead, I have:

Gone to the driving range
Played tennis
Taken a few vigorous walks
Gone swimming
Had sex!

I look forward to you people telling me to keep at it! Especially that last one...heh heh.

I wonder

2008-06-16T09:28:00.000-07:00

how a man can hear the low buzz of a vibrating phone, but NOT the banshee-esque shrieking of his only daughter...

Crap.

2008-06-02T16:01:00.000-07:00

Why are they crying? Because they gave me mastitis. Lil punks.

I was definitely feeling some pain, but just thought it was a new and improved sort of breastfeeding woe and didn't give it much thought. Then yesterday W and I took the runts for a nice walk on our local bike path. It shouldn't have been any more taxing than any of the other walks I've taken lately, but when we got home I was JUNK. So freaking exhausted and never really came around all day. I had some chills, a headache...the works. Then I got to internetin' and discovered that I was a prime candidate for mastitis. The hot showers help, but I can barely find time for a shower these days, so I need to figure some other remedies out. Warm compresses are supposedly good, too, but I've never been able to figure out how to keep a compress warm. Am I an idiot?

I went to my doctor today and he gave me some antibiotics, so I'm hoping it will be gone soon. Although I hear that the antibiotics can cause thrush. I'm wondering if I make sure to get some acidopholus then I can avoid it? I totally made that up in my head, though. Anyone?

Woo Hoo!

2008-05-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

Had a follow up weight check today and both babies are over their birth weight! At 13 days old, no less!! Matthew is 5.9 (5.7 at birth) and Sarah is 5.13 (5.11). I am so relieved. We're going to back off the formula supplements for now. I will probably start pumping in the next couple of days to build up a nice supply for the occasional bottle. Our pedi suggested that if they start cluster feeding a bunch in the evening that I could skip a feed and DH can give them a bottle. I'd much rather it be breastmilk, so we'll probably head out to rent a pump tomorrow.

She also said that as far as milestones we can ignore their early arrival and they can now be treated as full term babies. The title says it all - woo to the hoo!

Family Update!

2008-05-10T16:19:00.000-07:00

Oy vey. I was SO looking forward to today. My first Mother's Day as a MOM! But I certainly did not anticipate welcoming the day from the Emergency Room.

Yup. So last night we were both noticing that the sleep deprivation was beginning to take its toll on us. Then the little man's left eye began to swell up. It had been kicking out some gunk throughout the day, but didn't seem too scary. Once we saw the swelling, though I got scared. But at the same time, we were both so tired that we couldn't decide what to do. First we called the advice line for our pediatrician. They said we could call at 7:30 this morning to make an appointment w/ the after hours clinic. I just couldn't see how we would make it through the night worrying about his eye as it was puffing up more and more with each passing minute. He's just so tiny, it seemed like any small affliction could be major to him, you know?

On the other hand, the ER just seems like a scary pool of other people's germs. And being so tiny and underdeveloped, it seems like he'd be so susceptible to them. In the end, we had my mom stop over and she was all for us going to the ER. Part of her reasoning is that I have had a rash since the delivery that covers my ENTIRE FUCKING BODY. It itches like hell and is really vile to look at. She was worried (as was I) that somehow my rash had manifested itself in his eye. Even though I've been so vigilant about sanitizer and hand-washing, the possibility was still there.

Of course, not a single health professional who has looked at my rash has even raised an eyebrow. Apparently it's just a rash and I need to suck it up. I did get some steroids from my ob, but they're not exactly doing anything. Wah wah me right?

Anyway - back to Matty. The ER doc (SO not George Clooney - more of an extra dorky William H. Macy) said that he's got conjunctivitis. ugh. they lubed him up with some antibiotics and today the eye is 1000% better. maybe we overreacted a bit, but I'm not sure how we could have - he's a 9-day old 5 pound preemie!! Now we're just hoping that Sister Sarah doesn't end up with it, too.

So, aside from that, everything is going really well. I know we're still dealing with sleepy preemies, but they are so well-behaved! We had a couple tough nights in the hospital, with 2 hr crying fits and marathon feeding sessions, so I was a little worried we had two little monsters on our hands. But since we've been home they've been perfectly behaved! My only concern is weight gain. They aren't gaining as quickly as they should be - as of yesterday's pedi appointment Sarah is at 5lbs, 5.5oz and Matthew is 5lbs, 1oz. They've gained since leaving the hospital (she was 5.2 he was 4.15), but they'd each only gained 1/2 an ounce from the appointment the day before. We've been told to supplement a few feedings each day with some formula. I wish we didn't have to, but in a way it does take the pressure off of breastfeeding and it lets W get involved with feeding time. I love that one-on-one time, so it's only fair he gets it, too.

Breastfeeding is going ok. It's really fucking hard, but for the most part it's working! In the hospital I had a few days where I wasn't sure if it would be so "easy". At first Matthew wouldn't latch on. To get out of the NICU he had to take 10 cc's of formula. Then once in our room he wasn't so into the boob and he had to have two more bottles overnight. then the next day he was on again/off again , but now I think the spoon feeding I mentioned before is behind us. There was also the time I was feeding them together and the nipple pain was so bad that tears were streaming down my face. Since I've been home I haven't been tandem feeding as much. Not because of the pain, but because single-feeding them allows me to pay more attention to how they're eating so I can be sure they're not just hanging out, snoozing away. Tandem will be great once they're a bit older and can relatch on their own, though.

My c-section recovery feels like it's taking longer than it should. I know it was major surgery and all, but I'm dying to feel like myself again. Even though it came on so late in the game, the preeclampsia seems to have fucked me up but good. I got super swollen (amazingly even moreso!) while in the hospital, and had to be on magnesium for the 24 hrs after delivery. Then the edema cause a bit of a rash on my stomach. And then of course the full body rash, which is unrelated to the stomach one.

All this stuff I'm whining about is SO unimportant, though. When I just look at these two babies I am amazed at the love I feel for them. I feel like I've known them forever, like these two people were destined to be a part of my life. I love being able to say, "Oh, Matthew always does that head shake thing when he's latching on." or "Sarah just loves it when you rub her back." They're mine! I know them better than anyone (W and I do, that is.) It's just incredible. How lucky am I?

Of course on the flip side, the responsibility is so scary. When we were on our way to the ER I was so overwhelmed by it that I kept breaking down into tears. NOT exactly painting the picture of the confident Mommy! Luckily Matthew loves the car and was passed out, so he didn't notice my pathetic blubbering.

Ok, so enough talk - to the babies!

Sarah on the left, Matthew on the right.

Sarah curled up on W's chest at the pediatrician.

Matthew Raising the Roof!

We could really use some smaller car seats, no?

Matthew attempting to suck his thumb. He's getting better at it every day.

Form of.... BABIES!

2008-05-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

Here they are! We're going to load a bunch more pictures onto our picasa page soon, but for now this is all ya get!

Girlfriend came out at 5lbs 11oz and 19 inches and Boyfriend is 5lbs 7oz and 18.5 inches. We're doing our best at bf'ing and both kids have latched on on their own a few times. Boyfriend will latch on for a while, but mostly he likes to eat from a spoon - a habit I'm hoping he'll kick very soon, but for now if he's getting his grub on, I'm all for it. He had to spend about 3 hrs in the NICU to make sure he was breathing ok, but he was out in no time. She went straight to the nursery and was nursing with me within an hour or so of her debut and has been doing really well every since. Every 3 hours is really often. In case you didn't know...

C-section went fine. I'm starting to feel it a bit more funky this afternoon, now that the morphine has worn off, but all things considered I feel pretty good.

Ok, that's probably enough typing for now. Thanks for all the great comments!! I'll try to post when I have the Picasa link.

xoxo
E

MAYDAY!!

2008-05-01T13:55:00.001-07:00

Today's nonstress test has provided me with a bit of stress in the form of pre eclampsia. It's a minor case but I'm far enough along that the Wonder Twins are activating today!

C-section will be around 3:30, aka 90 short minutes from now!!!!

Pictures to follow, probably tomorrow.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

Is anyone still out there?

2008-04-25T18:59:00.000-07:00

Wow - long time no post! Even though I'm not yet full term, there is a part of me that would love this post to have been delayed by some baby-havin'. Oh well - I guess it's all for the best that these lil punks are dead set on taking full advantage of their current lodgings. They fucking love it up in here! And now that I'm done with work they may never want to leave. This week has been very chill - all about playing Scrabulous, catching up on tivo, reading and generally relaxing. I have thrown in a small amount of "nesting," but that's really just me cleaning up the horrid mess that I've made in the babies' room. It's shocking, though, how quickly I get tired! Also at my most recent ob appointment, I noticed that the street we always park on is a bit downhill from the office. I guess I always thought it was flat, but yesterday by the time I got to the corner I felt like I'd summited Everest! Oh the huffing and puffing...

Speaking of my appointment, my c-section has been rescheduled from 5/9 to 5/15. In my previous post I said that "my" doc suggested 5/12, but it was in fact another doctor in the practice. Please pardon the fib; it just didn't seem that important at the time. Then it was the scheduling nurse who went with the 9th when the 12th and 14th were full. Once my actual OB got wind of it, he decided to move it back because he wants to wait until I'm a full 38 weeks. So the 15th at 5pm is what we've got now and I'll be 38w4d and SO FUCKING READY! I'm hoping for something to open up on the 12th or 14th, mostly because the time of day of the current one kinda sucks. W and I were just saying how hard it will be to fall asleep the night before what was then a 10 am c-section. We described the range of excitement as being akin to Christmas morning. Then it was Christmas morning times 2. Then it was "exponentially better" than Christmas morning and then all of a sudden it was 11 at night and we're trying to figure out what the Twin Factorial of Christmas morning would be. DORKS! But now all that's out the window and we get to spend an entire DAY sitting around waiting for the littles to arrive. Madness!

I've started weekly nonstress tests, which are actually quite nice. The staff is very cheery and I get to lie in a pretty comfy bed and listen to my babies heartbeats for peaceful 30 minutes, give or take. I had my first one last Friday afternoon, which happened to be my last day of work, and I was having contractions like crazy. None that felt too major, but they were quite frequent. At today's test, after a week of chilling in my new recliner, there was just one teeny one. I guess this resting stuff works! My blood pressure had gone up a bit last week., but now it's down to 120/70. Can't complain about that.

Life is uncomfortable, but I really don't have much to whine about. Here's my list of non-complaints. :)

I'm huge (63 pounds gained - it's all in my legs, I swear*)
I have to pee so often that it's BEYOND cliche
My little girl continues to burrow into my back at around 3 am every morning. OUCH.
My right hand is pretty useless. I can't squeeze or hold onto much of anything with it.
I'm starving all the time. Constantly.
Except when I'm so full I could burst. Violently.
I find it hard at times to sit up at all because the little man is exploring the upper regions of my ribs.

So, you see? Nothing earth shattering. But I'm definitely ready for the next part of this adventure. But first...I gotta pee.

*Seriously, my legs are full of fluid. When the girl burrows in, I find it helpful to hang out on my hands and knees for a bit. Well, lately I've noticed that there's this extra layer of cushioning on the front half of my shins. It's FLUID! EW!

And the countdown begins

2008-04-10T13:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I tried to schedule for 5/14 as planned, but it's booked. As is 5/12, which is what my doctor suggested (and is also the anniversary of when W proposed!). So now I'm scheduled for May 9th at 10am! Which is less than one frickin' month away!!!

Insanity.

In other news, I was at BRU yesterday returning some stuff we don't need for some stuff we do, and when I was at the register, the manager offered me a deal on some diapers that had been returned. They were out of the box, but still in the wrappers. 192 dipes for $15!! I don't know how much diapers cost, but I knew that was a steal! It was kind of weird, though. Buying baby stuff like boppies and blankets is one thing, but DIAPERS? Moms buy those.

Also, I wanted to change my countdown thing to reflect the c-section date, but for some reason I can't find link to edit my Blogger Template/Layout. Anyone??

33 week update

2008-04-08T12:24:00.000-07:00

I suck at titles these days. Anyhoo - we had an ultrasound this morning and things are looking really good in there! Our girl is 4 lbs, 7 oz and the little man is 4 lbs, 4 oz. That's like real live baby-sized! Smallish, but still! They have been holding tight in the same positions for the past two months (she's breech and he's transverse) so I'm not holding out too much hope for a vaginal delivery, but you never know! I've been getting (and googling) advice on how to encourage her to turn, so hopefully something will work. Otherwise, we're looking at 5/14 for a scheduled c-section. I should probably make sure my doctor's going to be around then, but assuming he is, we like that date. I'll be 38.5 weeks at that point and probably ready to burst. My cervix measured 4.5cm today, so I feel as confident as I can (for a total pregnancy rube) that I should be able to hang on til week 39.

We finally got a wee glimpse of the little man's face. Here he is all squnched up, apparently sucking on his knee. Clearly he's more flexible than either of his parents! For those who find r0rschach tests easier to decipher than these ultrasound pics (like me), he is giving us a profile shot, with his head on the far right of the picture. You can see his eye socket, a (kind of gigantic) schnozz, and his puffy cheek, and then his leg is the curved thing w/ the knee right near his mouth. The tech also said she could see that he's got some hair. We couldn't make that out, though. I honestly think they just make shit up at these appointments. I know she's a trained technician and all that, but how does she identify these blobs so quickly?? Ok, here he is...MY BLOB:

Even though it's been uncomfortable at times (like most of the time) and I'm ready to move on to the next phase, pregnancy has provided W and I with some funny moments. For instance, this morning before our u/s, just parking the car made for a bit o'hilarity. There was a huge cement column between me and the next car and for a few moments I thought I might be trapped on the wrong side of things. I had to hold on and squish in my belly to squeeze between the car and the column. W was just laughing hysterically, as there was nothing he could do. There was no space in front of the car to get around either. I suppose I could have gotten in the back seat and slid across, but with my 50+ pounds gained (yeah, baby!) the scooting would have been no easy feat. I dissolved into such a fit of laughter, that of course I started snorting, which echoed throughout the garage. Classy.

One weird thing was that I had a little spotting after the cervix check. My ob nurse said that it's just because of the wand. It hasn't happened before, so it's definitely a little concerning, but it's tapering off, and I have an ob appointment tomorrow, so I'm trying not to worry about it. I know there's still that polyp there, so I will just assume that it got irritated.

I also have my mid-week day off tomorrow, which I'm very excited about. Last week's was so lovely. I just hung out all by my lonesome. That is the best, isn't it? I mean, not all the time, but on occasion just being alone is so great. I actually am a little worried about the fact that it will be a long, long time before I get a day all to myself. Of course, one might point out that I DID ask for this influx of permanent company and I totally agree! I'm so excited, but parenthood definitely does come with sacrifices and that's going to be a big one for me.

In other exciting work news, I think we found the temp who will replace me. I will feel lots better about that, and will be able to bow out gracefully at the end of next week. Actually, probably more like Monday, 4/21, because we have a big event that day and I don't want the poor temp to be overwhelmed. I do feel kind of bad perpetuating this myth that I'm coming back, but I don't have much choice since I'd like to take advantage of the short term disability and all that.

I had another enlightening observation to make, but alas, it has escaped me. I guess typing a bunch of boring shit tends to erase all the important thoughts from ones head. Damn.

Update: As I sit here on the couch needing to pee for the 47th time and dreadfully sad about how difficult it is to extract myself from this godforsaken piece of shit, I am cruising Jezebel and found this. For a mere $13??? I'm seriously considering it...

You give a guy an inch!

2008-03-31T20:06:00.000-07:00

I told W that it was ok if he was grossed out by my cankles. He can't be appalled by my many chins, my fat thighs, or my generally increased girth, but the cankles are fair game. I mean, they really are aesthetically heinous and they're occasionally cartoonish in shape and size. So I had to laugh when today after work I revealed the beasts only to hear,

"Holy shit! Your cankles have cankles!"

Frankly he's right. They were extra-specially ugly today. All lumpy and stuff.

Other than that, things are still going pretty well. I can feel some serious growth, though. And I'm definitely getting more uncomfortable on a daily basis. I can't remember if I mentioned this already, but my doctor said my last day of work should be at 36 weeks, which is 4/25. He also said that he'd be surprised if I make it that far. On one hand I agree, because my clothes and shoes don't fit at all and getting comfortable at my desk is really hard, but then on the other hand what the hell would I do at home? I hate my couch right now, because whenever I'm home I'm on it. We did buy a rocker/recliner this weekend, but it won't come in until mid-April sometime. Maybe that will be the sign for me to quit work. When I have a big, fat lazyboy to sit in. Not that we got a lazy boy. It's from Macy's and not so big and fat. Super comfy, though.

I guess being home would afford me lots of time to clean the house. It's been sinking into a bit of a state lately. If I were home, I could tackle it room by room. I guess I'll just take it week by week for now. I did have a big plan of taking off a day each week to prolong my work life, but it hasn't worked out for the past 2 weeks, and in fact, I've been working long hours, including one 12-hour day from hell last Thursday. That was rough. I'm hoping to have tomorrow off. Cross your fingers!

I've reached the 32 week milestone, which I understand is a big one, but I can't find any info on exactly why. Anyone? So in between g00gle searches for the answer to that, I spend my time waiting for my belly button to pop. It gets a little closer every day, and when I laugh it pops in and out a little bit. (Video of this ridiculousness to follow). However, I'm pretty certain there's another part of me that's apparently (and quite unfortunately) going to be an "outie" long before my belly button is. Any guesses?

No words

2008-03-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

Please go support Busted. What is wrong with this world?

31 Weeks.

2008-03-23T16:40:00.000-07:00

When we moved to Mar1n County, there was definitely a big part of me that hated leaving the City, especially my beloved neighborhood, the Mission. So much good food, easy public transportation, the "cool factor" and did I mention the food? One thing I knew I wouldn't miss, however, is pigeons. Ick. Ever since I was attached by a flock of them at the SF Zoo as an 8 year old (they wanted my hot dog) I've had a healthy disdain for most birds and especially pigeons.

But now I'm sitting here on my lovely deck and what do I see? Well, here, see for yourself...

A PIGEON!

Right above my feet there. And sorry to subject you to those suckers again, but I just didn't feel like taking them off the comfy pillow just for the picture. There are actually 3 of the nasty things flying about and it's starting to make me think about heading down to the R0d & Gun Club to see about a bb gun. Of course I doubt that there's a R0d & Gun Club in Mar1n, and I've got shitty aim, so that's probably a bad idea. I'd probably hit one of the guys across the way having the bbq with the crappy music. Hmmm.....now I'm starting to rethink the idea...

Anyway, don't worry. I hate guns. And I'm lazy. So I'm not going anywhere. I just needed to vent about my annoyance at these obvious city dwellers invading my tranquil suburbia.

Oh jesus. Now my neighbor is out on her upstairs deck with her feral-looking shelter cat. It looks like it would like nothing better than to jump down onto me and claw my eyes out. I thought I was just going outside to blog and enjoy the view and now it's like Wild Fucking Kingdom out here!

Ok, so my little lady just kicked my cervix in sort of a "This blog is about us!" kind of way. Just a second, kiddo! Because first, I have to direct our kind readers to go see the Stickies. They have arrived!!! And they are insanely gorgeous. Congrats to the whole Sticky Family!

Alrighty then! To the Wonder Twins. I am 31 weeks today, which is so cool and so crazy. I can't believe it's already been over a month since I had the weird bout of contractions. I have barely felt any since then, and I've been feeling exceptionally good. SURE, my feet swell up toward the end of the day and SURE I fit in absolutely nothing but tent dresses and SURE I get violent attacks of reflux that leave me gagging and vomurping. But seriously, I am amazed at how good I feel. Just yesterday W and I took the dog up for a nice walk, probably about 2 miles, and then I came home and went swimming. We ran a few other errands, and then watched basketball. I even made dinner! I've been slacking in the cooking department lately, but since it was W's last night in town for a while, I thought he deserved it.

He's off to New York for the week for work. He'll get to hang out with my brother while he's there, so that's cool, but a week is a long time! I always kind of enjoy it when I get a night or two to myself, but a whole week? That's a lot. Aside from fetching me things, he's very helpful with calming my mini-freakouts. I have them from time to time about this whole parenting/twins business.

For instance, last week we had a breastfeeding class. Each couple got a doll to use so that we could practice positioning. The instructor gave me a 2nd doll and when I was trying to hold onto both of them it just wasn't working and I started to hyperventilate a bit. Just having W there to make me laugh a little bit helped diffuse the situation, but still! So scary. Of course it didn't help that the dolls were so disgusting that they reminded me of something an evil MIL would send as a shower gift. And the second doll she gave me had this most menacing Chuckie sort of look happening. He scared me. There were other women in the class clutching those dolls more tightly than if they were the babies themselves. Is it bad that I just set mine on the chair in front of me? They were seriously SO dirty that I was grossed out. I felt better when I saw that the couple next to us had laid theirs face down on the floor. I got the impression that the "clutchers" thought that their skills as a mother would be determined by how lovingly they held onto a dingy classroom prop.

So...not much else to report from here. The pigeons are still swirling.

Oh, here's my gut.

I had an ob appointment on Friday and I only measured 30 weeks, despite being closer to 31 and having measured 36 weeks at my previous appointment. I guess baby positioning and twins can really fuck with the measurement. I have felt them get way huger in the past week or so - their presence is just so much more obvious - so I'm not worried by the weird measurements, but I was freakishly hoping to be way over 40 weeks. I don't know why exactly. The doctor did say that my stomach looked "very big," however. I haven't had time to got to w.ebmd to look up that oh-so-technical term, but I'll just take it to mean things are as they should be...

Ok, really this time. Nothing else to say. Except that I don't want to go to work tomorrow... Kinda goes without saying, though, doesn't it?

Pretty, Pretty!

2008-03-11T16:07:00.000-07:00

I wish I had a before, but all I've got is this after:

Yeah. That's my foot. YOWZA, right?

Last week it was my left foot that would get more swollen, now it's the right. I'm such an equal opportunity cankle-ist!

So, aside from hideous disfigurement, all's well in Wonder Twinville. My ob was very pleased with the lack of contractions (no meds needed since last week) and he said it wasn't even worth doing another ffn. Basically his argument was that even if it was positive they wouldn't do anything about it unless I started having more contractions again, so it could only serve to worry me. Since I worried even with the negative result, I figured I'd take his advice and skip the test this time 'round. I measured 36 weeks at the appt (I was 28w5d) and both babies hb's sounded great. After they brought in the giant cattle-weighing scale, I discovered I'm now up 42 mofo pounds. Holy crap. Although my right foot probably weighs a good 10 pounds all on its own.

Then we had an u/s on Monday. W wasn't able to be there, but my mom came - she was so excited. Neither baby would show their face, but she loved hearing the heartbeats, seeing all their parts and CONSTANTLY asking the tech, "Oh, now that's a cute little face, right?" To which the tech had to answer: "Um no, ma'am, that's his kidneys/femur/placenta" She wanted to see a face so badly! They checked my cervix and all that showed up on the screen was:

And there was much rejoicing. It's measuring over 4 cm. and is apparently suffering no ill effects from the repeated beatings its getting from my dainty little girl. She's moved around so she's sitting right on my cervix, with her head up in my right ribs. She weighs 2 lbs 15 oz and her brother has his head right next to hers, with his body kind of sideways off to my left. Hopefully she'll flip, because as Baby A, she's got to be head down for us to try a vag birth. My doctor is totally open to repositioning the lil man once she's out, especially since he's a bit smaller than her, at 2 lbs 12 oz. I was really happy to hear that.

My stepsisters gave me a shower on Sunday and it was so lovely. One of them lives in Stinson Beach and we had THE most incredible day. Here's a picture that gives you the feel of the afternoon.

And now, here's a picture that gives you the feel of my MIL's gift. Also incredible, but in a different way.

So if you're sitting there saying, NO, that couldn't possibly be a stained, homemade Cabbage P.atch doll, I'm sorry, but you're wrong! And if you're thinking, well, it was probably the only stained/used/otherwise vile stuffed animal or burp rag in the box, well - wrong again.

She really and truly sent her grandchildren-to-be a box of stained, nasty, smelly old stuffed animals and burp rags, NONE of which W remembers as being his as a child. That might have excused some part of this unfathomable idea. He thinks one belonged to his sister, but the rest are totally unfamiliar. And did I mention GROSS? They smell bad, they look bad and they are going in the dumpster. I have no clue what to write in a thank you note. She didn't include a note in her package, so I'm going to comb Google to see if that exempts me from my thank you note duties. What do I say? "Thanks for the rubbish"? "Glad I could help with your mold abatement program"?

So odd. I felt so bad for W, because she just HAD to send it to the shower where everyone else brought these beautifully wrapped new and pleasantly non-smelly gifts for the babies. Why expose everyone else to her madness. If she really thinks that it's nice to pass on these relics, then why not just send them to our house? The box, by the way was a good 2' x 2', so there are like 25+ sad little stuffed animals that are destined for the dump. Poor things. I'm sure they made some kid happy one day.

JESUS! I thought I was just going to post the cankle and a speedy quip about its nastiness! Guess I had a bit to say!

I Thought I Was Done with the 2WW

2008-03-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

My first 2ww in a long time is just about over. The post-ffn two week window will be closing tomorrow. Luckily I've got an OB appointment in the morning and I assume he'll do another ffn test, which will of course be negative once again and I'll get another 2 weeks of supposed relief. We also have an ultrasound on Monday. I invited my mom to come along and she is SO excited.

Despite the fact that my doctor and all the nurses swear by the reliability of the ffn, it really didn't stop me from worrying. I mean, why believe years and years of scientific research when you can just look inside yourself and freak the fuck out? Despite the mental anguish, I've been doing pretty well as far as contractions go. I do get more as the work days and weeks go on. Yesterday afternoon I was having them pretty much every time I stood up. Probably not the best sign. But I took the speed... uh, terb... and then spent the evening prone on the couch and was ok for the rest of the night. Holy reality marathon - American Id0l, Su.pernanny and then Project Run.way!

Best moment of AI, by the way? During one of the performances me thinking to myself, "Who is this girl?" and then Simon telling her that her biggest problem is her "massive lack of personality." YEEEOUCH! True though. Seriously.

I'm very interested to see what my doctor has to say tomorrow about me continuing to work. Even two weeks ago he was kind of frowny on the whole idea. I think I could be VERY easily convinced to give it up. Probably too easily, but honestly, why do this when I could be at home protecting the Wonder Twins. They're not expected to be at the Hall of Justice for nearly 3 more months, so whatever I can do to help them arrive on time, and not too early is a good thing. Nobody likes an overeager superhero anyway. I'm very lucky in that I would receive short term disability at 70% of my salary. Given the price of lunch in SF, it would be practically even! So we'll see how things go tomorrow. I've been trying to limit my work activity, but it's much harder than I imagined.

Each of the past two weeks I've been almost entirely contraction-free from Sunday to Wednesday, and then on both Wednesday afternoons I have started to get them. Yesterday's flurry was probably not so good. We'll see what today brings. I'm taking a PTO day tomorrow after my appointment. It should be restful, but for some reason I offered to have my mom, stepdad, and aunt and uncle over for dinner tomorrow night and my mom agreed! The aunt and uncle are visiting from New York, so it will be great to see them, but I'm not sure why this couldn't happen at a restaurant. Stupid! Stupid!! Stupid!!!

Ok - a couple other random things.

We finished their room last weekend. All I'm waiting for is the matching crib skirt to be shipped from Tar.get and I might try to make a little throw rug with this bit of extra faux fur I've got. We'll see if I get to that. But for now, we're done! (Bragging alert - I made the curtains. They are so freakin' cute. Yellow fleece with green polka dot ribbon tabs. The fleece is so soft and babyish! I heart them a lot. I only just learned how to sew, but I really like it.)

YES...those decals are the very same ones that Watson used. It's just a coincidence, I swear!! What you can't see is the changing table. It happened to be covered in debris from the decal application. I should go clean that up, huh?

As you may know, my boss and his wife are having twins as well - two boys for them. Firstly, she cried on the exam table when the ultrasound tech told them it was two boys. So sad. Apparently she's almost over it. She might want to hurry up that getting over it business because she's only a week behind me. Anyhoo... he'd shared some names with me. While not my particular taste, they were perfectly fine names. But then we went to lunch the other day and he said they were considering Trey and Troy. We had JUST the other day been laughing over a co-workers friend who is naming her twins Derrick and Erik. Fine names on their own, but...WHAT?????? So, I thought for sure he was fooling me with Trey and Troy. Little life lesson here. (One which I already knew, but clearly need refreshing on.) When people tell you the names they've chosen for their children you nod and smile. That's it. Do not say, "Ha! Yeah, right!" Because they might not be joking. So I tried (pathetically) to cover for myself by saying, "Well at least it's not as bad as Erik and Derrick." And he asks why. I respond that they're marginally better because they don't rhyme. He counters that they do in fact rhyme. Trey and Troy. He even said it several times to demonstrate their rhymingitude. So I tried to explain the difference between alliteration and rhyming. Sadly, it was lost on him. LUCKILY he mentioned the names to another co-worker and she outright told him they suck together. One of them is fine, but together? Ew. I think he's starting to get it. He might still think they rhyme, though.

Ok, one final note. I have a cousin who's about 10 years older than I am. His wife doesn't get along with his parents that well, so they tend to stay in LA for the most part, so I haven't really seen him much since I was in high school. He was at my wedding, but do you really talk to people at your wedding? It was such a blur. So, anyway, after several IVF cycles, they finally had a baby in November with a surrogate. I'd been remiss in my Congrats to him, so I just sent him an email saying how cute all the pics I've seen are and yay you guys and all that. He wrote back and I had to share what he said about parenthood because it's awesome:

"Parenthood is more amazing than I imagined. People talk about the work and responsibility of having a child and that's what always stuck with me...but it's this incredibly indulgent pleasure. I feel like I get way more out of it than I could possibly give. It's like waking up to a miracle every day."

Quick Update

2008-02-25T13:45:00.000-08:00

Everything's been pretty quiet. On Saturday we ended up going to visit some friends and their 1-week old baby. I just laid on their couch, so it was pretty much just like being at home. All was well there until about 6:00 while we were playing Super Scrab.ble. (Love it!) Because I was sitting upright, gravity caused more of the clunking on my cervix, and soon enough I had a mad bout of contractions. They were coming fast and furious and were damn scary. I popped some terb and we hightailed it home. It took a while, but eventually they stopped. I called L&D anyway, and the nurse was so reassuring. She said that passing the f.fn was huge, and that I will be contracting a lot and should get used to it, and she ok'd me to take some terb before bed, even though my doc told me to take it with contractions. She also said NOT to take it if my pulse was over 110, which NO ONE else had told me, so that was certainly good information!

Since then, I've been ok. I did absolutely nothing yesterday except drink water and pee. We decided to skip our Newborn Care class just to be on the safe side. I'm at work today and so far things have been fine. No contractions (that I can feel, anyway). I was worried that sitting up at my desk would bring on more of the cervix stomping, but it's been very mild so far.

So, for now, a sigh of relief. I was convinced that I would show up to work and start contracting like crazy and then be doomed to my bed for the next 10 weeks. I know I could do it, and would do it for the sake of the W0nder Twins, but I'm sure it it goes without saying that I REALLY don't want to.

Some excitement I didn't need

2008-02-22T17:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday on my way to work I felt what seemed like the little lady trying to escape. Or at least she was trying to thump me some kind of message. It felt weird. Not painful, just weird. I swear when I went to the bathroom I though she and I might have a little tug-o-war with the tp. I had meetings all morning, but at around noon I called my OB. I continued to feel the escape antics, but didn't really feel anything else throughout the day. I got a call back at 5:10. (Just long enough for me to well and truly freak out, of course.)

He said the feeling was pretty normal and was probably due to fetal position. But he added that if I felt any contractions, peed more often or noted any discharge overnight that I should come in today for a check up. I could only feel the contractions if I had my hand on my stomach, but they did seem to be happening. I also went to the bathroom a lot more than normal overnight, but I think a lot of that had to do with my general nerves. I couldn't fall into a good sleep, so every time I woke up I figured, why not pee?

ANYway...this morning I went in to my OB at 11. He did a fetal fibr0nectin test, manually checked my cervix (closed, but slightly soft) and then sent me down to L&D for some monitoring. I ended up being there for about 4 hours. I had quite a few contractions while on the monitor, but when my lovely nurse gave me a shot of hellfire...uh, I mean terbutaline, they stopped pretty immediately. Seriously, though, I never feel it when nurses say a shot is going to burn or sting, but this one? Felt like she administered it with a flamethrower! Incredibly quick and encouraging results, though, and the burning stopped pretty soon.

Thank god I had a book with me. I might have died of boredom otherwise. I also had a chance to sample the hospital fare and I have to give my Tuscan Chicken sammie an enthusiastic thumbs up! Of course I would have enjoyed gnawing on a piece of cardboard by the time they brought it to me.

Finally the nurse let me know that the fFN was negative, which is great news. She also gave me a presciption for more hellfire, but I assume that taking it in pill form doesn't result in the same burning. I hope so anyway! I'm to take it if I feel more than 6 contractions in an hour. The nurse said she'd take one if she felt 3 in 30 minutes. I like her assertiveness! If they don't go away over the weekend then my doc wants to take me out of work for the duration. He asked me to take it easy this weekend, but said I could go to our Newborn Care class on Sunday. I've loaded myself up with trashy magazines, so I'm ready to couch surf for the rest of the time.

I had a little talk with the babes last night explaining that it's just not time for them yet and urging them to hang on for a few more weeks anyway. I hope the teary breakdown I had while I was talking to them sufficiently demonstrated my lack of readiness and discouraged them from any further escape attempts.

Boundaries? What boundaries?

2008-02-20T15:54:00.000-08:00

While I get the general excitement that people seem to feel about OPP's (Other People's Pregnancies) I will just never understand why or how it leads them to become so incredibly inappropriate. Two examples from the last hour here at work:

1. I'm standing at my boss' desk. One of his peers, who is generally pretty funny but not particularly appropriate, comes up and says, "Hey (E's Boss), if you stand next to her (me), you don't see those extra pounds at all."

Ohhh...I get it. I'm pregnant, so I'm fat! Har dee fuckin' har. Shut it, chump. He tried to make up for it saying, "But I was trying to say that (your boss) is fat!" I guess he didn't realize that he implied that if my boss is fat, I'm Orca.

Fool.

2. I'm at my desk, surrounded by the two players from above, plus the Operations Manager for the entire West Region. We're talking babies (remember my boss' wife is having twins as well) and comparing weights and progress, etc. and my boss decides to ask me - in this group setting - "How's your cervix?"

Well, hopefully it's not shy! Jesus! It's good that at this point all of my reproductive organs have become mere tools to me. I actually keep them out in the garage in my handy Craftsman Cooter Container.

I know this dilemma will never be solved. People will rub bellies uninvited, ask about, point out, or greatly exaggerate weight gain, and turn genitals into everyday conversation fodder, as long as the subject is a pregnant lady. If only somewhere, sometime the "miracle of birth" will be accompanied by the "miracle of decorum." I'm not counting on it, though.

Holy Cheek

2008-02-13T14:30:00.000-08:00

Great scan this morning. Man, I love these kids! The boy weighs 1 pound, 10 ounces and the girl is already hating her skinny brother - she’s a portly 1 lb, 12 oz. They're All Stars!

So, the little man was apparently having a bad hair day or something because he wasn’t into having his picture taken. Or maybe he’s waiting for the big “reveal” in May. Here’s a picture of him from the back.

The little lady was shy at first, too, but eventually she rolled over and gave us these two shots. Can ya stand it? She looks pretty peaceful for a Kung Fu master, no? But believe me, they both can kick and punch like nobody’s business.

I swear I've spent 95% of my workday looking at the picture on the right. Her cheek! I need to pinch it.

And here’s a great one of the two of them practicing their secret language.

Adorableness aside, the pregnancy continues to look really good! I’ve been so lucky. All the fluid levels are on track and my cervix measured at 4 cm so I don’t have to go back for another four weeks.

There is great debate at my work about whether or not I look big. According to people who’ve never had kids, like for instance the IT guy, I’m HUGE, but if you ask a mom they tend to say I’m not at all. I think I believe those with experience. Of course, I’d probably just believe whichever group thought I was smallest, right?

Quick question. Is this really happening to me? Do I really have two seemingly perfect babies? It is so insane. The invitation to the shower my SIL is having for me came last night and it made mention of my "son and daughter." Those are big words. "Baby" seems doable. Even "Babies" seems alright. Son and Daughter? Those throw me for a loop.

Woo to the Sugar Lovin' Hoo

2008-02-11T15:31:00.000-08:00

I passed my glucose test "with flying colors," according to the nurse. Phew. I'm not a total sugar fiend, but over the weekend I did start to think about all the tasty things I'd miss. Like peanut butter cup ice cream. And chocolate chip ice cream. And m00se tracks ice cream... Ok, so anyway, it's a good thing.

We had a great weekend; well I did, anyway. W had to work on Saturday and then fly to Toronto on Sunday for work. But Bella and I took advantage of the great weather to go to the beach and enjoy the sunshine. I also ran a bajillion unnecessary errands because I wanted to drive the new car. I felt a little bad about wasting the gas, but I couldn't help myself. I'm chalking it up to learning the car, which actually isn't a bad idea, because it is a helluva lot bigger than our GTI. I found this crib bedding at Targ3t. It's really cute in person and the sheets are supersoft. It's been hard to find truly unisex bedding, so I was psyched to find this - and on sale even!

Luckily in W's scarce downtime we were able to go meet Watson, Be-Bop and their twins! Ok - babies first... They are so sweet! I don't know if she drugged them or what, but they were downright perfect while we were there. Of course that's always how it goes, right? I got to hold Parker and she's the pink-cheekiest lil lady I ever did see. As BeBop pointed out, Jax really looks like a boy and she about screams GRRRL! Even though just like her brother, she does burp like a frat boy. It's impressive, let me tell you.

Watson and BeBop are just so nice. We loved getting to know them. They had a whole pile of hand-me-downs for us including clothes, bf supplies and a huge shopping bag full of tiny diapers. It was so great. It's hard to believe that P & J are so big that they're growing out of stuff already! They (uh...not the babies) were both able to give us lots of advice, answering questions that W and I would never even have known to ask. I'm sure we'll be going back for more info from them very soon.

Two days til my ultrasound. I feel like it's been a long time since the last one - probably because they didn't give us any pictures. I'll be sure to be demanding them this time around. The babies seem good. They're kicking away like nobody's business. When W is around, I feel like I should tell him when they're kicking so he can feel it, so I have to admit I'm a little excited that he's gone for the next 2 nights so I can have them all to myself. Sorry honey!

Lame-O

2008-02-08T11:11:00.000-08:00

First things first, I had an OB appointment this morning and all went well. I'm pushing 30lbs of weight gain right now, most of which appears to be in my thighs and the backs of my ankles. 30 seems downright shocking, but I'm not that (much) huge(r than normal) and I've been eating pretty healthily (nightly bowl of ice cream notwithstanding), so I'm trying not to worry about it too much. The babies were very cooperative and their heartbeats were audible right away. They're 148 and 154 , so within the normal range and different enough for my doctor to be sure that he got both bambinos.

I also had my 1 hour gluc0se screening today. The drink was so much more palatable than I thought it would be! Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly hankering for another one, but it wasn't so horrible. It was cold, which made it way easier to get through. I won't get my results until Monday. Is it wrong to consider eating nothing but carbs and sugar until then? I know. It's wrong. And kind of gross. I won't do it, I promise.

U/S on the 13th - woo hoo! Can it really be true that on Sunday I will be 25 weeks pregnant? I am so very lucky.

So, yesterday Sticky Bun posted about the great news of her SIL's success on her first cl0mid/iui. Coincidentally, my very good friend is also pregnant from her first cl0mid/iui. Her betas are pretty sky high - 782 at 16dpo - and now she's almost 6 weeks along. Can you imagine if she got twins, too? I mean it does seem a bit likely, given that number. She kind of told me her day 18 number, saying it was in the 1400's but I didn't want to seem like a freak, so I didn't press her for the exact number. It was hard though! (Her first beta was taken in the afternoon and the 2nd was early in the morning, so especially without the 2nd number, I have no idea how to start calculating doubling times. She's damn close, though...) Anyway, however many babies there are in there, I think it's the most fabulous news ever.

But...

Would I feel even slightly happy for her if I wasn't pregnant myself? No. I know I wouldn't. I'd be spitting nails and would be posting a post full of venom and snark. It's probably dumb to be beating myself up for feelings I might have if things were different, but I feel like a jerk. To know that I probably wouldn't have been able to put aside my jealousy to be truly happy for my friend? That's kind of lame.

Our new addition

2008-02-05T10:39:00.000-08:00

A couple of commenters asked about our car shopping, so I'll take that as an opportunity to show off my new ride! We had done some research online about cars and were a little all over the map with thoughts including the Pas$at wagon, a H0nda CR.V and possibly the new Nis$an R0gue. I'm not a huge car person and have gone long periods of time without a car in my life. 1994 - 2002 for instance. Then when we moved out here from NH in '06 we gave our Cher0kee to W's sister and have been doing just fine with one car since then.

ANYWAY...on New Year's Eve we went to the local H0nda dealership in search of a CR.V. For fun we decided to drive a Pil0t first. It was a beautiful color, slate blueish, and as a 2005, was a bit of a bargain. I effing loved it. It drove like a regular car, but there is a buttload of room and it seats 8. Then we drove a CR.V.

This is a lot like the time that I went in to buy our wedding bands. I was dead set on getting a plain platinum band for myself. I just knew I wasn't the type to want all kinds of bling on my fingers. Apparently the jewelery store man knew me a bit better than I knew myself. He tells me I've got to try on a band with diamonds first. "You need to be able to wear it alone," was his helpful advice. Of course I loved it. But, in my attempt to save money for margaritas on our honeymoon, I decided I should really look at the plain bands. When I put it on it just looked so sad. No sparkle. No shine. No contest. I went with the diamondy one.*

So, yeah, driving the CR.V after the Pil0t was a lot like that experience. I do think our decision was valid, though. The Pil0t will seat way more people, drives better and is a quieter ride.

Amazingly we didn't just buy it that day. We are total suckers for immediate gratification and have bought almost everything we own on trips to "Just Look." But somehow we resisted that day and it paid off! I was checking the dealer's website the other day and saw that the very same car had been priced to sell because of high inventory - Thank you shitty economy! We ended up getting it for below wholesale and at 3.9% financing. Rock on! Here it is right outside our house.

I should point out that we did consider the 0dyssey for a bit. Practically I can see the argument for it, but we're not ready yet. We just left the City for the 'burbs. We can't buy a minivan, too! No, that wasn't our (entire) basis for decision. And I'm sure it will be our next car. One major consideration was the lack of 4wd. Although we live in the Bay Area, we want to go to Tah0e as much as possible and the 4wd will be great to have. Hopefully we can keep the Pil0t forever and make it our Tah0e car.

*I was also charged with choosing W's wedding band that day. I saw this perfect one made of titanium, which I knew he'd love. It was only about $170, so I was a little worried that he'd think I was making him get a cheapo so that I could get my blinged out one, but he was so happy with his ring that he didn't seem to care. Woo hoo!

Gotta go vote! Go Huckabee!

Psych.

Alive and Kickin

2008-01-31T17:00:00.001-08:00

**UPDATE - ME is apparently in labor and it is too soon for this to be even remotely a good thing. This is so unfair.

That is, I’m alive and the babies are kickin’. It has been so long since my last post – madness! Part of it, I must say, is that this pregnancy is pretty letter-perfect so far and there is some seriously unfair shit going on out there with AMS, Alexa and ME just to name a few. it felt weird to be posting my happy happy la la bullshit while they're going through hell. Please send your thoughts their way if you haven’t already.

I do want to have this to look back to as a journal of sorts, so away we go. Firstly, my east coast shower was this past weekend just outside Boston and it was so incredibly fun. I will have to post some of the outfits we got because they’re just too cute. I didn’t really imagine there would be so many stylin' options for matching/coordinating boy/girl twins, but my friends were able to find them! I arrived in Boston on Thursday and took the T home with my friend’s husband. Unfortunately by the time I got there, their 5 month old baby was asleep, but the next morning I got to meet her and she is so gorgeous. And fun! She just smiles all the time and hops around in her jumper. Friday we did a little shopping, got pedicures and hung out with the baby. Can’t ask for much more than that, right? Then Saturday was the shower. All my Boston friends were there and it was so great to see everyone. Then, as I went to the buffet for my 22^nd slab of frittata, I looked out the window and saw my brother! He lives in Manhattan and I never expected him to be there. He’d grabbed a ride with my aunt, my cousin (who married us) and her family. They all live just north of NYC. I couldn’t believe it! I cried. How could I help it? Of course I should just realize that my brother would go to any length to be in a room full of women. In addition to holding court with the ladies, he kicked ass at the “name the melted candy bar in the diaper” game.

All my flights to and fro were right on time, and I shudder to think how tired and uncomfortable I would have been had there been any sort of delay. Flying was not all that fun, especially with my restless legs. On the way there I had aisle seats, but on the way back I changed my flight at the last second, so I was stuck in middle seats on both legs. The first was fine because the woman in the aisle seat got up a lot, but the second leg was rough. I was pinned between two champion plane sleepers. I had to shake the bejesus out of the guy on the aisle to wake him up. It was either that or piss myself and I'm pretty sure I made the right decision.

Speaking of peeing. I pee about 4,397 times a day. I take a sip of water, and ten seconds later, I'm off to the loo. But lately I have been sleeping through the night without peeing! I guess this is a good thing, but it's also weird, right?

The other day W took a look at me and said oh-so matter-of-factly, "You're large." Large. That's nice, thanks honey. Here’s the latest belly shot. (Sounds like something they serve at Coy0te Ugly – heh.) I was 23w2d. I'm wearing a size 12 non-maternity faux wrap dress, which is maybe getting a little indecent in it's tightness, but I won't let that stop me!

Other than getting bigger and noticing more and more swelling in my feet, I’m doing really well. The heartburn is only occasional and I sleep like the dead. In fact, my friend’s baby was teething while I was staying with them and apparently (I have to say apparently because as far as I know they could have been making it up) she was up screaming all night every night. Did I hear any of this? No, not really. A few whimpers here and there, but I easily rolled over and fell back to sleep. I sure I hope I hear it when it’s my kids! I highly doubt you’re supposed to start CIO right from birth. I think I’ll be more alert when the spawn is mine. Here’s hoping, anyway.

I’ve got an ob appointment next Friday and another ultrasound on 2/13. I can’t wait to see the little buggers again! They move around all the time, which is great because I’ve always wanted acrobats in the family. W has been able to feel them a couple times which he loves. Last night while I was watching the Clint0n/0bama lovefest, I was literally contemplating my navel and I think I saw my stomach actually move from a kick. Then I started huffing and puffing too much to see it again. I suppose one unfortunate side effect is the inability to take real breaths. I've always been a fan of the deep breath, but I guess I'll have to wait a few months before I can take another one. Drag.

This weekend I'm hoping to get the babies' room in some sort of order. During the move it became sort of the dumping ground for all the stuff that we weren't able to put away immediately, but I'll feel much better if that's all put away or at least out of sight. I also want to get a futon for the room, because I imagine I'll be sleeping in there w/ them occasionally when W goes back to work. (Speaking of working, I am torn right down the middle about whether or not I'll be going back. Many thoughts on that to come another day.) Also, I need to get our new car. I was driving my stepdad's car last night and as I was stuck in the middle of an intersection with the emergency brake firmly applied and no clue how to release it, I realized how awkward it can be to drive a different car, and I want to have some time to get used to the new one before I've got two tiny passengers. Hopefully we can do that in the next couple of weekends. We just paid off our GTI, so we might as well get a new car payment!

Happy Friday to all!

Please don’t forget to go visit AMS, Alexa and ME. They could all use your support right now. I hope my quick mention of them doesn’t seem crass or unfeeling. I think about them all the time, but I am finding it so hard to verbalize my thoughts on what they’re going through. If I'm honest, it's that it's too terrifying for me to even begin finding the words.

Jerry Springer Wannabe?

2008-01-10T13:37:00.001-08:00

This makes me ill. Stupid T.yra B.anks is doing a show on infertility and she thinks this makes a good premise:

DO YOU KNOW A WOMAN OBSESSED WITH BECOMING PREGNANT?

Do you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom? Have you seen and heard her struggle for years, felt her unvoiced jealously and seen her desperation first hand? Have you watched silently for too long as she gets her hopes up only to be disappointed and heartbroken when she can’t conceive? Has she tried extreme methods and spent a lot of money to get pregnant with no luck? Do you want to finally tell her she needs to stop the emotional and physical stress on her body and seriously consider adoption or a surrogate alternative? If you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom and getting pregnant, then SUBMIT BELOW.

Click here if you want to tell her how you feel about this premise. (Thanks to KYFTI for bringing this to my attention.) I just envision her having these poor women on stage and then their mothers and husbands and best friends coming on to berate them about how adoption will solve all their problems. Hello? Don't you think they've thought of that already?? If it does happen, I kind of hope these women go all Springer on their asses and throw some chairs. I know I would.

Here's what I submitted.

Dear Producers,

I'm writing to urge you to change the premise of this show before it films. While I'm thrilled that you are planning to do a show on infertility and the struggles associated with it, this lead-in makes me believe that the show will be slanted against the women who try so hard to create a family, by describing them as obsessed and trying to coerce them to pursue methods they’re not yet ready for. Perhaps we infertile women do seem "obsessed" with becoming a mom, but the word obsessed is just wrong here. It misses the point of the emotional and physical struggles we go through. People can be obsessed with toy trains or celebrity gossip, but becoming a mom goes way beyond that.

I hope that your show will address the myriad medical conditions that can contribute to infertility, rather than simply talking about it as its own condition (although admittedly, some cases are unexplained), and that you'll discuss why it becomes so important to women to become pregnant and give birth to their own child.

Suggesting that your reason for bringing these women on is to urge them to "stop the emotional and physical stress on (their) bod(ies) and seriously consider adoption or a surrogate alternative?" is not going to help anyone. You must know that they've probably considered these options in depth already? And certainly you don't believe that adoption or surrogacy will eradicate or even diminish the emotional loss associated with losing the biological connection to your child or missing out on the opportunity to become pregnant and give birth?

Please do not bring these women on simply to be attacked for their choices and to be pressured by friends and family to rush into adoption or surrogacy too soon. ALL infertile women have considered these options and are working toward making a decision whether or not to pursue them.

Thank you for turning your focus to this subject, but please do your research and tread lightly as there are so many women out there looking for a voice and who continue to be disappointed in the media portrayal of our problem. You have the opportunity to do a show that will HELP millions of women, but with your current premise you will simply end up HURTING the women who appear on the show.

Best,

E-

Laughter through puke is my favorite emotion

2008-01-03T12:20:00.000-08:00

I’ve been putting off posting because I have all these mini thoughts, but nothing cohesive enough to count as a real post. Today I say fuck that, because it’s only a matter of time before these thoughts vaporize in my twin-addled brain. So, in no particular order of importance or interest, here’s what’s going inside my head (and other parts of me…)

First things first, I will join the ranks of knocked up types out there and post a belly shot. Here I am at 19 weeks, 3 days. Please pardon the severed head syndrome, but W was adamant that I don’t post my head here. I did leave my chin(s) so you can see how short my hair is.

Pregnancy Issues (Physical):

-Restless leg like ya read about. Luckily enough it seems to flare up not when I’m in bed, but when I’m sitting at my desk, on the bus or on the couch. It’s really been interfering with my ability to concentrate on Project R.unway, so even though it’s not keeping me from sleeping, I’m going to have to categorize this as a major problem. I have found that taking a bath helps, so I’m going to do that more often for sure.

-Intermittent heartburn. NOTHING like it could be, so really I’m lucky on this front.

-Again I think I’m lucky here, but rather than constipation, I’ve got consta-poopin’. Seriously 3…4… times a day. I guess that’s a good thing!

-I’m going to need to buy new shoes. My favorite black boots are a) too small and b) too old (ratty), and now my other shoes are all getting too small as well. My boots have even been leaving marks around my calves which means I’m on my way to some lovely cankles – yay! I’ve started taking my arch supports out, which is helpful because then my shoes fit better, but then not so much because my feet are fucked up and I need the arch supports. Argh.

Pregnancy Issues (Mental):

-I have a clothes fit every single morning. I am so sick of looking like a frump and it’s only going to get worse from here! I just ordered a couple new things from AT Loft, so hopefully that will infuse a bit of life into my dreary get-ups.

-I’m still in disbelief that this is happening. Yes, I’ve registered and yes, I’ve got a crib up in our second bedroom, but I cannot for the life of me connect any of it to the fact that two human beings are going to live in my house and expect me to care for them. We’ll see someone with a double stroller and say, “Hey that’s us!” but it doesn’t feel even slightly real. We test drove cars last weekend and when I tried to envision the salesman in the backseat into two babies it just didn’t compute. (We're thinking H0nda Pil0t by the way.)

-In less than 3 weeks I will be 35. I’ll cross into oldpregnantladyville. No offense intended to those over 35 already, but this is a serious milestone in my mind. I know 50 is the new 20 or whatever, but 35 is really inching toward middle age. I almost never worry about my age, but this one? Hurts.

Random Good Bits:

-I got the Sn0ogle a week or so ago and LORDY! I have been sleeping so much better! W is not a fan of the “chastity pillow”, as he calls it, forming a wall between us, but I am in love.

-I’m going to Boston for the last weekend in January for a shower that my best friend is putting on for me! I can’t wait to see all my east coast peeps and have one last (for a while) girls’ weekend. My stepsis is hosting a shower out here in March, so I am definitely a lucky girl.

-Moving to our new place was so smart! We love it and the indoor pool has been so great. I love love love it!

Random Funny Stuff:

-W and I were at the grocery store when my friend called. She was suggesting bringing dinner over to our house, so of course I was all ears! As we were chatting I saw a display of commuter coffee mugs. Since I’m in need, I grabbed one and proceeded to stow it away in my PURSE. I just went on yammering away to my friend about the evening’s plans. Once I finished W just gave me this look and said, “You wanna go ahead and put the mug in our basket?” I had NO idea I had basically stolen the thing. Thanks be to hay-soos he was there!!

-My gag reflex is still really quick. Mostly if I’m coughing or laughing a lot I’ll gag a bit. Nothing ever came of it….until the other night. We had a perfect Saturday of not doing much aside from hanging out by the fire, playing scrabble, and eating some tasty crockpot chili. Just as we were snuggling (snoogling?) into bed, W made me pay for the chili by letting rip what seemed like a pretty tiny fart. However, what it lacked in amplitude it made up for in disgusting smellitude. I started laughing and saying, “Man, that’s terrible!” and then all of a sudden the gagging began and before I knew it I had thrown up in my mouth. I ran to the bathroom and unfortunately the laughing turned hysterical just as I made it so there I was laughing my ass off while puking. It was not pretty. But I couldn’t stop laughing! I mean, we’ve all said, “Ew that’s nasty, I’m gonna puke,” but how many of us actually do?

Sorry to end on that note, but that’s all I got. Oh - OB appt next Wednesday and then a peri/u/s appt on 1/17. Woo hoo!

Zan and Jayna it is!

2007-12-19T16:50:00.000-08:00

Or as W put it, “Now we get to buy ALL the toys!”

Our ultrasound this morning was seriously the bomb-diggity. The tech cut right to the chase and pointed her wand at each kid’s goods. The first was clearly a girl (to her) and then just like that she spotted our little man’s little man! That I could see. As she put it, he’s a proud little boy.

Then she went on to examine all their other bits and parts and we were so relieved to hear that everything is looking good. They each weigh about 6 oz and she said their really close in size. I don't know how much it matters, but it’s good to know I guess!

Other than giddy and in general disbelief at my good fortune, I’ve been feeling pretty ok these days. Occasionally unwieldy, like when I stand up I have to work a little extra to bring along the bowling ball that my stomach feels like. I know this is only going to get worse; maybe my next post will reference a giant medicine ball.

We’re all settled in to our place with just a few (hundred) more boxes to unpack. We like it even more than I thought we might! I was kind of just ready to enjoy the amenities and the location, but actually once all the previous tenants shit was gone it turns out to be a pretty cute little joint. Still plenty of brass framed mirrors, lest you be concerned that they were a mere figment of my imagination! But the fresh paint and new carpets definitely make it a whole new place.

And the best part is that about 3 years after purchasing it, I finally got to put this little stained glass turtle lamp in my babies’ room! I say “this” like I have a picture, but as I’m blogging at work, I will have to post the picture later. It’s sitting on the changing table that my stepsister passed on to us, along with two beautiful cribs. It’s weird having them so soon, but she was ready to turn her nursery into an office, so it was kind of now or never. Her twins (almost 4) slept in the cribs for the last night to “say goodbye”! They are SO excited about the new twins. They're giving up their pacifiers for their 4^th birthday and are planning to come over for a ceremony where they give them to our babies. So cute! It was their idea! And frankly, isn’t 4 a bit old? I’m thinkin’ anything I can do to get them over the bink is a good thing.

What kind of post would it be without some mention of one of my family members grabbing me inappropriately? But this one’s not so bad. Stay with me. Brendan, one of the aforementioned twins asked me if he could touch my twins. I said sure, warning him that he won’t feel them move or anything. He was ok with that, so I said go ahead. So he reaches his hands out and grabs onto each of my boobs like he’s in Porky’s 8 or something. It was hilarious. His 5 yr old sister’s like, “Not there dummy!” Or maybe that’s what he meant by “twins” who knows…

And now…

pictures of the nuggets. Jayna.

and Zan's a super short video - hopefully it will work.

Untitled

2007-12-14T16:47:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess the issue of am I showing or not has been settled. Last night on the BART train an old man offered me his seat!! I didn’t take it since we were almost to my stop, but I have to say it felt pretty good. I definitely have popped out a bit over the last day or two after measuring at a mere 20 weeks at my OB appointment on Wednesday. (I’m 16w5d today.)

Speaking of that appointment, is it normal to have him just check the heartbeats, weigh me, check my blood pressure and that’s IT? I felt a little gypped. I mean, I didn’t even get to take my drawers off! What kind of doctor’s appointment is that?

I do have an ultrasound scheduled at the peri’s office next Wednesday, so that’s exciting. I’m really hoping to find out what flavor they are. I don’t care, of course, but I am SO curious! Plus I can’t get enough of just watching them bounce around in there. We had a friend suggest that if we can’t obviously see the gender, to have the tech write it down on a piece of paper and then go out to dinner that night and open it then in a less clinical environment. I kind of love that idea, so I’m hoping it will work out that way.

Or maybe we’ll open it in our new living room by the fire! We move in tomorrow and I’m so psyched. I hope I don’t actually hate the place upon seeing it again. I know the kitchen is circa Three’s Company and that those brassy, mirrored closet doors will still abound, but I’m hoping that once we get our beautiful crapola in there it will look more like home. I’m thinking about hanging fabric on the walls, either just tacking it up, using a strip of wood across the top or by doing the starch method. Anyone have any experience with either method? We can’t paint, but I need to have some color in there somehow.

Ok, so there have been a couple requests for clarification about just what I meant by my stepsister sticking her fingers up my business. What I meant was, she took her fingers and jammed them up my lady parts. She got to 3^rd base. I don’t know if she was pretending to BE a doctor or pretending to PLAY doctor, but either way the forcefield was broken. She was all up inside my grill. Hope that helps clear things up! Next year I’ll be sure to wear a cup.

Happy weekend!

A Yuletide List Like No Other

2007-12-10T14:39:00.000-08:00

Things you shouldn’t have to endure during a holiday party, but since it was a FAMILY holiday party you should have known you were in for:

1.) Having to drink the same thing as the 4 year olds – a Shirley temple.

2.) Watching your mom constantly pester your husband about her ever changing music volume needs. (Were we really the only people at the party with an iPod? Or are we just the only ones nice enough to agree to be in charge of the music?)

3.) Being the only sober one among 35 drunken adults and 15 sugar-crazed children.

4.) Seeing your mom sit on your husband’s lap. Just because he’s dressed as Santa don’t make it right.

5.) Having your (usually lovely and appropriate) stepsister, in an effort to explain why she thinks you’re having boys, jam her fingers WAY up your business several times to describe just where she thinks girls are carried.

6.) Only having the tray of rock shrimp corn fritters come by twice

7.) Being told in one 5-minute conversation that a) you’ll never wear those (hot!) shoes again b) your pregnancy is all downhill from here and c) your life is over.

8.) Having to pretend that the fact that as children grow, their clothes take up more space is news to you.

9.) Being told first that you look pregnant and second that you don’t look at all pregnant, and being irrationally upset by both comments.

*****************
In other news, I think I felt some baby movement on Saturday! W and I were out shopping and on the way home I collapsed onto the BART seat and felt the sort of popping fluttery feeling that I've read about. Nothing since then, but I think it was just one of them standing up and applauding for finally getting a rest after about 4 straight hours of shopping.

Check them out!

2007-12-05T16:41:00.000-08:00

Parker & Jackson. So perfect.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....

2007-11-30T14:30:00.000-08:00

It is serious sigh of relief time. I just got off the horn with Genevieve the Genetics Counselor with Genzyme (and I thought I had a thing with alliteration - she's three letters deep!). Good news - the WT's have the same chance of having DS as if I'd gotten knocked up at age 20! (That would have made them a whole different kind of WT - heh.) Anyhoo, there's a less than 1 in 10,000 chance of the other trisonomies, so W and I are both feeling good about moving past this genetics business, and skipping the amnio. PHEW!

Plus, I have to just say, my hair looks and feels fucking fantastic. The color is exactly my natural color (if it was pretty) with some golden highlights, and it's a pretty blunt bob to about 2 inches below my ears, which means she cut a good 5-6 inches off. We'll see how it stands up to my usual styling method: gently massage head with towel and...yeah, that's it. I'll see if I can get a good enough picture to post. I mean the hair looks good, but I can't do much with the rest.

And my 3rd ahhhh moment for today is the date. November 30. 30th November. Last day of November. No more days in November for this year. December is tomorrow. And I will not post. NaBloPoMo is a nice idea and all, but I liked when blogging was fun, or at least therapeutic. This made it sort of a chore. And probably not too inspiring to the reader. I'm no Alexa. She was made for this sort of thing. Me? Not so much. From now on I'll try to just post when I've got something to say.

And let's give an ahhh-out to plain ole Friday. After last week's luxurious two-day workweek, pulling this whole 5-day shit was rough! But it's nearly over now. And I'm going to meet my friend who's in town for just the weekend at our other friends restaurant, which hopefully means free food! Yay for potentially free food! Then we've got a meat-themed surprise birthday party for another friend tomorrow, and at some point I think I'll try to fit in some packing. W is going away for business all next week, which I assume is his way of getting out of packing. Luckily I've got some wine and can bribe my mom with it to help me out.

Happy Weekend!

Thursday Thrills

2007-11-29T16:01:00.000-08:00

See, the alliteration, it won't stop! But really, there are lots of thrills today.

Best News: If you haven't heard, THEY'RE HERE!!! And so freaking cute! I will post the picture as soon as I get the ok. ApronStrings will probably get the ok before me, so check there, too. Everyone is happy and healthy. Such good news.

3rd Best News - going out of order here: In other good, but far less momentous news, the worries from yesterday have subsided. No more spotting, no more pain. Apparently blogging really IS healing!

And I totally agree with everyone about not poking the beast that is my polyp. I think I'm just frustrated because when W heard the doctor say that having sex could irritate it, he took that to mean we should live like we never heard of Intercouse, PA. It's cute and sweet, but then again, not so much. I may have to force the issue which will probably incur more spotting, which will then send me running to the keyboard for, dare I suggest a Friday Freakout? And then you'll all tell me to stop being such a horny bastard and leave the poor man be. Right? Prob'ly.

2nd Best News: I'm leaving my office in 15 short minutes to FINALLY get my hair cut and colored. It is nasty, nasty, nasty. Way too long, with a big swath of dishwater colored blahness running down the middle. Blech. Maybe if my hair looks really good the problem above will resolve itself!

Wednesday Worries

2007-11-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

First of I all I worry about my constant use of alliteration. But...I'm missing the point (procrastinating pontificating the point?) here.

So last night when I got home from work and went to the loo, there was a bit of blood. And then in subsequent trips, brownness. After one or two more trips, there was nothing, but again this morning there is a light, light brown substance. I know brown is ok, but it's still freaky. I'm hoping it was just the polyp on my cervix. I'd really like that to be gone the next time I go to the doc.

And making it more worrisome are these two different pains I'm having. One is in my abdomen, at a spot right between my belly button and my...self and it feels just like when you touch a bruise, except I don't need to touch it to feel it. It just kind of twinges on and off occasionally and whenever I sit down. If I had to guess, I've probably felt it 10-15 different times this morning. It's gone as quickly as it comes, but it's weird. It's definitely not a crampy feeling; bruise-like is the best way I can describe it.

Then the other pain is even stranger. Whenever I stand or sit I feel it in the ole vagine, like the bits are tender and so sensitive that standing and sitting are (mildly) painful. This could be the excess blood in my system, but again, it's weirding me out.

Anyone feel anything twinges like these? Also, for those who've had a polyp removed from their cervix, what was the process? I had one in my uterus, and had a hysteroscopy, but I'm thinking (hoping) that being closer to the exit, this one could be slightly easier to get rid of? My ob wants to leave it, but it's kind of stressing me out. If the procedure is minor, I'm considering getting rid of it.

Thank You!

2007-11-27T21:36:00.000-08:00

Wow - thanks so much for the great comments. Are you all trying to get with me too? Seriously, though, thanks. I feel so lucky to have found you! I'm still nervous, and I know that will never go away, but at least I know I'm not alone.

I've got a couple random notes for tonight.

1) How can I get Bob from the Biggest Loser to come be my trainer after the WT's arrive? I do have the dvd, and it's great, but I think having him there in the room with me would really help. Any ideas on how to make that happen?

1a) Could the weigh-in elimination portion of the Biggest Loser last ANY longer? Sweet mother!

2) Think good thoughts for Watson! She's scheduled for a c-section on Wednesday and Parker and Jackson will finally be here!

3) My lame ass bladder is not a fan of NaBloPoMo. Actually it's simply not a fan of anything that involves being away from the bathroom for more than 10 minutes.

3a) Gotta pee!

Scared

2007-11-26T20:20:00.000-08:00

Is there some point at which the idea of becoming someone's mother is more than just a reason to freak out? I don't mean that it has to be right now, but I just wonder if it ever becomes real. Because at this moment it seems so incredibly far from it. And even if I did believe that it would happen, then what? What do I know about any of this?

Often when we're schmooping it up to each other and generally marveling over the twins, W will tell me that I'll be the best mom ever. I truly wonder why he thinks that. Maybe he's just saying it to get some? I mean, I'll love them like crazy, and I can cook, but I'm pretty sure there's more to it than that. And even the initial part I think I could handle. Diapers, sleep schedules, breastfeeding... but what about when they can talk? Or worse, understand!

That's where it gets really frightening.

I can read about how to be healthy during pregnancy, or how to pick out the safest car seat, but I don't think there are any books or magazines to help me figure out how to be someone's mom.

Back to Life...Back to Reality...

2007-11-25T18:39:00.000-08:00

Even though we were gone for less than 4 days, and were fewer than 25 miles from home it is SO freakin' good to be home! Bella seems super happy and not at all miffed that we went to the beach for the weekend without her. Of course we wouldn't have chosen to do so, but my stepsister who found the house we rented forgot to check if they allow dogs.

Aside from the fact that we were pooch-free, the holiday weekend could not have been more perfect. Of course Wednesday was fabulous. My brother had arrived the night before and Wednesday morning we went out to a tasty breakfast. Once we got home I put him to work making the chili for dinner and W and I went to Part 1 of our two-part genetics counseling/NT scan appointment. The counseling part was a complete waste. It would have been valuable had we not ever seen a) the internet or b) any book on pregnancy. After about 15 minutes even the counselor was like, "Well, ok, you guys have this stuff down. Any other questions?" Since there were none, we went home to pack up the car and then on our way out of town we went to the NT scan portion.

It was my first non-dildocam ultrasound, so I finally felt like a real pregnant lady! The tech was totally into the twin thing, so we got to stare at them for a nice long time. I felt a little bad, since my brother was just sitting in the car waiting for us, but I sure as hell wasn't going to stop her. She took the NT measurements and I thought I could read that they were fine. Both babies were doing their thang and it was amazing. I can't even begin to explain how cool it was to see them like that. I wondered later if both the tech and doctor thought I was kind of nonplussed about the whole thing because I barely spoke. I just watched. You could tell that Snoozy is fucking LOVING LIFE in the top bunk. He's* got all the room, and is just kicking back and relaxing. I think I even saw a tiny ottoman for his tiny legs. At one point he gave us a little fist pump as if to say, "Hey 'Rents! It's all good in here!" As for poor G-Lo? There is a distinct cause of her* squirminess. Being on the bottom bunk, she's totally cramped. She seems to have a hard time finding a comfortable spot, but in her efforts to do so she got in a few good thumps to the top bunk, so at least she's making a stand.

Snoozy:

G-Lo

Once she was done, the tech said she was going to get the doctor to confirm some measurements. Of course at that point I started to wig out, worried that something was wrong. If only she'd said from the beginning that there would be two sets of measurements. We waited nearly 30 minutes which did not help my stress level. I was sure that the doctor had to be so baffled my our kids' rare medical condition that he was either consulting his library to find a treatment, or trying to find a way to give us the bad news.

Finally I sent W out to see if they were coming back for us. Not only was I nervous, I was starving, had to pee like a mofo and was supposed to pick up my mom very shortly. The doctor was on his way in as W went looking for him, so luckily we were "quickly" underway. Both babies made it really hard to get a good look at the neck area in need of measuring, so the doctor part of the scan took even longer than the first half. His technique of violently pulsing the wand into my abdomen had absolutely zero effect on the twins' placement, but very nearly caused me to piss my pants a couple of times. Pretty sweet. Eventually he got the measurement and confirmed what I'd seen on the tech's scan 1.3 and 1.6 and I could resume breathing. Luckily the relief didn't relax me so much that I actually peed my pants, but man, it was close. Now we just wait for the bloodwork. I guess they'll be calling mid-week. I go back for another u/s on 12/19 and can't wait to see how big the kiddies are by then. I wonder if they'll have made a masking tape line to mark out their respective territories like good siblings sharing cramped quarters should.

SO...that's a really long way of saying the weekend started out nicely. From there we drove to Tiburon to pick my mom up and headed out to Stinson. The house my stepsis(in-law, technically) found for us was so cute. We made a fire, and played Scrabble while the chili warmed up. My stepdad arrived a little later and then after dinner, he, my mom and my bro walked to the local bar while Will and I hung out by the fire.

Thanksgiving morning we woke up to crystal clear sun and went for a nice, long walk on the beach. In fact it was a little too long, because I had to practically sprint back for fear once again of soiling myself. Back at the house I got my brother and W to work assembling our appetizer - chipotle-lime marinated shrimp wrapped in bacon, which we grilled once we got to my stepbrother's house. So good! The rest of the meal was also pretty damn nice. There were about 40 of us and the food was amazing. Of course, as I phone-blogged, it was kind of rough not enjoying the tasty cocktails that were flowing, but I made myself a faux-garita and then had half a glass of pinot noir with dinner. The first couple sips were exactly what I'd hoped they'd be, but toward the end I had to give it to W because it just didn't feel worth it. After dinner we hung out by their newly built, giant outdoor fireplace and shot the shit with friends and fam.

On Feel Good Friday morning we took another beach walk and then I made rice krispie treats to bring to the beer pong party. Beer pong was out of control - mostly hilarious, and very drunken for those who could imbibe. A friend of my stepbro designated himself as shotboy and W had at least 4 shots of tequila. Everyone else had to be closer to 10. I have no idea how they do it! The shots had no effect on W's pong prowess, however and he became simultaneously the most desired partner and most targeted ringer. I was just hanging by the outdoor fire, enjoying my Becks N.A. and also loved watching shotboy (who was kind of a dick) get harassed by his pals for drinking one accidentally and not noticing that it was NA.

Yesterday after a little hike with my mom, we sent her and her husband on their way and W and I finally had the chance to hang out at the house alone. I promptly fell asleep. There was the most comfy window seat at our house and I couldn't help myself! I needed it, too because Saturday night is the annual Stinson Beach Fireman's Ball and my stepbro and their friends make quite the night of it. They have an annual cocktail party before the ball where everyone picks through several racks of costumes. The Ball itself is NOT a costume party, but don't tell them that! This is our second year going and it is a freaking blast. Last year I wore my slutty St. Pauli Girl dress, but this year I went for a hot pink mu-mu. W was resplendent in a red sequined one-piece Elvis/Superhero suit with a V down to THERE. He was so hot. I'll post pictures as soon as my brother sends them to me. As the sole sober person I drove a minivan full of 11 drunken, polyestered nutjobs to the dance. I'm sure we looked like a clown car. The music was great and I totally wanted to dance, but I felt like I should keep it sort of mellow.

Overall, such a great weekend. Back to work tomorrow and it's time to start packing! We move into our new place on 12/15! Woo hoo!

*I still have no confirmation of their gender. I'm just going by feel here.

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2007-11-24T17:36:00.001-08:00

First day W and i have been alone (even for 10 minutes) since Weds. Ahhhhh... Naps, fire, football. Back to real life AND BELLA tomorrow. Cannot wait to see her!

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2007-11-23T18:46:00.001-08:00

I heart Becks NA.

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2007-11-22T15:40:00.001-08:00

Wow.
I did NOT expect thd alcohol to be such a temptation, but presented like this? It's a teeny bit torturous! Maaaybe just a wee glass of wine...

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2007-11-21T14:33:00.001-08:00

NT scan went great. Heard hb's for the first time - so amazing! NT mearured 1.3 and 1.6 and babies were both doing the happy dance. Got lots of pics on cd and can't wait to get to a computer to see them!

Countdown

2007-11-20T15:56:00.000-08:00

I am a mere 58 minutes from a 5-day weekend and I cannot wait! Granted, Day 1 of this bacchanalia will include our NT scan, but once that's over and the perfect results are achieved, it's time to relax! Not that I'd be doing anything but if I was staying home, but somehow it's different when you're staying somewhere else. My mom, stepdad, brother and W are staying in a rented house in Stinson Beach, just down the hill from my stepbrother's house where the Thanksgiving festivities will go down. I'm making dinner for tomorrow night - just some crock pot chili and corn bread to go alongside. We also have to find a way to watch the Syracuse basketball game, which may be tough since there's no tv at our rented house. I also have to make an appetizer for Thursday, which will probably be chipotle-lime, bacon wrapped shrimp, done on the bbq. They're a teeny bit labor intensive, but it's a short ingredient list, which makes me happy - I fucking HATE the grocery store. Then, turkey. Ahhh...Thanksgiving is far and away my favorite meal. I can't wait!

Friday is the 2nd Annual Feel Good Friday. Last year, my stepbrother decided that the Friday after Thanksgiving is actually the best day of the year and I think he might just be right. All your familial obligations are over, you don't have to go to work for a couple more days, and there's nothing to do but FEEL GOOD! Last year we started an "annual" beer pong tourney and I'm looking forward to it again, especially because of the new rule stating that my partner has to drink any beer penalties I incur. Is it mean to choose my mom? She can handle it, believe me. We just eat pizza on FGF, and I was thinking of making some peanut butter rice krispie treats decorated with autumnal reeses pieces, mostly because that sounds so good to me! The rest of the weekend is kind of an open slate, so we'll see what's in store.

My brother arrived from NYC a few hours ago, which to me means that the holiday has started. He and W are off on a walk w/ Bella and I can't wait to get home and meet up with them.

The babies seem huge today. I had gone to M1Mi Maternity over the weekend with the $100 gift certificate that my mom gave me and went a little bit to town. Like to $500 town. Oops. W picked out the most fab pair of capri-camo-maternity pants, so of course those were included in my haul. I cleaned my closet out of the pants and shirts that no longer fit me and MAN, does it look sparse in there! I guess I need to do some more shopping. Especially since today, the WT's seem to have really popped out. Maybe they want to be part of the Thanksgiving festivities, too? As long as they behave themselves tomorrow at our appointment, they can do whatever they want.

Along with the NT scan, we're also having a 45 minute genetic counseling session. I guess they will go through all the possibilities, which for the most part I know, but I think it will be good for both of us to be completely informed before making any further decisions. I tend to think that we wouldn't do an amnio, but who knows what tomorrow's results will have to say about that. I'm trying not to think about anything except seeing the WT's in hi-def. I hope G-Lo's been working on his dance routine and maybe Snoozy will even wake up to say hello.

Wish me luck, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Why is this so hard to remember?

2007-11-19T20:37:00.000-08:00

Can someone please explain why it's so hard to remember that cleaning is NOT that hard? All weekend I put it off thinking I just didn't have it in me, but because my brother's coming tomorrow and we're leaving our apartment for a friend to house/dogsit for the holiday weekend, I felt like we had to do something. In about 20 minutes W and I made the place look great! Honestly, how stupid that I let it loom over me all weekend.

On another note, is anyone else as tired as I am of Nicole Richie's baby shower? Enough already! I did note that Mischa Barton (why is she famous?) got Nicole a super fancy double stroller as a joke because Nicole is just SO huge that she must be having two. Har dee har har. Think maybe I could ask Nicole to send it my way? Speaking of showers, though, my best friend has offered to throw me one on the East Coast. When I lived there a group of women would have pretty frequent "girls' nights" and I can't wait to see everyone. Besides, who doesn't want to go to Boston in January?

My bloglines is all messed up - saying it can't connect to most of my feeds, so I hope all's well in the world!

I'm psyched that I finally figured out the phone blogging. We're heading to Stinson Beach for Thanksgiving weekend and I doubt we'll bring the laptop and I've got to keep up with NaBloPoMo somehow.

Ok, final random thought for the day... I emailed our almostRealtor to let her know we've decided to rent for a year or so and will get back to her then. When we had toured houses with her, I told her the reason (or two reasons, I guess) for our move. So today when she replied to my email, can you guess what she told me?

Yup, she's pregnant with twins. Total surprise to her (beotch!), but still. Madness!

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2007-11-18T19:56:00.001-08:00

And now I sent a picture! Even Bella gets to enjoy football day on the couch.

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2007-11-18T19:49:00.001-08:00

If you can read this, I managed to blog from my phone!

Marin? Really?

2007-11-17T21:06:00.000-08:00

I believe we have solved the housing crisis, at least for now. We've decided to rent a townhouse in Marin. I think we're more shocked than anyone about this development. Even though we'd accepted the idea of renting for another year, I really never expected to rent in the burbs. But this place does have quite a few plusses. The complex is right on the water, near a bike path, accepts dogs and has both and indoor and outdoor pool. I'm an absolute sucker for a pool, so offering all-season swimming was playing a little dirty on their part. The townhouse itself is pretty apartment-y, which is to say, BLAH. But I think once we get our stuff in there, along with a couple bright cheery babies, it will be perfectly fine. There are a couple nice decks and a wood burning fireplace and at least twice as much square footage as we could have hoped to get for the money in SF. There are lots of kids around (or at least a lot of people who have car seats in their cars) and I can walk to a grocery store and a cafe. AND...the best part is that it's just 3 miles from my mom, most of which can be done on a bike path. She is so amped up to be Granny of the Year that she'd probably have moved in with us if we'd been any further away. (I'm sure I'll come to the point where I'll be begging her to sleep over, but for now, let's just be glad her own home is nice and close.)

We still have to go put down a deposit, because neither of us brought checks with us today, so assuming no one stole the place from us since noon today, we'll take over around mid-December, wahoo! I haven't lived in an apartment complex since college, so this will definitely take some getting used to, but come March or April when I may easily be mistaken for a sumo wrestler, I bet that indoor pool is going to be mighty nice.

On another note entirely, I have become obsessed with trying to feel G-Lo move. Or Snoozy...either one! But after seeing that Psychobilly Freakout at the doctor on Wednesday, I keep thinking that if I press hard enough I've GOT to feel something. I mean, there are 2 1/2-inch long human beings inside me, at least one of which is dancing like crazy. How can I not feel it?!?

I have to say, they've gotten so much more real to me since that appointment. Even Snoozy, just seeing him sleeping there so perfectly has totally defined his personality to me. In fact, I've gone so far as to "decide" that Snoozy is a boy and is just like W. Exhibit A: W has been passed out on the couch next to me since 8pm. And I think G-Lo is a girl and is more like me, the poor thing, a hyperactive freakazoid.

Speaking of which, I tend to get restless leg syndrome, which I call "jumpy leg." I used to just get it before going to bed, usually on the couch, but certainly not every night. Now for the last couple nights I've been getting it in bed and it is SO frustrating. My mom gets it and it has kept her up for years now (along with her overactive worrywart brain, which mine will surely morph into). I had read on Watson's blog a while back that putting a bar of soap in the sheets with you can help. I tried it last night, but the fact that the soap was booted out to the floor kind of tells the tale on how that went. I'll try it again tonight, but I must say it's very odd to have a bar of soap in your bed. Any other home remedies out there?

But back to my two kids. Kids! It is crazy to me to talk about them like that. I get so caught up in trying to get pregnant, then getting pregnant, then the idea of twins, that I have to keep reminding myself that the end result is going to be us with two kids! It's fucking fantastic, but so hard to really and truly grasp. I have no hope that I will ever really grasp it until I'm actually changing a diaper or covered in spit-up, and maybe not even then, but I think the continued ultrasounds will help. My ob said that we'll probably have one at least once a month, so we'll have a bunch of chances to "get to know" them more and more. I cannot wait to get to know them for real. But will that even help? I see other people with babies and even some with twins, and they seem pretty together. I'm sure they all have their moments, but is my life going to be one big "moment"? I am just so terrified and ecstatic all at once. It's madness.

Whoa, it's getting late (for me, anyway - 10 is the new 2 am). I guess I need to go grab my Lever 2000 and hit the hay. I hope my legs agree!

Is it you, Gloria Estefan?

2007-11-16T12:24:00.000-08:00

Hi there, person from Miami (Sound Machine). I am trying not to be paranoid, but it seems that you have googled me pretty often lately and are reading my entire blog, which while I am honored, also weirds me out the teeniest bit. You could very well be a fellow infertile reading a blog you like from start to finish, which I have done on occasion. But one of your search terms made me feel like you were someone I know in real life trying to hunt down my blog. Please reassure me! You can either leave a comment or email me. I'd really appreciate it!

Wha??

2007-11-15T16:50:00.000-08:00

Me: Before we get into (boring work matter) I need to tell you something…uh, well, I, uh…I’M PREGNANT (totally blurted it out).

Boss: So’s my wife! It’s twins!

Me: Shut the fuck up! Mine are twins! (yeah, F-bomb. Felt right)

High-five (no shit – we did.)

Me: How far along is she?

Boss: About 12 weeks.

Me: Wha? I’m about 12 weeks.

Boss: Did you do the neck wrinkle test? We have that on Tuesday.

Me: Wha? Ours is Wednesday.

We went on to have a slightly more normal conversation with just a few more “Wha?!?’s” and “Shut the fuck up’s” I told him how I’d overheard him ordering the PIO and he was amazed that anyone might know what he was talking about. He was super nice and excited about the whole thing. Definitely gets it and now we have this crazy bond. It sounds like he was not as excited about the twin thing as W. Who was out of his fucking head with glee. But I think he’s into it now. God, I hope so anyway! Not much getting out of it at this stage!

Now I must sign off because I have to go buy some old lady skivvies. None of mine are working for me lately.

Form of...Snooze and Spazz!

2007-11-14T19:26:00.000-08:00

Does anyone know if there was ever an episode of the Super Friends where one of the Wonder Twins took a peaceful snooze and the other had a spastic dance party? Because that's what we saw today at the ultrasound.

Sleepy who resides in the top bunk, apparently thought this would be a great time to snooze in the sweetest pose ever. It's a wonder sleep was a possibility considering the insanity that was going on down in the bottom bunk. G-Lo was going crazy. I think there must have been some kick ass techno music going on down there because the doctor could barely get a picture! He finally did, though and they both look great. I'm 12w3d today and 23rd measured at 12w6d. G-Lo is right on track at 12w3d.

And here they are! G-Lo is kind of hard to make out because the dance party just don't stop.

Sleepy

G-Lo

G-Lo is actually in the bottom sac, a total blur.

I am in love with the fact that they are in this bunk bed position. It's so cute!

My doc said that my cervix looks great, although there's a polyp on it. He thinks that's probably what caused the spotting. We had sex the night before the evil pink showed up, so now I guess we know what caused it. I'd made it a no-go zone since the spotting, but now since I know what the problem is, maybe the restriction can lift a bit. The doctor said he'd rather not remove it unless it becomes a problem and I'm fine with that.

I go for the nuchal translucency next Wednesday. That makes me a little nervous, but of course I'm excited to see the WT's again.

I'm telling my boss tomorrow. I'm absolutely convinced his wife is pregnant. Not only did I hear him ordering more progesterone, but then he was talking to a co-worker who suggested my boss needs to open a 529. So...not too many reasons for a 529 aside from impending fatherhood, right??

Wish me luck breaking the news! "Hi, I'm your brand-new employee and I'm pregnant!"

100

2007-11-13T16:56:00.000-08:00

I had some big ideas about my 100th post, but they all kind of went by the wayside this morning. I was watching the Today Show, as is my wont, and there was this bittersweet story about a family who lost their 3 children in a car accident, and are now expecting triplets from IVF. Well, Meredith said "implant" about a million times, so I decided to email the show. Of course I just got the standard, automatic reply, but hoepfully someone will actually read it and they'll get it right. I know, once again I'm whining about semantics, but...not really. This is a big deal (to me) and it chaps me everytime!

So, here's my letter.

Hello there,

This morning I was touched by the story of the California family who lost their three children in a car accident and are now expecting triplets. While it was encouraging to see a woman who was so willing to discuss the fact that she used in-vitro fertilization ("IVF"), I was dismayed by Meredith's repeated use of the term "implanted" regarding the embryos. I have noted this during other stories on infertility, not just on your show. Use of the term "implanted" supports a common belief that IVF is a cure-all for infertility problems - that the embryos are simply "implanted" and nine months later, the family is complete. Unfortunately IVF is not an automatic solution for many women and in fact, whether or not the transferred embryos implant is one of the biggest variables. For the two weeks between the transfer procedure and the pregnancy test, IVF patients spend all their waking hours hoping and praying for the embryos to implant. So often they don't and women are forced to go through several expensive and emotionally draining IVF cycles before either finding success, finding other paths to parenthood, or deciding to live child-free.

Hopefully you can understand that using the word "implant" to describe the procedure itself is incorrect and gives a false sense of the procedure and its potential outcomes. I hope in the future you will be diligent in using the word "transfer" when describing this part of the IVF process. And I also hope you will continue to talk about this topic, as it affects millions of women.

About me - I have been struggling with infertility for the past four years and consider myself very lucky to have found success on my second IVF cycle. I'm expecting twins in May.

Thank you,
Erin C-

Stepping off soapbox...

Now go visit Watson! She's on bedrest and needs some diversion. Also, I have my first regular OB appointment tomorrow at 11:30. We're hoping for a good look at the Wonder Twins and good news all around. Wish me luck!

I Think I Need to Move

2007-11-12T13:59:00.000-08:00

Did you know?

In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants - even, if she so requests, in a policeman's helmet.

Convenient and fun!

Seriously, though, a couple times this weekend, that law really would have come in handy. Not that I saw any helmeted policemen...

A Milestone

2007-11-10T17:44:00.000-08:00

I bought my first pair of maternity pants today. I've been relying on my Bel1a Band for a few weeks now, but it will be really nice to have a pair of pants actually fit. We ran a bunch of errands today and I swear, I went to the bathroom at least 5 times in as many hours and each time my jeans were harder to close. I mean, the BB is great, but I can't expect it to actually defy gravity, at least not for long!

We're heading to the 8:00 showing of Amer1can Gangster tonight. It seemed like a good idea when I got the tickets, but now I'm a little worried that I'm going to fall asleep. Last night I was out at 8:45. That's right - rockin' Friday night! But my brother worked on the movie and his name will be in the credits. Plus he told me today that he's actually in one of the scenes. Just in the background, but cool nonetheless! I hope I'm awake when he's on!

Semantics Matter!

2007-11-09T16:06:00.000-08:00

Say you’re a boss and your brand-new employee plans and executes a kick-ass event. Despite the fact that she went straight home to puke in some bushes and eat ice cream, you feel the need to celebrate her excellence by going to several bars. When you’re leaving at 2 pm the next day because you’re sooooo tired (hungover), if you want to reward your outstanding new employee don’t say, “Don’t stay too late.” What you need to say is, “Feel free to leave early if you want.”

Because I wasn’t planning on staying late at all. Now, I’m sure this is all semantics, but for god’s sake you need to be straight with people.

I think it doesn’t help that I am crazy tired today. Walking coma-tired. And I really did puke in a bush last night. The second half of the meeting went a little too long and I was STARVING. As soon as it was over I hit the buffet and gorged myself on egg rolls and mozzarella sticks and chips and guac and who knows what else, and it was NOT a good idea. Nor was playing DDR after eating all that. Dumbass. It was a full sized machine, though – so hard to resist. And I won!

But yeah, somewhere between where I parked the car and my apartment, it came back to haunt me. Luckily I didn’t have any sympathy pukers around, just an unlucky bush.

So Typical

2007-11-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

I’m that girl. That girl who gets pregnant and becomes a blubbery, slobbery sobbing puddle anytime anything even slight happens.

Here are some recent examples:

-Watching Brothers & S1sters two weeks ago when Sarah lost custody of her kids…BAWLING

-Listening to W tell me how he wants that house to be our “forever house” and how he’ll do anything to make it happen so the babies and I can have it easy…BAWLING

-Pretty much any IF blog post these days, both good news and bad…BAWLING

-Watching the two IVF twin episodes of Bringing Home Baby on TLC…BAWLING

-Ok, I can’t believe I’m admitting this one, because it is seriously fucked up. And while I didn’t cry, I did become momentarily verklempt until I slapped myself upside the noggin. Are you ready? I was emotionally affected this morning by hearing that Ann Curry finally made it to the South fucking Pole. The people in the studio were cheering and she seemed so proud of herself for being only one of like 7,000 people to have made it. Somehow it affected me. And I don’t even really like her! Weird.

Alrighty – had to get my NaBloPoMo’ing done for today because I have a big work event tonight. The first one that I’ve planned here. We’re doing a big all-hands (about 100) meeting, then bowling, so not the toughest event ever, but here’s hoping it goes well! I’ve already had a few people tell me they’re buying me a beer (which…hello people, it’s FREE!) and I’m trying to figure out how I’ll carry the same beer around all evening without being too obvious.

Someone else's home, I guess

2007-11-07T19:06:00.000-08:00

Well, my stepdad thought it was definitely a sound investment, but we found out today that someone made an offer already. We're not at all ready to get into a bidding war, so we decided to pass. Unfortunately for a lot of people, the market is only going to get worse, but it is good news for us. Now we don't know if we'll buy a condo in SF, rent a bigger apartment, or what.

I've been tagged for 8 random things by the newly un-busted Busted! I made the mistake of asking W to help me think them up. "ONLY EIGHT?" he says. Real nice, dude. I need to go beat him up, and I'll post those manana. Or, I was contemplating coming up with 100 tidbits about me for my upcoming 100th post (HOLY SHIT!) but it seems a) daunting and capital B) Boring.

It's Not a Hovel, It's a Home

2007-11-06T16:50:00.000-08:00

Or at least it could be.

Perusing the local real estate websites on Sunday I saw what was described as a “diamond in the roungh (sic)” There were only exterior pictures, but the pretty high end neighborhood combined with a listing price in our range enticed me to learn more.

During a tour of open homes that afternoon we decided to drive by the place. As we slowed down to see what it was all about, a woman from the cleaning crew asked if we’d like to see the inside. Of course we were all over it!

The bones (if you’ll allow me that cheesy real estate term) are incredible. It’s got this HUGE living room with a fireplace and the layout is actually pretty good for an older home. It’s 100% NOT a ranch, which is nice because I feel like that’s all we’ve been seeing so far. Nothing against ranches, but this was a refreshing change. It just feels nice and old, which I love. There are 3 normal bedrooms and one tiny one that is almost all windows – would make a great office or something. The bad news is that the kitchen is a total disaster. Disgusting tile counters, dilapidated cabinets and no appliances. Other than that, although it’s old, the place is pretty liveable. Don’t get me wrong, just about everything needs fixing - new windows, new bathrooms and more, but for now it’s probably ok. It just happens to be at the top of our price range, so I’m totally stressed about having the money to live there, fix it up AND eat. On the other hand, it’s on a double lot and is in one of the more desirable communities in the East Bay and is walking distance to the little village. It’s got to be the cheapest house in town, so if we fixed it up the way we know how, maybe the equity could support the house flipping I want to do.

W (who has his heart set on it and is convinced this is our "forever house") is there right now with my stepdad who has made himself a lot of money in the real estate business. Hopefully he will help us figure out if we’re crazy TO do it, or crazy NOT to do it. It’s bank-owned, so we can’t get any disclosures and since W got lost on the way, they’re looking at it in the dark. Oh man, are we nuts?!?

***
Enough about me, though. If you haven’t had a chance, please stop over and let Ann know you’re thinking of her. She’s going through a nightmare I can’t even begin to comprehend.

From Bax to The Biz

2007-11-05T17:00:00.000-08:00

Shortly after we got married Will and I adopted a sweet (looking) dog named Baxter that we were told was a 4-month old puppy. At his first vet appointment, we learned that he was closer to a year old. Come to find out he'd been a stray for almost his whole life and he was a little (lot) insane. 98.7% of the time he was the sweetest most perfect little guy, and then all of a sudden he would snap, usually it was food related, but not always. Our friend bent to tie his shoe and apparently was too close to Baxter and got chomped in the hand. Another time my cousin's 3 yr old daughter came too close and he snapped and clawed her in the face. It would have been much worse, but at that point I had him on a leash at all times. After about six months of attacks and meetings with behaviorists who insisted there was nothing wrong with him, we had to let him go. Our nephews (4 and 6 at the time) were coming to stay with us for a week and there was no way I could handle the stress of protecting them from Kujo 24 hrs a day. The day I took him back to the woman who facilitated the adoption was one of the saddest of my life. Of course he was perfect that day and looked at me with the sweetest eyes. I cried the whole way home, but I knew it was the right decision.

We knew we'd get another dog, but weren't sure when. I think we were both too afraid to bring the idea up after all we'd been through with Bax. Then about six months later we were driving to Syracuse for Thanksgiving and one of us (can't remember who now) said to the other...maybe it's time to get a dog. We arrived at my cousin's house that night and over some beers she mentioned that she thought W should get me a puppy for Christmas. A sign! THEN...at Thanksgiving dinner another cousin asked us outright if we were interested in a puppy because her brother in law had some he was going to give away. They were only 3 weeks old at the time, but she promised that if we wanted one she'd drive it up to us (in New Hampshire at the time) when it was ready. Ok, now if this sequence of events wasn't enough, we went to see the pups the next day and that's when we met...

Bella. We call her The Biz.

This is a skinny 9 yr old girl holding her, so believe me she was TINY! But so sweet. I knew I had to have her. More later! I'm milking these Bella posts to get me through!

Proof that I need your help

2007-11-04T10:54:00.000-08:00

There's nothing like a little spotting scare and subsequent happy resolution to make an otherwise ordinary weekend seem downright glorious! There's been no return of the evil pink
and this has to be some of the best November weather ever. We spent the day in GG Park, laying about on a blanket, eating lots of tasty food, and watching others toss frisbees and nerf footballs. We also got to watch my pooch destroy some fellow picnickers Nerf, but handily I had brought the EXACT same one along so I easily replaced the one that Bella turned into a snack.

After our picnic we met up with a friend from the East Coast who stopped over to visit on his way to a business trip in LA. We went out to a kick-ass dinner here. It's a former KFC, hence the name. My fancy steak stroganoff with gnocchi was so fucking amazing. And the brownie a la mode that followed was everything a person could ever want. Ever.

Despite the over-eating of the night before, I woke up STARVING and off we went to our favorite breakfast place. I had a scramble with bacon, avocado and spinach w/ homefries and fruit, plus a biscuit with gravy and a pancake. Mmm mmm good.

Ok, so unless you want to just read about my culinary exploits over the next month, please - tell me. What have you always wanted to know about me? Or San Francisco? Or Bella?

All's Well

2007-11-02T11:41:00.001-07:00

POSTED ON SATURDAY 11/3, NO MATTER WHAT BLOGGER HAS TO SAY ABOUT IT!

I haven't seen anything since about 10am yesterday when there was one brown blob. I came right home from work and hit the couch and things have been fine. I'm going to take it easy over the weekend (although I can't stay on the couch the whole time) and hopefully this will be the last of it.

Now I can focus on the important stuff, like hoping my twins are smart like these guys! (No, NOT the ones in the picture!!)

Thanks so much for all the kind wishes!!

Pink Stinks

2007-11-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

Two stupid things I did.

1) I said how it must be true that the rain on my wedding day was good luck.

2) I signed up for NaBloPoMo. I felt like I’d been neglecting my blog and it would be a great way to chronicle the pregnancy and reconnect and yadda yadda…

But then yesterday at around noon I went to the bathroom and what to my TP Tango’ing eyes did appear? Pink.

Fucking pink.

So now that luck business is out the window and instead of NaBloPoMo’ing about ultrasounds or my cute growing belly or when to start buying maternity clothes I will be angsting about vaginal sludge.

So here’s the lowdown. In an attempt to be fully descriptive, you are about to receive a dose of TMI. If you can’t take it, it’s ok. Come back tomorrow. OK…Yesterday at noon, I see the pink. Freak out a little and then start an every 20 min bathroom cycle. Nothing else happens, but it kind of smells like blood – or like my period at least. But again, no further color issues, so I was starting to feel a little better. Then when I got home I passed two eeny weeny light tan clots - if they were even clots - “gobs of gunk” maybe?

Overnight there was nothing, and now this morning there’s been more sludge on three different occasions. Two clearish/milky, one with a tint of almost orangey-red. No actual blood so far, but I definitely feel weird…kind of period-y. Psychosomatic? Most likely. But it feels pretty fucking real.

I just called my new ob and they can’t see me until 11/8. This is not promising for any future emergencies. So now, I think I’ll start looking around for a new, new ob. Awesome. I left a message on the advice line and will hear back at some point today. But most likely it will be just the same as what the RE nurse told me yesterday. She said not to worry unless I’m gushing real, actual blood, going through a pad every 30 minutes, or if I pass a golf ball sized clot. I’m sorry, GOLF BALL SIZED??? That is approximately the size of one of the WT’s. So by that point, I would have lost my fucking mind. She crazy.

So this is my Friday. Freaking out and trying not to move much except for frequent trips to the loo. We were supposed to go back for a daylight-look at a house we liked, but to hell with that. It’s probably better to let them sweat out the weekend, anyway. So maybe some good will come of this.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

2007-11-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

This has been the best four years ever. It was raining on the morning of our wedding day and everyone said that's good luck. At this point I have to believe them!

Thanks baby!

(It's also my dog's birthday. She's 3!)

Delusions, Whining and a Lesson

2007-10-29T15:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, so our delusion has ended. W and I had seriously considered staying in our wee lil apartment even after the Wonder Twins arrive. It’s cheap, it’s in a great neighborhood, we’d be hip, city dwelling parents! It’s small, it’s a one-bedroom, it’s a third floor walk-up. We are idiots.

But we’ve seen the light. Many of our friends and family have responded with a kind, “Um yeah, DUH.” We’re meeting with our realtor-to-be tonight to look at some houses in the East Bay. Goodbye hip, city-dwelling status. Hello suburbia! I think in the long run it will be far better to have more space and a yard and all that. It’s just a matter of picking the right one in the right neighborhood, you know? Plus we are real estate geeks and home improvement fools. So much so that even in our rented apartment, we put in a new kitchen floor. Gotta keep those skilz sharp!

So, although I’m excited, I’m also a little wary of this house tour. I tend to get carsick even on the best of days, and we’re going to be riding in our realtor’s car in a very hilly, curvy-roaded neighborhood. I’m fucked. Evenings have been the worst time for me, as far as “morning” sickness is concerned. Unfortunately it’s been getting worse lately instead of better. Kinda frustrating. (But of course I’m not complaining! Just whining a little!) Last night we were at the Bridge School Benefit and I made us leave early - before Metallica. W is so nice. He tried to pretend he wasn’t upset! I tried to stay, but I was heaving and vomurping (thank you Leah!) and figured I want the time I puked all over myself at a 1990 Steve Miller show to stand alone. I don’t really need multiple concert-puking stories, do I?

Wish me luck tonight! For A) no puking and B) finding the perfect house!

I will definitely be getting to my 8 random things, I promise! This job is just crazy busy. It’s good, but I’m really missing the blogosphere! I have a post in my head about the stress of gaining weight with twins. Check back soon for more self-centered freaking out!

And now...your Lesson of the Day:

If you’re on your way to an open house, and you notice a donut shop, by all means, stop. Get two. It’s ok. Eat them. Voraciously. While driving. It’s ok, really! BUT…when you are about to go meet with the realtor and you ask your husband to check your shirt for crumbs, go ahead and have him check your crotch, too. Otherwise you might go through the ENTIRE house showing with a one-inch flake of glaze stuck to your business.

Graduation Day!

2007-10-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

Yep, I'm released! I got a little gift bag with a pregnancy book and some massage oil (??). The babies (as you can see below) are gorgeous. In the picture, one has a slightly detached head, but I'm sure this is the week when it fuses to the rest of the body, right? And if not, I'm sure will come in handy in low-ceilinged rooms. Still...detached heads or no, cute, right?

Now it's OB time! I have an appt for mid November, which seems like a LONG time from now.

This weekend we're going to the SF Parents of Multiples consignment sale. I don't know if we'll actually buy anything, but it will be fun to kind of get in the spirit of things. Ok, now that I think about it, I'm gonna have to buy something.

I'm still really enjoying my job. The tequila party is now a bowling party, which is a good thing. Taking the emphasis off the booze will help a little. I don't need that to be my coming out party. I really don't know when to make that happen. If I don't start feeling better it's going to start being obvious. Plus, I had the first chance to use my new Bella Band today! I wore some pants that I could have buttoned, but feeling as ill as I have been, it just felt gross to do so. But with the BB, voila! So great. Other than feeling kind of permanently nauseated, I also get a slammin' headache every night right about 4 or 5. My boob soreness is pretty much gone, and the tiredness that washes over me around mid-afternoon is pretty easily fixed with the walk to BART and then home from where I get off. I do go to bed like a pioneer, though at 9 or so and HATE waking up. Usually I'm a morning person, so it feels kind of weird to be lying there so useless in the morning. But I'm sure this will pass, and even though it goes w/o saying, I am NOT complaining!!!

So that's about it from the House of the Wonder Twins! Happy Weekend to all!

You Just Never Know Who Else is in the Club

2007-10-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

You’ll never guess what I overheard my new boss ordering over the phone…

PIO for his wife! Well, all I heard was, “I need to order more progesterone for my wife. She likes it in the peanut oil…” That was enough for me! And the fact that he said “more” I wonder if she’s pregnant now?

I am so tempted to talk to him about it, but then I might have to give up my supersecretstealth pg status. I guess that will have to happen very soon, anyway since I’m planning a company event at the local tequila bar. We’ll be doing margarita lessons. Break my heart, why don’t you? I may need to have a teeny sip.

Anyway, about the job…it’s going really well! I even got email from my boss saying that I’m doing a fabulous job. Woo hoo! I am super busy without being overworked, and never get to read blogs anymore. Makes me sad, but I guess in the long run, I’d rather be challenged at work than stalking the interwebs all day. And the weekend’s a’comin’ so I’ll be reading like a fiend to catch up.

As for pg-ness... I was feeling pretty gross for a while, and like Leah, reveling in every nasty bit of it. But on Wednesday, I stupidly went to my acupuncturist who had the unmitigated gall to fix me! Since I saw her I’ve had almost NO symptoms. I refuse to worry about it; instead I’ll chalk it up to her misguided intention to prevent me from wonder twin-induced misery. Silly silly girl.

We’re still out of our heads with glee(k! Get it?) over the WT’s. Every time one of us says, “when the babies come…” we look at each other and go, “Babies?!?!?” We go back and forth about moving. The main issue with our apartment is, well, aside from its relative teeniness, is that it’s a 3rd floor walk-up with no real storage on the ground floor for strollers/etc. My thought right now is to suck it up and stay there as long as we can stand it. Hauling my ass up and down the stairs will definitely help get rid of the baby weight, and we’ll be saving major money and be able to buy a nicer place in a year or so when the babies...BABIES!?! take up more space. If we were to buy, our monthly housing expense would pretty much double. Of course, in just a few months time, just getting myself up and down the stairs may prove to be too much, so we might end up just renting a bigger, lower place. I hate to give up my top floor-ness, though. It’s no penthouse, but it’s so nice having no one above us. Although on the other hand, if we were on the ground floor I wouldn’t feel so bad about playing DDR at night. Hmm… so much to consider!

Those Wonder Twins Sure Take Things Literally!

2007-10-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

Yep. It's Two-Fer Friday! They have great looking heartbeats, measure 6w3d (I'm 6w5d) are unbelievably adorable.

More later after I eat and probably after I take the IL's wine tasting. W's drinking for 4 now, so he's got to get started!

In a word - OMGTHISISSOAMAZINGANDICAN'TFRIGGINBELIEVEHOWLUCKYWEARE!!!!!

I. P. Freely, Finally!

2007-10-04T17:23:00.000-07:00

You'll never guess who I got to go see today...

Eddie!

Um yeah, so I got word that the sample I worked so hard to produce was too diluted so I to do another. On the upside it was a good excuse to dump the IL's at the base of the GG Bridge so they could walk across while I went back to the lab to pee. So ridiculous. But this time I went for the big cup straight away and it was a triumphant success.

14 hrs, 30 minutes til the u/s!!!!!!! Please oh please let it be good news!

Eddie & Erin, BFF

2007-09-27T15:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I went to LabC0rp to pee in a cup for the drug test required for my new job. I'm pregnant, so this should be easy as pie, right?

Um...no. I purposely didn't go to the loo before heading to the lab, and once I got all the directions and the little cup from Edward, my lab tech, I was more than psyched for the opportunity to "go" for it.

Except I couldn't! I did pee a little, but because the receptacle was so narrow, most of it missed. So I waited, sure that more was to come. I mean these days I pee about every 6.7 minutes, so it wouldn't be long!

Or so I thought. Finally, Edward comes and knocks on the door to ask if I'm ok. Humiliating! (Of course, he was probably thinking I'm somehow swapping out my smack filled urine with the "clean" sample I snuck in or something, but honestly I haven't taken any fun drugs in YEARS!)

So, I'm forced to admit my failure and shamefully emerge from the room with my 1.2 millileters of pee. He tells me to drink some water and try again in 20 minutes. So I do.

Was my luck any better this time around? Nope! Almost nothing comes out. It was so freakin' frustrating! After my second flop Edward tells me just to come back the next day. Just what I wanted to hear. Ugh!

When I turned up this morning, Eddie (I mean, at this point we're pals, right?) yells out from the back, "Oh, is that Erin? Come on back and try again!" This gets me more than one odd look from the other people in the waiting room.

I had pounded a huge glass of water before leaving home, but do you think I could put any of it into that motherfucking teeny ass cannister? No. Well, not much. Not enough to make it to the minimum line, anyway.

Holy cripes. Now I'm embarassed, frustrated and starting to wonder just what the eff is wrong with me. I skulk back out the waiting room, have 4 more glasses of water and read my book. Eddie then brings me a glass of warm water, and I laugh thinking of that old slumber party trick, but no - he wants me to drink it. I do, and wait, and finally I told him I'm ready, but that I think the small cannister is what's getting to me. I think the eensy weensy target was messing with my head.

Magically Eddie provides me with a giant Solo-beer-keg-esque kind of cup. Now we're talking! I head right into the bathroom and thankfully am able to march out triumphantly head (and plentiful urine sample) held high.

Eddie's reasoning for not offering the bigger cup from the very beginning is that it doesn't have a lid and he doesn't want to smell the pee. From a man who spends his entire day handling urine sample cups (with plenty of pee on the OUTSIDE), flushing the toilet for people post-sample, and generally working in the nastiest smelling office I've ever had the displeasure of visiting twice in 24 hours this seemed a bit finicky. Now, this could be because I'd spent way too much time in said stank ass office, and I was peeved (ha!) that this easy solution hadn't been presented sooner.

So, after much hullabaloo, all's finally well in the drug test department. Thanks to the 8 million liters of water I drank, I've been peeing even more than usual today. Good thing, because other than that, I've got NOTHING TO DO at this temp job. Nada. So insane. I arrived late today and took a two hour lunch with my cousin and no one had a clue! That's certainly nice, but for the many, many hours in between, it is SO BORING. Only one more day to go and then I'm taking next week off.

Woo to the Hoo!

2007-09-21T13:19:00.001-07:00

I got the job! Woo hoo! I'm gainfully employed again! Or at least I will be on October 8.

(Am I really cheering about this?)

Yes. Yes, I am. It seems like a great company, my new boss appears to be very pleasant and I'm getting a nearly 50% raise from my old job. All very good things.

PLUS, I'll have much better healthcare than I would have if I had to stay with W's insurance. Kaiser's great if you sprain an ankle, but I am psyched to be a little choosier about my ob. MY OB!

So I'll continue my hole-punching gig for next week, then take the first week of October off to hang out with my mom and then with W's parents. I expect them to give me some good material for the blog, so just keep those reading glasses handy!

2WW Redux

2007-09-20T17:08:00.000-07:00

Oh what a day!

It all started with an email to my friend about how I wasn’t going to stress about getting an earlier appointment and I would just “bask in glee.” Ok, that is just fucking hilarious because not 2 hours later I was smack dab in the middle of a total freakout. I don’t know exactly what brought it on, but it was crazy. I ended up emailing the nurse at my RE’s telling her a little bit about my freakout and beating wimpishly around the bush to ask if they ever let people do earlier ultrasounds. Olga, the nurse who looked after me during my retrieval sent back a really nice email about how things were looking great and while I could come in for another beta if I want, they really discourage earlier ultrasounds because it’s hard to see anything and they can add stress rather than relieve it.

At the end of her email she said “I know this waiting period is hard but you honestly are in very good standing for a viable pregnancy.” As I read the words “viable pregnancy” I started crying. Happy tears, of course, but they were kind of unexpected to say the least. I guess I’m a little hormonal! I also had to restrain myself from throwing W’s laptop across the room last night because he kept watching these annoying clips from You Tube. Normally I’m all over the You Tube, but last night I thought I’d kill him. Then later he was wrestling with the dog and that was bothering me. I’m usually pretty even keeled, (despite my profane outbursts here, of course) so these ups and downs are kind of strange. But good-strange. I want to feel different. I would also like to feel a little more secure about this pregnancy, but I guess that will have to wait until October 5th. Which is 2 weeks away, hence the title of this post. If only Leah had a special u/s stick for me to pee on!

In other news, at lunchtime today I had my second interview at the real estate firm from last week. Things have juuuust a bit since I had my first one, but I think I’d still like the job. 9 months is a long time and unless we hit the lottery (Note to self: Start buying lottery tickets.) I will probably have to go back to work at least in some capacity. The company is supposedly very family friendly, although I’m not sure if that extends to people informing them about a month after they start that they’ve got a bun in the cubicle… They also offer the curious “Maternity Management” so we’ll see what that’s all about, as well as part-time/flex hours and job sharing. There are two open positions in different departments and at today’s interview I met with people from both groups. I definitely have a preference of the two. It wasn’t so hard – what would you prefer “Churning out lease agreements” or planning fun events and creating a newsletter? My dream job is to be “Company Party Planner” so I’m hoping I’ll be able to move forward with the second position. Plus I got a good vibe from the guy who would be my boss, and that’s always a good thing. I already heard back from the HR woman that the people from both departments liked me and I told her my preference. Now I just need the official offer! It will be really tough leaving this temp job, though. I mean, who is going to three hole punch these papers???

I did warn that there would be mad ramblings here, so if you’ve made it this far, at least you were warned!

Beta Numero Dos

2007-09-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

I just got the call and my second beta is 558. That's a doubling time of 36.76 hours. This time it was a different nurse who called and I could actually feel her smiling through the phone, so that was nice. She also said what a great number it is. Three cheers for enthusiasm! I'm still trending in the twin range on betabase.info, but hell, I did name those little suckers the Wonder Twins. I guess maybe they're just starting out as the most obedient and mama-pleasin' kids on the planet?

Now comes the really hard part. I've read about these long waits for the first ultrasound and thought, "Shut it sister, you're pregnant, what's your beef?" But now I see! At my RE they bring you in at 7 weeks which would have been sometime the week of 10/8. W's parents are coming to town 10/3 - 6 so I pleaded with Nurse Nicety Nice to move it up and she did! So I'll go in the morning of 10/5, and will hopefully see wonderful things which will make it a breeze for me to serve as chauffeur to W and his 'rents for a day of wine tasting.

Until then, feel free to visit here for the ramblings of a happy, slightly nervous, but HAPPY girl!

Tsk! Tsk!

2007-09-17T16:38:00.000-07:00

I was so excited to go to my beta appointment on Sunday morning, especially since that morning I’d peed on two more sticks and despite a middle of the night trip to the loo, both the FRER and the digital came up positive almost immediately. So I was feeling good about the trip and was excited to share the news with people who actually had a hand in it.

So, once we’re safely out of earshot of any other patients, I tell the nurse (who I was pleased to see was the one who’d been at most of my appts) about my good fortune and after a little nod, there is almost NO reaction aside from saying, “I had a feeling you’d do that.” I knew that they might be nonplussed about a pee stick, so I had been totally honest and told her just how many sticks had given me the thumbs up (5). She is none too impressed. Asks me about any symptoms, I tell her (round ligament pain, sore boobs) and then she says, well that could be the prometrium, you know. Um, yes, but HELLO! I’m pregnant. Can’t you give me a smile or something? And “I had a feeling you’d do that”??? All scoldy like? I thought we’d bonded, man! And all along I’d been planning to test on the morning of my beta. I was just hurried along by Ms. Leah T. Stickpusher is all. I know some people don’t do the hpt’s, but I’m sure we POAS’ers can’t be THAT much of a minority, can we? Are we just a small band of urine cup wielding rebels wreaking havoc with RE's offices across the land?

Nurse Killjoy makes a few notes in my file and it’s on with the blood sucking. I left a few minutes later feeling a bit sad about her lack of enthusiasm. Luckily I had enough of my own and I was over it by the time the elevator hit the ground floor.

Then later in the afternoon when another nurse called to give me the results she said with a smidgeon of disbelief, “Well it looks like all those tests you took were right.” Um, first of all – DUH! And second, did they make a note of just how many I took? And the way she said it made it seem like I was being naughty. Maybe I have an RE demerit now (or 5).

Anyway, does anyone else ever get scolded for POAS’ing?

Beta results are in!

2007-09-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

I just deleted a long ranting post about how the nurse promised me I'd hear by 2, and they were late and blah di blah who cares about that?

230. 14dpo.

Kind of twinny, no? Must do research to appropriately freak out.

Lest you misunderstand if I'm freaking out good or bad, I guess it's really neither. I'd certainly prefer a singleton, but I'm happily accepting babies in any and all quantities. (really it can only be 2.) (Unless one split.) (Holy fuck!!)

All in all fab news. Thanks so much for all the well wishes!!!!

Circle of Life -Digitally Enhanced

2007-09-14T09:12:00.000-07:00

My mom had been trying not to tell me about Cody's illness until I was through the 2WW because she didn't want to add stress to my life. She told W, though, who of course promptly told me. No way should she go through this without me.

Once we began talking about it She sweetly offered that Cody would send us down a little blond baby. I didn't think he'd be gone so quickly, but he's failing really quickly, and they're putting him down this morning. I haven't told her anything yet, but she does know she'll hear one way or the other on Sunday. I felt like she should have some time with her grief, and then I can whack her upside the head with this piece of good news.

I'm moving onto a digital test for my next one. The idea would be to wait until tomorrow morning, but I really don't know if I can make it that long. We'll see... In the meantime, thanks for all the happy wishes!!!!!!!!

So, yeah, wasn't so able to wait until tomorrow. I just took a digital test and I am

P!R!E!G!N!A!N!T!

Holy motherfucker. Does it mean I'm going to be a bad mom if I forgot my prometrium supp this morning?

Uh... Ughpdated.. Again with pic and further speculation

2007-09-13T21:03:00.000-07:00

No use beating around the bush.

This is 8dp3dt. I don't really have words. I've never been pregnant.

Until today.

I'll update tomorrow with a new stick and a (hopefully) darker line.

9/14 The line this morning? It is not darker. It's there, but it's a bit lighter. Could the trigger still have been in my system, 13 days later? I highly doubt it. Was it a chem? Maybe? Did the fact that I had to pee in the middle of the night screw up my FMU? I'm hoping so. More tests to come...

Check out Leah! That stick pusher is knocked up!

Here's the picture of today's stick. You're going to need to squint to see the line, but it's there.
I did notice that my pee was much darker when I tested last night than it was this morning. Kind of opposite, right?

#1 v. #2

2007-09-13T15:50:00.000-07:00

So throughout this process of #2, I’ve noted many differences between the two cycles and I’m thinkin’ with this many differences, the outcome must be different, too, right?

RIGHT??

Here are the differences

#1
Eager newbie, brimming over with enthusiasm
#2
Slightly seasoned vet, enthusiasm tempered by continued lack of babything from #1

#1
Wheatgrass supplements
#2
Wheatgrass and DHEA

#1
Antagon protocol, no bcp, no lupr0n, 2-3 shots/day
#2
Microdose lupr0n protocol, bcp 2 weeks, 7 shots a day

#1
Working at stress-filled, hated job
#2
Gloriously unemployed with no pressure to become employed until post IVF cycle

#1
Right ovary non-participatory
#2
Right ovary joins the game

#1
W’s sample produced at home
#2
W’s sample produced at RE’s office

#1
Four eggs retrieved
#2
Six eggs retrieved

#1
None fertilize or show 2PN status within 24 hours
#2
Two fertilize and are 2PNs after 24 hours

#1
Went to work straight from transfer, then after work took subway downtown and walked to acupuncture. Walked/subway’d home.
#2
Driven straight to acupuncture then driven straight home for day of couch potatoing

#1
Post-transfer acu session totally normal – peaceful, relaxing, snoozy
#2
Post-transfer acu session totally out of fucking control. Restless Leg Syndrome became Restless BODY seizure attack. Two needles fell out during the session.

I know there are more differences, but these are the ones that come to mind right off the bat. I’m not including anything about symptoms, because frankly they are all just fucking with me right now. Round ligament pain, sore boobs…I’ve got ‘em alright, but do they mean anything? Who the hell knows…

Random Updates

2007-09-11T14:44:00.000-07:00

Well, the update on Cody is not good. His only option is chemo which would just prolong things a bit, not cure him, and my mom is against it. I agree with her that it is really just for the people and doesn’t do anything for the pet. She wants to remember him as the happy, bouncy sweet guy that he is. Of course if this was my dog, I don’t know that I could make such a decision, but I do get where she’s coming from. It is so so sad, though.

**********

My interviews yesterday went well. The first was more of a “Is she breathing and can she string a coherent sentence together?” kind of deal. And apparently I am and I can! Because now I’m here temping (blogging) away! So far it’s boring as hell. They’re still getting me hooked up to the network, and so far my only task has been to print out the attachments from a couple e-mails and 3-hole punch them. WHEW! I am beat! Not to mention I’m giving Rachel a run for her money for most ridiculous task that a person can do themselves and does not need a temp for. Hopefully I’ll get something a little meatier soon. So far I’m not so sure I’d want to work her long-term though. It’s a little quiet around here. Although there is free ice cream in the “cabanas” (their completely misleading term for the kitchenettes).

Ugh, another "please print this email" request. Pardon me a minute…

Wow. That is really taxing. I think I have a headache from all this thinkin’. How does it go again? Double click to open, Ctrl-P to print…hmm maybe I should write this down.

Thanks be to hay-soose the other interview at the Real Estate firm also went well. It was with two women from HR, but I think we hit it off and I should hear back by the end of this week if I’ll make it to the next round. It definitely seems like a nice place to work and the job sounds fun. Plus W and I own a 2-family in Manchester, NH and are kind of into the whole real estate thing (despite being SF renters at the moment).

This morning I got to the temp gig and was given a form to take down to the building’s security office so I could get a photo id. It turns out this building is managed by the company I interviewed with yesterday, so when I saw their logo on the form, I was so confused. “Did I already get the job? Where am I?” Man, just a few days of unemployment and my brain goes to mush!

***************

I don’t think I already mentioned this on the ole’ blog or not, but poor W thought that my beta was this past Sunday, not next Sunday. He was kind of devastated. Now he’s kind of wanting me to POAS, but I just don’t know. I think once Leah gets her BFP tomorrow I’m going to be more inclined, but for now I remain steadfast in my resolve (heh) not to bust out the sticks.

Cody

2007-09-10T13:36:00.000-07:00

My mom's dog has cancer. He is the sweetest golden retriever ever. He's my dog's favorite playmate, the de facto mayor of his town and most importantly a HUGE part of my mom's life. She'll know more about his outlook after a battery of tests today. Please think some good thoughts about him.

...Activate! Update

2007-09-05T08:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm hoping that the Wonder Twins' powers really DO activate today. I'm heading in for my transfer in about an hour. Only the two made it through. This is ok. Last time I transferred more than I wanted to and this time, I will be able to really and truly root for these two lil guys to latch on for a nine month ride.

More on their quality, etc. when I get back! Transfer is at 10:15 PST and then I'm going to acu on the way home.

Go give good luck to Leah too! Her transfer is this afternoon.

Updated with embie stats - I transferred two decent looking embryos. One 6 cell grade 1 and one 7 cell grade 2. Acu went ok, although I was wide awake and had wicked RLS. Now I'm at home watching some tivo and relaxing my arse off.

A Wee Bit O' Optimism

2007-09-03T18:36:00.000-07:00

So firstly, thanks for all the comments and shout-outs. They are such a huge help. I am still kind of bummed that more didn't fertilize, but on the plus side, this is a shitload better than last time! I guess I sort of erased from my mind that last time my doc essentially transferred a bunch of garbage into my ute. At least this time around I have actual embryos! I'm calling them Zan and Jayna.

And now for a funny little story. W had to "produce his sample" as they so nicely put it, at the RE's office, which was a first for him. We live close enough that in the past they've said it's fine to do so at home, but this time I decided we should do everything different that we could. Anyway, when I asked him how it went, he said he tried starting out with a Penthouse, but had to choose a different mag because there were too many articles! Luckily he was able to find something "raunchier" that did the trick. So ladies, I guess when you hear that old "I just get it for the articles!" it might actually be true!

Dos

2007-09-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

Well, of the six only two fertilized. I am obviously pretty bummed, but mostly ok. After all, it only takes one! (Slaps self upside head...)

Awesome news for Leah, though!